Bridal Shower for a small destination wedding

melcat631

My fiance and I are planning a small (25 guest) destination beach wedding in his hometown in South Carolina—this is where we are moving to once we're married.  My mom wants to throw a bridal shower for me where I'm from, where all my family lives.  Here's where the problem lies, she has a guest list of 50 and I don't know a third of them, only five are actually invited to the wedding itself.  We do plan to have an informal gathering were I'm from in order to include all of my family after the wedding.  What does etiquette say about such a thing.  I feel awkward having these people at a bridal shower when they're not invited to the ceremony.  I don't feel right getting gifts for a wedding so small and informal.

Thank you for your help!

mgietler76

You are right to feel awkward. Only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

MairePoppy

Your instinct are correct. Don't invite anyone to a shower, unless they are going to be invited to the wedding. Aside from that, usually only the bride's closest friends and family are invited to a shower.

SuMmErKuTiE

Ditto pp's your feelings are right. It's rude to invite people to pre-wedding parties when they're not invited to the wedding itself, it can come off as gift-grabby. Also, ditto MairePoppy, women you don't even know shouldn't be invited as the shower is usually for close friends and family members and is a more intimate party than the actual wedding. Think along the lines of moms, grandmas, close cousins and aunts, your bridesmaids, and other close girlfriends and maybe your mom's best friend, etc...

f pamplemousse

Hi all,

I have a somewhat similar problem.  The fiance and I want to get married with < 10 people in Ireland with some sort of a larger party later (an idea my parents are still warming up to - the larger party is really just for them).  When my mom told one of her friends that we were engaged, she said she wanted to know when I'd be home so she could throw me a shower.  If it comes up again I'll just tell my mom to tell her friend I don't need a party if it comes up again.  But I also feel weird saying "no."

I don't think that showers are always the nearest and dearest - just from my experience my mom has gone to lots of showers for children of her friends (hence her friend offering to throw me one).

Jamanda23

I am having the same problem.  We are getting married in July with only our parents, siblings and 4 closest friends (<20 people total).  We are having a formal private dinner that evening.  We will be having a celebration later in the summer with extended family, other friends and coworkers.

My best friends told me that I should still have a shower and Bachelorette party.
My Mother wants to plan a bridal shower and asking for a guest list.  I think it would be nice to get together with my extended family and a few close friends, but I don't want them to think I expect a gift.  Can we just write something on the invites to not bring a gift?  I just want to celebrate and bring our families together again. Can I not have a bridal shower? I know there are different opinions on this.

I also get confused when I think about inviting those same people to our celebration later in the summer.  Do I continue to ask for "no gifts?"  Should I have a registry set up for those people you know will want to give us something? Should I set up a registry and just tell people by word of mouth if they ask and not put anything about gifts on any invite?

shellyamf

Similar situation on the small wedding.  Same issue on whether to have a shower or not.  Everyone I talk to in person tells me it doesn't matter and I should have a shower.  Every article I read says NO! on inviting people who aren't invited to the wedding.  I found another thread somewhere on here that stated if the people invited to the shower knew they weren't invited to the wedding due to location and size, then it would be okay to invite them to the shower.  I finally decided to have a shower where my parents lives (not the same state as myself) to celebrate with my huge extended family and some close friends that won't be able to make it to the wedding.  My sister wants to throw a shower for me and I decided why not.  People don't have to come if they feel slighted. 

amanlynncamp

I'm having a similar problem... many have approached me and know that I am having a very small (just parents and siblings of groom and myself) destination wedding, but want to purchase us gifts to celebrate our union. I'm thinking I'll have someone close to me throw me the shower and I'm still going to register. I've read so much that this offends people, but I feel like that is an older school of thought. Now, it makes more sense financially to have  a destination wedding to save money (my parents are contributing towards our downpayment, which we couldn't afford otherwise) and people still want to contribute. After all, I've spend oddles of money on my friends and their weddings, what is the difference if they want to buy me a small gift to celebrate mine and will be in fact SAVING money by not having to come!?? People will buy you things regardless, it's better to register and just get what you want. People are so funny/sensitive about things related to wedding gifts, etc. I JUST DON'T understand!!! Do what you want!