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Pre-wedding Parties

Advice on How to Decline Bachelor(ette) Parties

My guy and I have decided that we don't want to have bachelor or bachelorette parties.  Neither of us are into nights of drunken debauchery or strippers because we feel they'd be disrespectful to the relationship we have set up.  However, we both have friends who would offer to throw us parties and then completely ignore us when we say NO STRIPPERS!  We know that if we declined having strippers but then agreed to go to a party, our friends would just dupe us and there would be strippers anyway.  So we want to not have bachelor(ette) parties.  How would we go about declining them so as not to hurt people's feelings or start drama with our friends who are a little more, shall we say, immature?

Personally, I feel bad that we can't have parties because we can't trust some of our friends.  I think that is the worst part about it, to be honest.  And I know this is way too early to think about, but I'll admit that I like to think about things ahead of time so that I have plenty of time to mull it over and keep my anxiety down (having an anxiety disorder is the worst sometimes :( ).

So, any advice?  What about alternatives so that we don't have to completely discount parties?  Has anyone ever had a joint bachelor(ette) party?  I've heard suggestions of having, like, a boys vs. girls night with things like Rock Band, bowling, arcades, etc. and then having a winning team at the end, but I don't know anyone who has actually DONE that.  I think that a boys vs. girls night could be fun for all and respectful of our beliefs.  But since I know etiquette says that we can't throw our own parties nor are we responsible for the planning of ones that are offered, I don't know how we'd get to do something like that.

Re: Advice on How to Decline Bachelor(ette) Parties

  • edited December 2011
    I had to politely decline a shower from an aunt.  She's crazy, so she's still annoyed, but I think if you just politely decline they should hopefully understand. 

    Odds are they will push for a reason as to why you don't want one. You don't need to say you don't trust them, but you're not a booze and strippers kind of girl.  They might then rethink it and suggest a spa day instead, but there's nothing saying you have to have one and I personally don't see anything rude in turning it down.  
  • edited December 2011
    We are 100% with you on that. We want to have a joint party, but the men vs women sounds kinda fun. We've already told our party that, but they still question our decision, because they want that crazy party, that we don't. Majority of our party, as well as us are coming from out of town, so that made it a little easier, but it's still difficult, because those kind of people just want to show us a good time(even though thats not a good time to us)
  • edited December 2011
    "Thank you SO MUCH for your offer to hold a b-party in my honour.  I'll have to decline though.  Perhaps we could do something else instead?"
  • starlite21lstarlite21l member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    When I was in high school and worked at a grocery store we had people come in that were doing a group photo scavenger hunt as part of a guys vs. girls party bachelor/ette.  It was really cool!  They literally had a huge list of the most random things they had to take pictures of themselves with.  Since then I have always wanted to do one!

    Here are some links.. some of them have sexual innuendos and some just fun ideas:




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  • edited December 2011
    Etiquette-shmetiquette.  If doing what is "traditional" is going to push you and your guy to feel uncomfortable, it's not worth it.  If your wedding party is really insistent on planning the party, be clear about your comfort level with certain ideas they may have and offer suggestions.  They may actually be pleased to have some direction for what the two of you may want to do.  If you can come up with more than just one or two ideas, they can still pick and choose and have the element of surprise (if that's important).  The ideas you mentioned sound great.  Additionally, I know people who have done joint bachelor(ette) parties and they were lots of fun!
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    FI's cousin had a joint bachelor(ette) party.  It was fun; there was a bar they frequented that had a separate room which was reserved.  Everyone was there; including their 12 year old nephew and both sets of parents.  Obviously nothing super risque happened. The bride did receive penis-shaped mints; and the groom received a prank apron that has a very large piece of the male anatomy sewed under one layer of the apron (apprantly this has been passed around the family for some time - dear lord I hope we don't end up with it, haha). 

    I think you've received some good feedback here.  You're not supposed to plan your own party, but that doesn't mean you can't give input about what you're comfortable with.  and if/when a friend offers you can just suggest that you'd like the boys included.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_advice-decline-bachelorette-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a6132c77-9669-4a96-bb9d-7470ef76527ePost:7b49d33b-f032-4653-aeae-21a23002b689">Re: Advice on How to Decline Bachelor(ette) Parties</a>:
    [QUOTE]Etiquette-shmetiquette.  If doing what is "traditional" is going to push you and your guy to feel uncomfortable, it's not worth it. 
    Posted by keri0517[/QUOTE]


    Whether or not to have bachelor/bachelorette parties has nothing to do with etiquette.  Tradition and etiquette are not the same things.

    When my friends asked about throwing me a bachelorette party, they asked me what type of party I would like.  I told them something low-key, like dinner out with my closest girlfriends and then something fun like bowling, laser tag, a sleepover, etc.  Even though my MOH was more in the pen!s straws, suck for a buck t-shirts camp, she respected my wishes.  It sounds like your friends might not be as considerate, though.

    If they offer to throw a bachelorette party, you could say something like, "that's sweet of you to offer, but it's really not my style.  What if we all just (go out to dinner, go bowling, play laser tag, get a cabin for the weekend, charter a yacht, go camping, whatever floats your boat) instead?"
    image

  • NatashaYFNatashaYF member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so glad I came across this post!  Me and my fiance are the same exact way, and oddly enough are faced with a similar situation. So we're thinking of having both parties together.  There is a bowling alley with a bar in it where we're from so for those who REALLY feel the need to drink are more than welcome to but I know it won't be able to get too out of hand out in the alley so we can all have fun together.
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  • m1schlueterm1schlueter member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My fiance and I feel the same way. We are not interested in the bar/stripper scene. Unfortunately, I don't think I am going to get off that easy. I've already been told that they (my dear, sweet friends) don't care what i want, they are planning on doing all the tacky stuff I hate.

    Thankfully, I think my fiance will not have to deal with this from the guys. And he knows how my friends can be.

    Honestly, the guys vs girls party sounds like lots of fun. I think I would much rather avoid the whole thing than take any chances.
  • edited December 2011
    We have that problem on one side. Since we are fairly young most of his friends are still in the party phase. My girls are fairly understanding. Everytime we are around any of his old friends or male cousins he gets drilled about a bachelor party with tons of partying.
    We both want a co-ed party with some drinking but we definitely dont want to be bar hopping just for them. Sometimes i get the feeling bachelor/ette parties are more for them than us because they know we rarely drink and are definitely not the partying type.
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