Pre-wedding Parties

Small Wedding... who is invited to pre-parties?

We are doing a small (immediate family only) wedding because of his being stationed for the Air Force. So do we just not get an engagement party and bridal shower? Since the only women invited are my mom, sister, sister in law, his mom & step-mom and sister?
Or are we allowed to do a gift-free engagement party with our extended family? We have a very very large family, with 200+ people with aunts, uncles and cousins added.
Tell me what you think.

Re: Small Wedding... who is invited to pre-parties?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Well, an engagement party is thrown FOR you and not by you.

    But no one should throw you a wedding event (or pre wedding event) involving guests who won't be invited to the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    Well, sure, someone can throw you a shower... as long as only the people invited to the wedding are invited to the shower.

    That's sort of the breaks when you have a small wedding. Some people see it as a plus.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think if you wanted to have a gift-free engagement party, in place of the after party or bbq that some people throw for relatives and friends after a small wedding, that you should do it.  It's a little unconventional, but I'm sure your friends and family would want to celebrate with you, and would understand your reasons for not having a large wedding.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    MollySM, your advice goes against etiquette in two ways:

    1) One doesn't throw any party for herself.  It has nothing to do with gifts being a part fo it.

    2) It's inappropriate to put anything regarding gifts on the invitation.


    Also, if people have a post wedding event and invite people to a BBQ who weren't invited to the wedding, that's also not appropriate either.
  • edited December 2011
    we had a DW and an AHR. for the shower we only invited guests that were local. Some were invited to the DW a few (BM's parents etc) were only invited to the AHR.
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    That's right.  We each invited 7 people to the wedding, and so I didn't have a bridal shower or a bach party, and DH didn't have a bach party.  That was fine with us.

    But if your parents want to have a bigger event, THEY can host an open house or a cookout or something and THEY can invite bunches of people.  And you can be invited and then go.  But it really can't be called a "wedding shower" or a "wedding reception," etc.
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