Pre-wedding Parties

bridal shower for out of town bride

i'm throwing a bridal shower for my friend who just moved to another state. all of her friends and family are in her hometown. since she's flying in for the shower, she wants all the gifts from her guests to be sent to where she's now living with her fiance. what can we do in lieu of a gift opening session? the bride is not much for shower games so i can't plan for any more than i already have. please help...any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Re: bridal shower for out of town bride

  • The purpose of the bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts.  To me, that means physical gifts.  I think it's inappropriate to host a shower and expect/request gifts be mailed to the bride.  I understand being OOT; I was, and I worked it out with my mom and sister to ship things after the shower and have them bring things when they visited.  I brought soft-line items (sheets, towels, cook books, etc.) home in my suitcase.  A lot the guests brought smaller items - they all knew I was traveling and wanted to make it easy on me.

    In your case, if you want to host something for the bride, I would switch to from a shower to a luncheon and remove the guests' obligation for gifts.  You can still celebrate the bride and her upcoming wedding. 

    If the bride wants a shower with gifts, you should not request they be mailed and she should open them in person, at the shower. 
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  • Ditto PP for all of it. Even though I could drive, I was also OOT. My parents let me keep some gifts at their place until a later trip when I could take more back. At a shower, the gifts need to be opened and the purpose of a shower is to give physical gifts. She can either decline your shower, or be OK with finding a way to bring gifts back.

    She could always travel with an empty suitcase that she fills with non-breakable gifts to take back with her. She could talk to in-town relatives or her parents about possibly keeping some gifts with them for the time being. Or she could pay to have them shipped back to where she currently lives.

    You could always just host a luncheon in her honor and not make it a shower to avoid this altogether.


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  • As the others said, this would really be in poor taste.  I too had a bridal shower hours away from where I lived, and I managed to get all my gifts home.  You can't tell people "come to a party, give me a gift, and give it to to me this way."  Have the shower as usual and she can figure out a way to ship the gifts, return them and repurchase them at home, or she can just not have the shower.  
  • PPs are correct. The purpose of a shower is to open physical gifts. It looks INCREDIBLY gift grabby for a bride to not open gifts at a shower, and having to ship gifts back to one's hometown is typically considered a small sacrifice in the face of guests' generosity. If the bride really doesn't want to open gifts, you can, instead of a shower, host a bridal brunch or luncheon, which, while some guests will still bring gifts, is technically not a giftgiving event.
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    Everything PPs have said.  I moved over 1,000 miles away from where my family lives five years ago, and every Christmas, I have to devise a way to get gifts back home. I've brought back 8 place settings of casual china before, only breaking the handle of one mug.  

    It's really not that hard, bring an extra suitcase and check out shipping information. Between the two, she should be able to get all the gifts to where she lives.  My shower with my family is this weekend, and I've already made arrangements to bring as much back now as possible, but leave anything that won't fit with my parents until I can get it at a later time.  If all of her friends and family live there, I would think she would be able to find someone who is able to help her out with storing some of it.
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