Am I Nuts?? MOH vent

abwatts

We have been engaged 4 weeks. My sister has a friend that is a "brilliant photographer" that she has been talking about since before we got engaged. She started saying she would talk to him the day after we got engaged. She finally talked to him last week, and said she would text me his number so I could set up a meeting. I asked her to do this at LEAST 5 times, and I even tracked down his email and emailed him, and have not heard anything back.

So in the mean time I met with 5 photographers, and we decided on Colton @ six fourteen. We are super excited about him, and pretty much decided on him day 1. I cancelled all the other meetings I had and just went with my guy. SO PUMPED!!

So yesterday my  sister finally texts me his number. I thank her and tell her that we already booked. SHE IS PISSED! I got a "well I wish you would have given him a chance" and then when I explained that we were really excited and I would have met wit him if she had gotten the info to me sooner I got a "wow-if you were really interested you would have reminded me - whatever" text. DID I NOT REMIND HER EVERYTIME I ASKED HER TO TEXT ME???

I have sent her an apology and said that I didn't realize that it meant that much to her, and that in no way did I mean to upset her. We were just really excited about the guy we found, and after meeting with him i didn't see it necessary to pester her for the number and waste peoples time when I knew who I wanted. I tried taking the high road and apologize.. but she is not returning my texts!!!!

May I mention that my mother told us yesterday that she is leaving my father? And she is pissed about a photographer? What happened to "its your wedding, do what you want?"

Am I in the wrong here, I truly don't think I am, but I don't want to be delusional if I am!!! But she is 15 years older than me.. and I think she is acting like a psycho baby!

abwatts

ps. Sorry, I didnt intend for it to be that long... my bad

arco13

It does sound like she's being a little bit rediculous if you asked her multiple times for the number.

I don't know what the situation is, but maybe she's having trouble dealing with your parents splitting, but doesn't know how to say that she's upset by it, so she's taking her frustrations out on you. If she won't respond to your texts, it's possible she just needs to cool down. My sister and I fight all the time, and usually the best thing is just to give each other a little space. If you can get her to, maybe try doing a girls day, either lunch, or a spa day or something like that. Something where you all can talk. And if she refuses that, it just sounds like she's a really immature person.

abwatts

My parents splitting is fine. I know that soudns weird, but we have been encouraging it for a while (looong sotry).

She is just a bit ridiculous. She is 15 years older than me, and her kids range from 16-20.. so for the past 20 years except for my high school graduation everything has always been about her family.. so this is the first time that something is about me. And we operate differently. I get things done quickly.. she procrastinates a lot more than I do... its just the way it has always been... I am just going to ingore the situation and text her tomorrow asking if she is still coming to the cateres tasting with me. Hopefully by then she wont be acting a FOOL. I just could not believe how upset she was about this.. and how someone it was put on ME! How many times should I have had to ask her?? And to be honest I wasnt all that interested... this photographer did more artistic athletic portraits, which are awesome. but i didnt see anything wedding related that excited me!

courtski2004

If it meant that much to her, you're right. She should have sent the information quickly, especially when you asked for the number a few times. All you can do is apologize, but don't beg her for forgiveness--if she wants to act like a brat about it, leave it be. Don't feed the monster.
I would suggest keeping the wedding talk to a minimum with her while you choose additional vendors if this is how bent out of shape she got about the photog. If she gives a recommendation and you don't go with it, you risk this happening a few more times. That is a stress that you can certainly avoid.
Does she have a lot of other stresses in her life right now on top of your parents' separation? It sounds like she is used to having control over/and or manipulating situations to her benefit and is realizing that she may have less control than she thinks. For some, that is a rough reality to face.

abwatts

She likes to be "stressed" and I think its hard for her that her kids are growing up, and she stresses over them sooo much, but they are 16, 18, and 20. .. they can handle things themselves, and she is having trouble letting go. She also works for an elite gymnastics company, and yes that stressful because her coaches are idiots.. but she lets it follow her home. I am sorry. she is not sooo important that she needs to answer a phone call in the middle of spin class.. she like to be needed/stressed.

And our parents seperatin is reallly a good thing. AND she blew up at me BEFORE she found out. It was jsut so bizare. I am hoping she gets over this quickly and stops being silly, we have a lot of stuff to do, and my mom doenst live in the state, and we have always talked about planning my wedding together.. so i really want her to be involved.. she has 2 days to sulk... then I'm calling her out!

fallbride1109

What I found when planning my wedding is people don't understand how eager you are to get the planning going and move things along.  She probably didn't realize how serious you were and figured whenever she got you the number, you'd meet with him.

I wouldn't feel bad about it--you chose one of the best wedding photographers out there and you should be excited about it.  You apologized, that's all you can do.

abwatts

Its true. I am very eager to get things done, which I thought she understood when I booked venue and had my dress int he first 2 weeks. She knew I was looking at photographers, but she does not have the same sense of urgency as I do. I feel bad that she is upset... but I am not apologizing for going with my gut! We are SOOOO excited to work with Colton, and I am excited that its booked and done.

fallbride1109

Oh and you might want to mention that you tried contacting the photographer on your own and were unsuccessful, if you haven't already. 

crash2729

I don't think you're wrong and honestly, even if you did meet with her photog and didn't choose him, I feel like you'd be having this conversation, just about wasting his time. 

I don't think there was anyway for you to win here.

abwatts

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_am-i-nuts-moh-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74ab5668-943e-44fe-ade7-d2e0ba1f1f35Post:82ffae1b-d0ab-4513-bae1-cd232e39b5a9">Re: Am I Nuts?? MOH vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and you might want to mention that you tried contacting the photographer on your own and were unsuccessful, if you haven't already. 
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

Oh indeed I DID mention this! But its still all on me!

abwatts

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_am-i-nuts-moh-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74ab5668-943e-44fe-ade7-d2e0ba1f1f35Post:3875d1ca-8346-4bac-ab08-384f34d819e0">Re: Am I Nuts?? MOH vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're wrong and honestly, even if you did meet with her photog and didn't choose him, I feel like you'd be having this conversation, just about wasting his time.  <strong>I don't think there was anyway for you to win here.</strong>
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Fact! Logic and reasoning is not being taken into consideration at all :(

PJBHL5

Not awesome on her part, but I'm stoked you got Colton. He's our photog (and a friend of mine, as is his wife) and that's the part of my wedding that i am THE. MOST. excited about.

niquemel

Congrats on taking the high road. I would have said, "I reminded you FIVE TIMES, but YOU couldn't be bothered to give me his number. So no complaining, I don't want to hear it." End of discussion.

Wait, is your mother also pissed about the photographer thing???

CATurren

You are so not in the wrong.  I had this problem with my FFIL's wife.  Asked her MANY times, for months about adresses (basic ones like her MIL), I got a list that had people I did not know a month and a half later.

I also planned all my stuff like in a month in a half.  It's so exciting and depending on your wedding date, things book VERY quickly.  She's in the wrong and it seems like now that her kids are growing up and she has nothing else to do/focus on, maybe she is mad that you are getting all the spotlight, that you are finally happy.  

I hope things get better!

abwatts

Upon relfections he has pulled this crap a lot lately!
 Exhibit A) A former student of mine is trying to get diagnosed, possible aspergers (the mom and I are really close). My nephew has aspergers. My sister agreed to read over some information, and then was going to call her pediatrician to get a recomendation for a developmental ped in the area. 6 weeks ago. Several emails and calls and texts.. still has not gotten around to it.... (this upsets me the most because this little girl means so much to me and her mother has been so great to me... and she offered to call, i didnt ask)

Exhibit We have a wedding we are all going to in August in New Braunfels. I have reserved hotels rooms, and the block was suppossed to be lifted on the 11th. I called her after i reserved my room. emailed her the info. texter he the phone number. 3 weeks later.. still has not made her reservation.

So based on THIS I just lumped the photographer in with the rest of the stuff she said she was going to do and hasn't yet... its always been here way so I guess I cant be suprised!!

abwatts

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_am-i-nuts-moh-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74ab5668-943e-44fe-ade7-d2e0ba1f1f35Post:f1787dd5-b67d-43e5-adcd-b7d237d2c729">Re: Am I Nuts?? MOH vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Not awesome on her part, but I'm stoked you got Colton. He's our photog (and a friend of mine, as is his wife) and that's the part of my wedding that i am THE. MOST. excited about.
Posted by PJBHL5[/QUOTE]

STOKED is the right word for it. I'm sorry.. her photog didnt stand a chance after we met him.. nobody did!

abwatts

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_am-i-nuts-moh-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:74ab5668-943e-44fe-ade7-d2e0ba1f1f35Post:ce6d7644-cd4a-4642-9d7b-31bd851a73fd">Re: Am I Nuts?? MOH vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Congrats on taking the high road. I would have said, "I reminded you FIVE TIMES, but YOU couldn't be bothered to give me his number. So no complaining, I don't want to hear it." End of discussion. <strong>Wait, is your mother also pissed about the photographer thing???
</strong>Posted by niquemel[/QUOTE]

No my mother has suprisingly taken the "its your wedding do what you want" stance on things. She has been delightful (which I can never say about my mom)