Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Planning from the "Groom's Side"

Hello,

I'm a BM for my brother's fiancee and currently in the ideas stages with her 2 sisters (co-MOHs) and 3 other BMs for her Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party, and I am hoping to get your opinion on where we (ok, my mother) fit in as the Groom's Family.

I feel most comfortable pitching in, but allowing her sisters to take the lead.

My mother has asked me repeatedly to offer her house as the shower location (whereas I think her house should be the backup plan if the MOHs can't come up with a suitable and affordable location on their own) and believes the guestlist should include her friends, their daughters, and the groomsmen's girlfriends while I think it should be limited to just our immediate female relatives.

I am not sure how well the bride knows many of my mom's guests, but my mom says that she knows her friends will want to give my brother's fiancee a nice gift and that she feels the groomsmen's girlfriends are the fiancee's "friends" as well, but I am not 100% certain of this.  My brother has stated a few times that his fiancee and his one groomsmen's girlfriend were not on good terms at all and this has caused a lot of issues when he wants to hang out with his friend.

Additionally, the extended family is getting in on it!  Ex: We should hire my graphic designer cousin to do the invites.  I'm trying to mostly tune this out, although this is our family's first wedding in over a decade so I understand the over-eagerness.

Is it correct to add on guests from the "groom's side"?  Should all final approval on the shower guestlist come from the bride?  The MOHs?  (Adding guests becomes an expense for all the bridesmaids as well, which is not as much my concern as overstepping boundaries).   Or is it bad etiquette to just include the bride's guests, because it seems as if our family's friends don't want to give a shower gift?

Re: Bridal Shower Planning from the "Groom's Side"

  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Well... I think the bigger issue here is how many people can you hosts afford?  That should be step number one.  Decide on the number of people you can feed and host adequately.  There's nothing wrong with using your mom's house so go with that if you want!

    After that, you are free to make the guest list whatever you want.  If your mom wants these people added and you can afford them along with the people you KNOW the bride wants there then go for it.  I don't think it matters that the gf of some groomsmen doesn't like the bride - she can just decline the invite.

    I'd pass on the extended family's offers to make the invitations, however.  Just say "Thanks!  It's all taken care of!"

    EDIT: Are your mom's friends and daughters invited to the wedding?  If not, you have to cut them from the shower list right now.  Sooo... there's that!
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It sounds like your mother may be offering her house as a means to get control over the shower guest list. If you do pass along her offer, make sure the other bms are aware of your mom's expectations.

    The hosts are the ones who get to decide on the size of the guest list, because they are paying for the shower. The bride should be asked to make up a guest list of X number of people.The shower guest list should include the B & G's mothers, sisters, grandmothers, wedding party, the bride's closest friends and relatives. The party is in honor of the bride, not the MOB or MOG. Sometimes the mothers' friends are included if they are very close (like family) to the bride or groom.

    Continue to tune out suggestions of hiring your relatives to make invitations or anything else for the shower. Those decisions should be made jointly by the hosts.

                       
  • Thanks for your feedback!

    My parents have invited (and provided my brother with money for) some of their friends and their children, who are similar in age to me and my brother.  So, yes, they are on the wedding guestlist.

    This is all good feedback!!!
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