Rehearsal Dinner Question--Help!

futuremalyuta

Sorry this is long, but I have a tough situation about my rehearsal dinner that I need help with!
I want my rehearsal dinner (which my fiancé and I are paying for) to include just our wedding party and their SOs (or parents for FG and RB), parents, and grandparents. That already brings it to about 35 people-40 people.
However, my FI's father is one of 5 brothers, and they are all very close and have big families/a lot of kids. My FI's parents say that if we invite only one of the 5 brothers (the parents of our ring bearer, who is 3), then we have to invite all of them or they will be upse. I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling, but inviting all of them would bring my rehearsal dinner would bring my guest list from 35-40 to about 60. Plus I would feel bad inviting his aunts, uncles and cousins, and not inviting mine or having all of his family there with just my parents from my side. I don't want the rehearsal dinner to be huge, and the venue I really like for it only holds up to 40 people the way I want it to be set up.
What would you do? How can I tell my FILs that I only want the wedding party, parents, and grandparents? And how can I avoid everyone else feeling upset that only those two adults are invited since their child is in my wedding?

HobokensFury

Explain to her that the venue can only accomidate the WP and VIPs.  Your RD shouldn't be a mini wedding.

Andama08

I'm now dealing with the same thing because our venue can only hold so many people and our guestlist is between 45-50 people. We have decided on the actual wedding party, our parents, our grandparents, and any siblings who are not apart of the wedding party. We are only allowing our siblings who are all in serious relationships to bring their SO. We are also inviting anyone who is involved in the rehearsal, our officiant & wife, our musician & wife, parents of ring bearer and flower girl, and wedding coordinator. I feel the rehearsal dinner is a pre-wedding thank you to people who are actually involved, the reception is for all of the others to come and celebrate. It's just not possible to invite everyone to everything, family included.

daisyamers

the rehersal dinner is for the wedding party, anyone who has any job in your ceremony and, in may situations, guests coming from out of town who come the night before the wedding.  i was in my uncle's wedding years ago (my dad's brother) and he did not invite all of his siblings to the rehersal dinner as they were not in the wedding. he has a big family as well and people understood that.

futuremalyuta

I don't know I just feel them being from another country and not used to American traditions it is different. I wish I had a better way to explain it to them!!

erinlin25

it is common that people sometimes include oot family at the rehearsal but it is not required.  We were back and forth and finally decided that since majority of family is oot it would be like a mini wedding, which was unneccessary.  We decided to keep rehearsal wedding party + SO's, and then afterwards letting non wedding party oot family know if they would like to meet up for a drink we ill be in the hotel lobby from 9-10 or whatever. Most people if not in the wedding party, they have no desire to go to the rehearsal dinner.

OwningAHome1981

I wouldn't bring the kids to the RD. It's not a kid's event.

ashleyalviz

If you bring the kids in to the rehearsal dinner, then parents will have to be factored in, but tell them ahead of time that you will only have the party attendants and immediate families to both sides, or ask his parents chip in for the added brothers. Tell them that the venue will not accomodate that many. You can't make everyone happy, so if you and your FI are on the same page, then stick with what you want and tell his family together that not eveyone will be invited