Pre-wedding Parties

Shower Question

Hey Ladies, I posted this on my local board, but I wanted some more feedback… so I figured I would post it here.  My MOH asked me to get a list together for the shower invites for her. Half of our GL is in NY (that's where FI is from) so obviously they would not attend the shower, but my FMIL thinks I should still send them an invite so 1. His aunts and cousins won't feel left out and 2. So they will know where we are registered for gift purposes.

I don't really know though, I don't want to ask my MOH to buy all those invitations, because that's alot, especially with postage, if we know they won't be attending anyway. And, I feel like sending them an invitation to our shower, when I know they aren't coming, is just like a rude way of me saying buy us a gift here... and I don't want to do that. I don't want them to think that FI or I expect a gift, because we don't.

Our wedding website will be listed on one of the enclosure cards on our invites, and our wedding website has a page with all of our registry information, so I would think they could find it that way, or if they really wanted to know, they would ask FMIL or FI or me.

My MOH says she will do whatever I'd like for her to do, but I'm still not sure... and I don't want her to spend a fortune on my shower, I know there are others helping her, but I know her, and she will go all out and spend a fortune on it to make it a nice day for me.

What do you ladies think? How did you decide who got a shower invite and who didn't?
 By the way, it would be 23 extra invitations.
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Re: Shower Question

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    edited December 2011
    I'm in a similar situation, I asked my Mom to get some insight before doing anything. (whose feelings would be hurt, who couldn't care less) She suggested I send the invitations so feelings don't get hurt, but because I didn't want it to seem like I just want gifts sent, I'm having her let people who can't come know not to send anything.  Maybe FI Mom can do the same for you? 

    And in this case maybe help your MOH out with postage or something so she isn't spending $$ she doesn't need to or buy her a really nice hostess gift!
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's very much a family thing.  In our family, it's considered the very height of rude and gift-grabby to send invitations to people you know can't attend.  I would never in a million years do such a thing.

    However, when DD was getting married, her FMIL requested that somewhere around a dozen of what she called "Courtesy Invitations" be sent to friends and family who she KNEW would not be attending the shower.  She said that in their family, it would cause all kinds of uproar not to send an invitation.

    If your FMIL is asking for the invitations, it's entirely possible that her family feels like my DD's ILs feel.  Go ahead and send them.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would be surprised if anyone other than immediate family would be offended not to be invited to a shower in another state.  I would not invite them, personally.
    Married 10/2/10
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    edited December 2011
    My entire side of the family is on the east coast (aside from my sister and parents) and one sister lives in europe.  I did decide to have invites sent to them just to let them know that i was thinking of them. I don't think that any of them were offended by the invitation or felt like it was poaching for presents.  A few did send gifts with their regrets for not being able to attend but most did not (which of course was fine) I think it is just all up to you and how you think your family would respond. If you think it would offend ppl not to receive an invite than send them if not save the postage
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    edited December 2011
    I would only send those courtesy invites to immediate family members (sisters, grandmothers) and wedding party, if at all. And I would not include the registry info because that would definitely look like a bid for gifts.

    As you noted, if someone wants to know where you're registered they will ask FMIL or see it on your website. The less often gifts are mentioned, the better.
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