Pre-wedding Parties

ADVICE: Jack & Jill party...

I need some advice...
I am in my friend's wedding in May (she is also in mine) and she and her FI are throwing a Jack & Jill party in February. I am not sure if everyone is familiar with what the is but here is a quick summary:

The bride and groom throw a laid back party (usually at a rental hall or banquet room) with grill foods, snacks, nothing fancy. There are booze and raffle prices. The catch? Each person/couple has to pay for a ticket to attend. Supposed to help the couple out, and some think of it as a co-ed shower.

Personally, I think these are tacky and my FH and I are not having one. Just doing the traditional female-only shower. But to each his own, and my friend is doing one, as well as a shower. 

My question is - does anyone know if you are part of the BP, are you expected to pay for a ticket? Or since we are part of the BP is it expected that we are to get in free and join in the festivities? I'd rather not ask her or her sister also in the wedding...I asked our mutual best friend who is in the BP but in Washington state so she won't be attending, and she doesn't know the answer. And not that I mind paying (I guess) but I just am not friend/bride hasn't said anything about that.

I hope someone can shed some light!!

Re: ADVICE: Jack & Jill party...

  • loop0406loop0406 member
    edited December 2011
    If you're assisting with the party, you shouldn't be required to pay for ticket.

    However, if you're attending like a regular guest with no help to the party, you should pay for the ticket.

    And I agree, paying for tickets to a party is tacky.
  • edited December 2011
    ok then i guess my next step should be to ask my friend if she needs some help with it all. she did add the bridal party names in the fb event/message for people to come see us for tickets if they need them, as well as getting them from her and FI. does that count?
  • edited December 2011
    i just went through this situation - i'm in my friend's wedding and they had their jack and jill last month.  we had a big WP meeting where we said that WP did NOT have to buy a ticket, but SOs would have to.  i should mention that the WP did help - selling tickets, set up, tear down, prizes for the raffle, snacks, etc.  anyways, my friend has a crazy MOH who missed that meeting and was taking tickets at the door on the night of the event.  i told her that in the meeting it was agreed we didn't have to pay, but she made me pay anyways to get in the door!  i found out later that half the WP were made to pay and the other half didn't.  i would bluntly ask what the expectation is, because now i'm feeling a little peeved that i was made to pay when half the WP didn't.  
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="">Re: ADVICE: Jack & Jill party...</a>:
    [QUOTE]PLEASE: have something else to do that night, and tell her you won't be able to make it.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    This was what I was going to say.
  • stephasuasustephasuasu member
    edited December 2011
    Do you also bring a gift to these parties? Either way, this is ridiculous!!! I can't imagine trying to raise money for a wedding this way, this is so rude. 

    If you really need to earn side cash for your wedding, there are much more appropriate ways to do this! My fiance is in construction and has many tools at his disposal. In order to collect extra cash for our wedding, we would purchase wooden furniture form resale shops and refinish it and sell it on craigslist. This helped us a lot! 

    You should not have to pay for a ticket to this kind of party. Scratch that, this kind of party shouldn't even exist!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="">ADVICE: Jack & Jill party...</a>:
    [QUOTE]The bride and groom throw a laid back party (usually at a rental hall or banquet room) with grill foods, snacks, nothing fancy. There are booze and raffle prices. The catch? Each person/couple has to pay for a ticket to attend.
    Posted by aschmidtboston[/QUOTE]
    1. They're throwing their own party
    2. They're not even hosting it, because you have to pay to get in

    For a party fundamentally this rude there's no telling what you'll be expected to do.
  • ivyrose13ivyrose13 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    80 bucks? This sounds like more of an over-priced church function than a pre-wedding party.

    I agree with PP's, have something else to do that night.

    The truth behind a well laced dress
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    edited December 2011
    Anyone I know who has been involved in these as the WP hasn't had to pay for their own tickets, but they were expected to sell tickets to other people and buy stuff at the party.

    Honestly, I wouldn't go or sell tickets. It's a fundraiser disguised as a "party" to help pay for the wedding. If I really want to help someone with their wedding I'll just hand them cash.
  • edited December 2011
    The bride and/or groom should never throw themselves any type of shower or bachelor party. And they should not be holding a fundraiser for their wedding, honeymoon or home.

    To answer your question though, the idea is that you purchase a ticket to the party in lieu of a gift. Part of the ticket sales money may or may not be used to help defray the cost of the party. Sometimes there is a cash bar, too. Usually, the wedding party and family members donate the prizes to be used for raffles. The raffle money goes toward the gift. The prizes are sometimes given to the couple as gifts, as well. You will know this is expected if the 'prizes' are from the couples wedding registry.

    This type of party is just a shameless way to milk your friends and family members for as much cash as you can get. I once was 'invited' to one of these parties and politely declined. The ticket seller still expected me to purchase a ticket to 'support' the bride. Classy, right?
  • edited December 2011
    I am pretty sure that according to traditional etiquette, the bridal party gets a 20% discount on Jack and Jill tickets. 

    Parents of the bride and groom pay for their tickets up front, but it's tradition to give them a coupon for a 100 dollar mail-in rebate (if they sign up for the 2 year contract).

    And grandparents' tickets are subsidized by Medicare.  

  • stephasuasustephasuasu member
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't be surprised if those were the actual rules for this nonsense!
  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    edited December 2011
    they are throwing their own party? that is kind of cocky and rude..
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    NOLA: you f-ing rule.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • kristenrmu22kristenrmu22 member
    edited December 2011
    My friend who is from Erie does this but it is called a STAG AND DRAG or something. I guess it is very common in his area (not ours). The bride has her shower still, I think. And the Bride and Groom host it/pay for the Stag and Drag. So the party members don't pay. He described it as a carnival of sorts. But my thinking is that them money given to the couple via tickets is paying for the party not helping with the wedding. I don't get it. But see if you find anything on that. 
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