Is it distasteful?

princesspgd

My BM is hosting my shower, but she works ALL THE TIME. I was wondering if it's distasteful for me to help her getting things organized. She doesn't have that much extra time to do up the invitations, so I was going to help her out with that. Plus we're using my apartment to hold the shower because it's such a central location. Thanks!

vsgal

You should wash your hands of anything concerning the planning of your shower.  It is inappropriate for you to plan it.  Let her do what she can get done.  Maybe one of the other BM will offer to help.

Kristin789

>>You should wash your hands of anything concerning the planning of your shower.  It is inappropriate for you to plan it.  Let her do what she can get done.  Maybe one of the other BM will offer to help.

That.

kliberti

My bridesmaids are all in different states then me- I WILL be helping them with the parties but behind the scenes-  they don't all know each other yet so I'm communicating between them etc.  It's not like I'll be setting up the day of- but since they won't physically be around, I'll be doing some prep work that no one will know about except them and you guys.  I see no harm in helping them out.

pokepoke27

I think the other people just saying flat out NO are just silly. If your BM asks for your help or opinions on things then by all means tell her your opinion or help her out. If you want to offer, then just say ONCE "I know you want to do this for me and I know that you are short on time. Do you want me to help you out with stuff?" Make sure she knows you're offering to help pick stuff up, write out invites, put up decorations etc. and NOT offering to just plan the whole thing. If she's your friend then she'll probably know that you're just trying to be nice.

phut_action

If she asked or implied she wanted or needed help, I think it's fine to offer. I would keep it discreet though, because it generally is not appropriate for a bride to help host her own shower.  

Another possible option is having another friend or family member help her if you can find someone available, another friend in town, your sister or mom or aunt... so that you can try to avoid involvement in planning. It is supposed to be a party for you, after all, some of it should be a surprise  

brit_bell90

I think that the rule of not letting a bride help out is silly. I know my bridesmaid's can't afford anything like that, and my MOH has never been in a wedding, so I asked her if it was ok for my family to host it instead. I'll probably help out with some things too, it's not like anyone is going to judge me for helping my family out. 

emillee21

I dont' see anything wrong with helping her out. I have helped my girls with mine. If she needs help and you dont mind then I would do it!

JennaV26

There's a complete difference with helping the host prepare for your shower and actually hosting your own shower. I had two showers and my sister and BMs were throwing the one for me in TX but since they are all OOT my sister didn't have much help. I went over the night before and went with her to the grocery store to pick out side dishes and help organize the house a bit. Nothing major but it helped her a lot.
 
If I was throwing a shower for a friend and I asked her to do something small like pick up supplies or help me set up and she told me "No, I'm having no part in planning my shower," I would be seriously p!ssed off and would reconsider throwing the shower at all.

ilovemysexyboy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_distasteful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a84f40a0-913d-43f8-8dba-8a8881684246Post:9047fc2a-f73f-48ef-a256-175cc16b0b21">Re: Is it distasteful?</a>:
[QUOTE] If I was throwing a shower for a friend and I asked her to do something small like pick up supplies or help me set up and she told me "No, I'm having no part in planning my shower," I would be seriously p!ssed off and would reconsider throwing the shower at all.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

This.

princesspgd

Thanks! She asked for my help with the invitations mostly because I have everyone's addresses already and because I had extra time and stamps . She also asked if I knew of any games we could play and I just went on here and printed off the list of games and rules for her, so all that's a suprise for me. IN had just figured since she works a lot and has been helping me out with wedding plans, the least I could do is help her out with basics!

Also, I told her that if she needs me to pick anything up from the store to let me know and I would get it for her...I'm scared because I have no idea what all she actually IS planning for me...

vitacosmopolita

My sister - MOH hosted the one in our hometown and now she is hosting the other one this weekend and is stressing out.  My mom who is three hours away called me to help her because my only other local bridesmaid is a single mom with a 2 year old and is already working hard to just be there. I think the day of I'll help set up after I'm ready and cute and then my FMIL and mom will help her too.

I don't see how helping with little things is a big deal. I don't want to be a diva, but I want to feel like the guest of honor too. Just find the balance