Engagement Party Guest List a Wedding Guest List?

heatherfitz

I am recently engaged. I know some of my friends are throwing together an engagement party for FH and myself for sometime next month. I have no idea who is invited or who is coming.

I am planning on having a small New Orleans destination wedding. For the guest list, I am planning on inviting close family and friends. We are on a budget so they will have cover transportation (it's about a 10 our drive from where we live) and lodging. We will cover everything else.

My question is, do I have to invite everyone who shows up to this engagement party to my wedding? Since I have no say in the matter, that hardly seems fair. I only want a handful of people at my wedding in the first place. I've read that "etiquette" says I have to, but I mean come on. I think an engagement party should be about celebrating an engagement, not making dibs on a wedding invitation.

MairePoppy

Yes, it's true. You have to invite all the engagement party guests to the wedding. You should make your wedding guest list available to the engagement party hosts and let them know not to go off the list. The same would be true for showers and bps, if you have them.

Congratulations on your engagement!

heatherfitz

but wouldn't people be a bit more understanding because i'm having a small, destination wedding? i'd love to invite everyone, but costs simply won't allow that. personally, if i were invited to an engagement party but not the wedding (and i knew they were having a small, DW) i wouldn't be offended. 

i'm actually thinking about have a "reception" party when we get back from the DW. and there i'll invite everyone for food, drinks, and celebration  

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-guest-list-wedding-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:ae446161-5d7d-48b2-a7e3-62ba75532e07Post:8343d207-2fa8-4445-b160-4e8d77651acf">Re: Engagement Party Guest List a Wedding Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]but <strong>wouldn't people be a bit more understanding because i'm having a small, destination wedding</strong>? i'd love to invite everyone, but costs simply won't allow that. personally, if i were invited to an engagement party but not the wedding (and i knew they were having a small, DW) i wouldn't be offended.  i'm actually thinking about have a "reception" party when we get back from the DW. and there i'll invite everyone for food, drinks, and celebration :) 
Posted by heatherfitz[/QUOTE]

No.  when you choose to have that small destination wedding, you choose to forego any parties that include people not invited to that small destination wedding.

hboo2011

Engagement Party Guest list is essentially a wedding list.
NO one gets invited to celebrate in a part of the 'wedding' (engagement party, bach parties, showers, etc) if they are not invited to celebrate the wedding. I would find it rude if I was invited to 'celebrate', and 'give a gift', but I wasn't invited to witness the actual wedding.

You need to speak up to your hosts, let them know your thoughts for your wedding, and that you'd like to keep your engagement party small since you are also having a small wedding.

john&julie

You need to tell your friends who are hosting the e-party that since you are having a very small wedding, you need to determine the e-party guest list. 

heatherfitz

I understand the shower situation. I won't be aiming to have a bridal shower or any type of registry because of our situation. But an engagement party is essentially just a celebration for a recently engaged couple. I'm not receiving anything from anyone. So as I said, I personally would not be offended if I were invited to an engagement party and not a wedding because of the couple's situation. I dunno, just me.

heatherfitz

Compounded? How so?

heatherfitz

no validation needed here i'm not even planning the engagement party. my friend is crazy excited for us to be engaged and is getting friends and family together for a dinner celebration as the engagement party. most of the attendees will actually be invited to the destination wedding (our guest list is up to 30) so it's not like 100 people will show up to the engagement party but only 5 will go to the wedding. and i have no plans to have showers, registries, etc because of my situation. i promise i'm not a greedy-friend-excluder :P

heatherfitz

that's definitely something we're looking at, and seems quite popular with destination weddings