Pre-wedding Parties

Dilemma

I am a lucky girl in that my future in-laws are wonderful!  My future mother in law offered to throw me a small intimate bridal shower here in Virginia.   All my bridesmaids and closest friends are spread out all over the country, so it would be more for her friends and relatives like her sisters.  I am 100% fine with that, as I'd love to meet everyone before our wedding!  However, she mentioned making it a lingerie shower... which I am not comfortable with.  So I mentioned that and she's fine with not doing that.   She still says she wants to do something, but we dont know what.  My FI and I don't need any typical shower gifts or wedding gifts.... we aren't even registering.  Thus, I don't know what type of party to make it.  The only thing I have thought of is a "Stock the Bar" engagement party for couples... but.... we don't really even need that.  I don't know of a way to do a bridal shower like she wants.... b/c I don't need gifts.  I'm fine with having a girls luncheon without gifts.... but she really wants to do something!  She's so sweet!  Any suggestions?  

Re: Dilemma

  • If you aren't registering, you really should politely decline all offers of showers. Showers are meant to "shower" the bride with physical gifts, not money or gift cards, etc. So if you aren't registered, it doesn't make a lot of sense to proceed with a shower.

    I might suggest a couple small registries, whether or not you decide to do the shower. Some wedding guests will insist on buying a physical present regardless; having a registry at least clues them in on what kind of stuff you like. If you don't register, you may end up with things that aren't your taste that you can't return. At least this way, you may get gifts you can use.

    Think about items you will likely need to buy new soon: towels can wear out, bedding can get dingy, etc. Also think of items you have but would like to upgrade: fancier knives, nicer flatware, more wine glasses, etc.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c49cc48a-4580-4688-bfe4-adc11831b700Post:e08ce2bc-8946-45e7-bce7-bd87bf4a18a8">Re:Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]What about a recipe shower or a Christmas tree ornament shower? And I disgree that if you're not registered you should decline the offer of a shower.<strong> Yes, showers are for physical gifts and not cash or gift cards, but a guest can still get you a boxed gift even if you're not registered.</strong>
    Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

    It makes it a lot more difficult on guests and you will likely end up with gifts you don't like/can't use. By not registering, someone is basically hinting that they don't want/can't use phsyical gifts, and since that is the point of the shower, why would they need or want a shower then?


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  • edited October 2012
     I think in today's times, registries and showers do often go hand-in-hand. Honestly it is in the bride's best interest to make at least a small registry. I have no idea as a guest what type of stuff they already have for their home, what will match their decor, etc. It's taking a stab in the dark without a registry. It is easier for all involved to make a small registry to give guests guidelines on what is needed.

    And typically, not registering goes hand-in-hand with not wanting physical gifts. I have never heard a bride say, "Yes, we want physical gifts for our home but you'll have to figure out what those are on your own." Whenever a bride has not registered, it has been because she does not want or need physical gifts.


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c49cc48a-4580-4688-bfe4-adc11831b700Post:5ccf737a-ae46-4887-8964-63d4266c86f7">Re: Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE] I think in today's times, registries and showers do often go hand-in-hand. Honestly it is in the bride's best interest to make at least a small registry. I have no idea as a guest what type of stuff they already have for their home, what will match their decor, etc. It's taking a stab in the dark without a registry. It is easier for all involved to make a small registry to give guests guidelines on what is needed. And typically, not registering goes hand-in-hand with not wanting physical gifts. I have never heard a bride say, "Yes, we want physical gifts for our home but you'll have to figure out what those are on your own." <strong>Whenever a bride has not registered, it has been because she does not want or need physical gifts.</strong>
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    I disagree.  This is a generalization that does not hold water.  I will not be registering, but don't try to tell me it's because I don't want or need physical gifts, because what I want or need is for me alone to decide.  Many people don't register-but not wanting or needing physical gifts isn't necessarily the reason.  Sometimes it might be because they don't feel like investing the time in doing pre-gift selections-or they don't agree with registering for some other reason that's nobody's business but their own.
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