His Bachelor party is freakin me out!

jrbarton79Wed204985

You're right. I will take a step back and instead of just letting my fingers do the talking. I do want help on some aspects of the whole engaged thing and wedding planning. I tend to be sarcastic when I feel like someone is being defensive for no reason. I didn't take into consideration what others are like. I kind of just threw my question out there. Thanks for the advice. I love the troll spray! You make me laugh.. That's something my friends would have done. Nice touch!

HappinessByTheKilowatt

Haha that is my sig pic. It wasn't directed at you, it shows up on all of my posts. Stick around, you will learn a lot here, and the women here are wise. Deep breaths-- it will all be okay!

mkrupar

And for the record we totally dig sarcasm around here. just when used appropriately. So don't feel the need to censor yourself 100%. If you post more, we'll get to know your posting style. Stick around.

jrbarton79Wed204985

WOOOO.....   This was like a first date from hell. I'm so glad we got all that uncomfortable awkwardness behind us... Lets get back to the question.

Although I spoke to HIM, I am ok. I do have a lingering feeling. Mainly because I found out it is only him and his brother. The situation with his brother is very complicated. HIS brother is 12 years his senior and born a selfish SELFISH petty person. He's consistently told my FI how much he wishes he was never born and that he hates him and that their parents love my FI more.

Wait, it gets better...

The older bro has been in an on-again/off-again disfunctional relationship with this nut job for the past 17 years. He treats her like a dog. No, literally like a dog. "Come fetch me this.... Sit down. SHUT UP!" Yup.. and all this while in public. The older bro has no shame in belittling people in public.

Back to the nutty gf of the older bro. She's into her late 40's. She knows she'll never marry him because he refuses to do it. So, no kids, hittin 50 and still not married... I came along about 4 years ago and she's had it in for me ever since. Has actually told lies and tried to turn that whole family against me. Since I'm not one to let anyone walk all over me, I put a stop to her behavior real quick. After that, she's made the older bro's life worse with how she acts... You know the whole jealousy thing.

Wait... there's still more.

My FI is the golden child of the family. He doesn't take people for granted, great son and even better brother. All because he doesn't want to rock the boat in the family, he kinda of tries to just brush off his older bro's comments and pretends that they don't hurt him. Behind closed doors with me... I see how much it hurts him.

The reason for everyone cowarding from the older bro (even the parents) is because he's had cancer. From what I know, he went through some serious chemo and for a while everyone thought he wasn't going to make it. Lucky for him, someone was lookin out. Since he got better (YEARS AGO) he's been nothing but cold, calculating, manipulating, dirty and mean. And everyone, I mean EVERYONE just tip toes around this full grown man in his 40s....

I get it. Sympathy for those who actually need it. But when you start taking advantage of the people that love you because you know they aren't going anywhere is down right cruel.

The reason for this story. The older bro knows I won't let him push me around so he does it to my FI. The Bach-Party alone with my FI and his bro is a scary thought. The older bro resents me for not bowing down to him, the nutty gf hates me because I'm treated better by the younger of the 2, my FI desperately wants to have that normal loving brother bond, but the older bro is manipulative. The things I know about him and how he works would make you want to unzip your skin and boil it from fear of being infected with dirty dirtiness!

I won't say, "hey, it's either me or your brother." I'm not the type to come in between family members. So, I sit here wondering is it all worth it? What's one night, right?

The good totally out weighs the bad. I trust my FI, I can't stand the though of his bro. And he thought HE was marrying into a crazy family.

Yes, I want help. But no, I don't want to hear that the only solution is just to up and walk. I love my FI. He's the one. But who would want to marry knowing that what comes along with their FI is a family like that?

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:d600deeb-6963-4601-a196-efcb89dc03a1">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry, but I'm personally kind of offended at your generalization that all men turn into drunken horndog idiots when they travel in groups.  I married a MAN, not a teenage boy, and never once had a moment of doubt about him.  Anyone who can be coerced into cheating or doing anything else to compromise their relationship just because they've had a few drinks or their buddies are around is not someone who is ready for marriage.  And, yes, that includes all the men that you're familiy has been telling you those stories about.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I hate to tell you this newb's that didn't like this comment, but she is 100% correct IMO.

This should be the LAST thing you are worried about happening actually.  If you trust him without a shadow of a doubt, then that means you will trust him at his bachelor party too.  You don't get to pick and choose when you trust your FI.  It's all or nothing.

P.S.  This is not the land of rainbows and unicorns so understand that when YOU post something on an international board, then you will get opinions that you may not like.  YOU came here to ask for OUR advice and just b/c you got a couple answers that didn't suit your needs doesn't give you the right to tell someone not to read it or respond to it.  StageManager is spot on with her advice!

Santorini2011

jrbarton-I feel for you! I, too, once made the mistake of asking a question on The Knot boards that struck a nerve.  What a shame! I hope this doesn't discourage you from future postings.

jrkjpf

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_his-bachelor-party-freakin-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a989cf03-3b8f-4365-a011-5c335b733395Post:5631c4a5-1d4d-47b2-b370-2568704b0f2a">Re: His Bachelor party is freakin me out!</a>:
[QUOTE]jrbarton-I feel for you! I, too, once made the mistake of asking a question on The Knot boards that struck a nerve.  What a shame! I hope this doesn't discourage you from future postings.
Posted by Santorini2011[/QUOTE]

Ditto, and let me tell you, I am a super super dry humored sarcastic person, might even be my 2nd language. Regardless, sometimes <em>italics </em>works as a good sarcastic note, or to even dig in a little deeper... <- Insert sarcasm.