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Shower and FMIL

kimberlyb122kimberlyb122 member
10 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties

My FMIL threw an engagement party for me and my fiance a few months ago and my sister/MOH is throwing a shower I would guess in March. My FMIL invited people who are not invited to the wedding to the engagement party which was a whole separate issue (from her side, most certainly not mine. I would not allow that one, but if she wants to be rude to her own friends, that's not my problem.) Now she gave my sister her guest list for the shower. Last night my fi informs me that his mother told some of her guests that they do not need to bring a gift to the shower, that she just wants them to come "for support" for me. Fi said she was afraid my sister wasn't going to invite enough people from my side and so she added people she wouldn't have normally and told those people gifts aren't required.

All of this is weird right? You don't tell people you're inviting to a shower not to bring gifts, and why do I need "support?" She's making me crazy. And my Fi just doesn’t question any of it (I get it, she’s his mother: mother knows best) but really?

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Re: Shower and FMIL

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your FMIL committed a faux pas when she invited people to the engagement party that will not be invited to the wedding. It's on her, though, to explain to her friends why she was rude to them.

    Since your sister in the host of the shower, it is her privilege and responsibility to control the guest list. She should drop anyone from it who will not be invited to the wedding. No need for her to repeat your FMLs gross conduct. Fi should advise his mother of those cuts.

    When issuing an invitation, it is never correct to mention gifts, even if it's to say they are not necessary. Also, it wasn't polite of her to change the nature of your sister's party.

    Don't let your Fi off the hook so easily. He needs to man up and stand up to his mother. Now that he is planning a future with you, he needs to replace 'the mother knows best' rule with the 'respect my wife, if you want to be a part of our lives' rule. You may need to get couple's counseling to get that through his head.

    Good luck.
                       
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  • kimberlyb122kimberlyb122 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's just that he doesn't question any thing she does... until I point out something she does is wrong it doesn't occur to him that something she does might not be right. Once I explain it he's fine and with some other wedding-planning issues he has totally stuck up for my point of view (like her ridiculous 160 person guest list!!!) but until I say something, he doesn't think twice, even when she's ridiculous.

    For the shower she isn't inviting any one who isn't invited to the wedding. I just can't believe she did that... or thought it was appropriate.
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