Mom thinks it may be rude to host a shower

AngelSong76

So my mom and I were talking about how our wedding is going to be on the small side, and how there are some people from her church (the church I grew up going to and went to until I moved to another town about a year ago) I would like to invite, but if I invite one, everyone will want to come.  I said something about maybe having some kind of shower or party at the church and asking everyone to come to that.  She loved the idea but said while she really would like to host a shower like that, she feels like people will think she's rude to host it herself.  I told her I thought it was pretty common for the mother of the bride to host a shower.  But am I wrong?  Is she right to think it may be considered rude?

femmepink

My mom is hosting mine. My FIL's are upset that they weren't included, but it's something my mom wanted to do for me.

I don't think there's anything rude about it.

MairePoppy

It is common, here, for the MOB and/or MOG to host a shower. Or sometimes they assist the bms with the shower.

It would be rude to invite anyone to the shower, who will not be invited to your wedding, though.

hboo2011

My mom is hosting my shower, not weird at all. Do not invite ANYONE to the shower unless you are 100% positive they are going to get invited to the actual wedding. Church group or not, rude to invite anyone to gift giving pre-party but not let them celebrate in actual ceremony/reception. So just be careful w/ the list!

mcskatcat

I think if you mom thinks it would be rude, then odds are it isn't acceptable in your social circle to have the MOB host a shower.  In some places it's becoming more okay, while in others it would be considered rude.  If your mom thinks it would be rude, then odds are it would be.

And I echo everyone else's thoughts that if you're going to have an event with all the ladies from church, then you need to have all of those ladies on the invite list for the wedding.

SuMmErKuTiE

My mom hosted mine with the help of my MOH and BM's.

Out of the 4 showers I attended last year, 3 out of the 4 of them were hosted by the mother of the bride.

And ditto pp's anyone invited to a shower needs to also be invited to the wedding.

ginadog

My mom hosted my little sister's wedding shower as well as my middle sister's baby shower. 

AngelSong76

Thanks for the thoughts, ladies.  Now comes an even more important question.  I'm pretty sure my sister (MOH) is going to throw a bridal shower and she will most likely invite whoever she wants rather than who is on my guest list for the wedding.  How can I handle that in light of the "it's rude to invite someone to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding" rule?

LoveMuffins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_mom-thinks-may-rude-host-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:c12d0d09-33b9-41e8-9cfa-4ee05304d01ePost:62c2aa12-f613-4938-aaa4-837dfcf31701">Re: Mom thinks it may be rude to host a shower</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the thoughts, ladies.  Now comes an even more important question.  I'm pretty sure my sister (MOH) is going to throw a bridal shower and she will most likely invite whoever she wants rather than who is on my guest list for the wedding.  How can I handle that in light of the "it's rude to invite someone to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding" rule?
Posted by AngelSong76[/QUOTE]

Usually the Bride provides the guest list. So ask your sister, the host, how many people she thinks she will be able to host for the party so that you can put together a guest list. if she says she'll handle that, tell her that you should because you're the one who knows who is being invited to the wedding. and then if she says what does that matter, you can say that you would feel gift grabby if you were only inviting someone to an event to give a gift, rather than to the whole she-bang, and you think it would be rude to do that. and then reassure her that you're very grateful she's throwing you a shower and that you'll get the guest list to her asap.

hboo2011

Specifically give her your guest list before she mails out invitations.  Advise her that you'd appreciate her not adding more people, as this is your final wedding guest list, and you cannot financially afford to add more to the wedding guest list. Make sure she knows that it isn't right to have people invited to the shower and not the wedding.

I did that for my mom as well. She knew the handful of family members to include, but I gave her the names and addresess of my friends/few coworkers to invite.

hboo2011

Oh ditto Love Muffins tho... Talk with her about it before you give her guest list so you know how many people she can comfortably host financially, if she is paying the whole bill.

kmmssg

It is one thing if the ladies of the church decide to throw you a shower.  Under that circumstance you really aren't obligated to invite everyone.

If your mom hosts a shower all of the shower guests must be invited to the wedding.

BrambleBerry

I think for the most part- mothers DO host the showers. Most showers I know are thousands of dollars and that's not something a friend should have to pay. I know my mother wouldn't allow anyone else to have a single say in my shower- it is going to all be HER thing

tlbattaglia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_mom-thinks-may-rude-host-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c12d0d09-33b9-41e8-9cfa-4ee05304d01ePost:449eaff3-556f-4ab7-9e90-a76278e97d33">Re: Mom thinks it may be rude to host a shower</a>:
[QUOTE]It is common, here, for the MOB and/or MOG to host a shower. Or sometimes they assist the bms with the shower.<strong> It would be rude to invite anyone to the shower, who will not be invited to your wedding, though.</strong>
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

This was my first thought.