Rehearsal Dinner when most guests are from out of town?

AlexisLA

We are having a small wedding, about 50 people. Most guests will be from out of town. We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves. I am kind of annoyed that my fiancee's parents haven't said anything about it and the wedding is 4 months away so I assume they aren't planning to help with it and I don't want to ask. That being said, if we invite everyone from out of town to the dinner, it will be like having 2 weddings! Could we just invite those involved in the rehearsal?

AdeleDazeem

Of course you can just invite those involved in the rehearsal.  That's who the dinner is for anyway - you are thanking them for coming to your rehearsal.  Don't worry about the other out of towners - you'll see them the next day.

Also, it is not your fiance's parents' job to host the rehearsal dinner.  Very few people still follow those "traditional" roles - look at who is paying for your wedding! - so please don't hold it against them or be annoyed at them. 

Hosting a rehearsal dinner is part of hosting a wedding. They also don't need to be elaborate, at a fancy restaurant, or involve an open bar.  You can do a bbq at someone's house or have pizza. pasta, breadsticks and soda in a park.  The point is just to thank your rehearsal attendees.

CassieeK

We are only inviting the people involved in the wedding and their SOs.  Like Joy said, the dinner is a thank you for the people who came to rehearse. We're just doing something simple like pizza.

BrambleBerry

I think if you are having an out of town wedding or if most people are coming from out of town it's nice to have everyone come. For example, I'm having a wedding about 3 hrs from where I'm from and EVERYONE is staying in hotels- not one local. We are doing a clambake the night before the wedding as a welcome party. It's a totally different vibe than my black-tie wedding so it won't feel like 2 weddings.

But, with that being said, if you can't swing it or if your fiance's parents don't offer to host, I think just the bridal party, immediate family and dates are fine. 

AlexisLA

Thanks everyone! I think we will opt to just do the wedding party, their spouses, and immediate family for the rehearsal dinner which should be about 15 people. Then, maybe we'll meet others for drinks for an hour or so afterwards.

AlexisLA

Do people really invite the musicians and priest? This seems a little strange to me since they won't know anyone..

Mrshannahboyden

I'm going through the same thing, and I'm only inviting the people in my wedding party and their significant others. It would be way too much money to have to invite everyone!

mcskatcat

I would say if you wanted to have a rehearsal dinner with those just involved, they maybe consider providing pizza or a subs back at the hotel for the OOT guests, just as a time to visit.  You are not obligated to invite them to the RD, but I would consider other options just to be nice. 

AlexisLA

So, we set up the rehearsal dinner for the smaller party and I invited the rest of the out of towners to meet us for a drink after but now my mom and fiancee said that people will assume that we are paying for their drinks. I might have messed up here. Here is the website with the info:
http://alexisjameswedding.com/AJ/Friday_and_Sunday.html

Is there a way I can word it so that people can pay their own way without sounding tacky?