i can't have 2 showers...

catwine

before i was even engaged my mom said she and her friend would love to throw me a shower when the time comes.  i thought little of it and said okay.  now that i actually am engaged I assumed my MOH would host it (she is my soon to be SIL).  my mom still wants to throw one even though i told her my MOH should do it. i can't have 2 showers becuase that's kind of rude and i don't have enough guests for 2. 
i haven't heard anything from my MOH regarding the shower (guests, theme, when, where, etc) which i'm surprised about.  i told my mom and she said "well, just tell her i'm hosting but will need lots of help".  is that what i should do or should i just approach my MOH and say something about her hosting?

*i should also mention that my FMIL is big on etiquette so she is probably expecting to help host with my FSIL.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_i-cant-have-2-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c70fd7b8-a420-4f19-abc0-c2b5677a4127Post:f310e37c-5a3a-4b9a-b3a5-dd7272391c6f">i can't have 2 showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]before i was even engaged my mom said she and her friend would love to throw me a shower when the time comes.  i thought little of it and said okay.  now that i actually am engaged<strong> I assumed my MOH would host it (</strong>she is my soon to be SIL).  my mom still wants to throw one even though i told her my MOH should do it.<strong> i can't have 2 showers becuase that's kind of rude </strong>and i don't have enough guests for 2.  i haven't heard anything from my MOH regarding the shower (guests, theme, when, where, etc) which i'm surprised about.  i told my mom and she said "<strong>well, just tell her i'm hosting but will need lots of help".  is that what i should do or should i just approach my MOH and say something about her hosting? </strong>*i should also mention that my FMIL is big on etiquette so she is probably expecting to help host with my FSIL.
Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]

1. MOHs do not have to host showers, so you shouldn't have assumed this.

2. Having more than one shower is not rude. I had three: one at work, one for my side, and one for H's side. Besides the mothers and BMs, I would keep the guest lists all separate, but this is not rude and I'm not sure where you got that idea from.

3. Do neither. Your Moh is NOT obligated to throw ANY pre-wedding parties. Your mother should not solicit her for help. You should not bring it up to your MOH. If your MOH wants to throw you a shower, she will tell you. If she wants to help your mother host, she will tell her. Just stay out of it.

kikirst33

Why don't you have all the laides get together to plan? 

Not sure why you can't have more than one shower. My FI and are not registering for any gifts and our friends have two parties planned for us. If you keep each one small you could have two.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_i-cant-have-2-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c70fd7b8-a420-4f19-abc0-c2b5677a4127Post:75c7dcb6-c8a9-4d08-81bb-c684420895b7">Re: i can't have 2 showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]Why don't you have all the laides get together to plan?  Not sure why you can't have more than one shower. My FI and are not registering for any gifts and our friends have two parties planned for us. If you keep each one small you could have two.
Posted by kikirst33[/QUOTE]

It isn't the bride's job to "get people together" to plan parties in her honor. Those who want to host will step up and say so. The bride should stay out of it.

Also, if you choose not to register, you should politely decline showers. Showers are for physical gifts. By not registering, you are risking getting things you don't want, can't use, and possibly can't return. If you accept the shower(s), I would do at least a couple small registries.

catwine

i've registered for gifts and got some at our engagement party (i know it's not a gift giving event). 

i'm pretty sure there is an article on TK that says the MOH is supposed to throw the shower. 

i don't think its okay to have 2 showers because my guest list is very small.  i wouldn't want to have seperate showers for both sides because i want the families coming together. 

maybe i was wrong to expect a shower...so i will just keep my mouth shut until someone asks me for my list, etc.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_i-cant-have-2-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c70fd7b8-a420-4f19-abc0-c2b5677a4127Post:79f82d54-89d2-4f94-952c-537d90331b1b">Re: i can't have 2 showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]i've registered for gifts and got some at our engagement party (i know it's not a gift giving event). <strong> i'm pretty sure there is an article on TK that says the MOH is supposed to throw the shower</strong>.  i don't think its okay to have 2 showers because my guest list is very small.  i wouldn't want to have seperate showers for both sides because i want the families coming together.  maybe i was wrong to expect a shower...so i will just keep my mouth shut until someone asks me for my list, etc.
Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]

First lesson (and something you'll learn if you hang around the boards for a little while) is to ignore what TK says you are "supposed" to do for your wedding and what people's roles are "supposed" to be. They're the wedding industry. They are out to make a buck. They don't care about hurting the feelings of your nearest and dearest.

catwine

fair enough, summer2011bride...they also say we should buy our BM's matching monogrammed totes ae gifts.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_i-cant-have-2-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c70fd7b8-a420-4f19-abc0-c2b5677a4127Post:0dc56e4c-dd5b-45ca-b638-9f771d73afc8">Re: i can't have 2 showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]fair enough, summer2011bride...they also say we should buy our BM's matching monogrammed totes ae gifts.
Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]

Yuck!

kikirst33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_i-cant-have-2-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:c70fd7b8-a420-4f19-abc0-c2b5677a4127Post:68df0f34-dd6f-46f5-aea1-5b483d6560b8">Re: i can't have 2 showers...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: i can't have 2 showers... : It isn't the bride's job to "get people together" to plan parties in her honor. Those who want to host will step up and say so. The bride should stay out of it. Also, if you choose not to register, you should politely decline showers. Showers are for physical gifts. By not registering, you are risking getting things you don't want, can't use, and possibly can't return. If you accept the shower(s), I would do at least a couple small registries.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

The bride can suggest that these people get together to plan. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

We choose not to register becuase there is honestly nothing that we need.  We have combined two households and have given away more hosehold items than we could want. Why register for more "stuff" when there is no need for it?  We have made it plain to our guests that we don't need or expect any gifts - that does not mean that they cannot have a "shower" to celebrate our wedding.   Registering for gifts when we don't need anything is simply silly and unneccessary.   A shower does not have to be a gift giving party - it can simply be a celebration for the couple.