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Shower thrown by maids and Future MIL out of hand??

SQUIGGLES15SQUIGGLES15
10 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
I need advice on how to handle this ...

Now I really have no part of my co-ed shower other than the fact that I wanted it co-ed and I was asked if a beach theme was ok. I am finding out that my BM and FMIL are making this entire thing into what sounds like a mini reception. They hired a DJ and are all making a bunch of food to feed everyone. They rented the hall for 4 hours and are charging for tickets rather than having people bring gifts...

I don't know what to do?! I mean I love a good party but I feel like it's over the top and not what I would have thrown for someone. Especially the tickets....

I need advice..I know it's rude to put my two cents in on my own "shower" if you can even call it that but it is stressing me out!
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Re: Shower thrown by maids and Future MIL out of hand??

  • ajroarkajroark
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't understand this as the point of a bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts (not to sound gift-grabby, but that's just the way it is)...I would definitely bring it up and let them know that you would prefer something more low-key (as in not charging people for tickets).
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  • blush64blush64 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't want that either. I don't think it's really fair that they would do that without at least talking to you. A shower or anything like it is a gift but it should still be something geared toward what the bride to be would want and this doesn't sound like the case.

    I would ask them how the plans are coming and let them know what you think. I would just be honest once I found out someone was charging for tickets. I wouldn't want to be part of that. I am sure they mean well.
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  • kayleighekayleighe
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would NOT want that! Charging for tickets is tacky. If someone invited me to something like that, I probably wouldn't go.

    No advice for telling FMIL though. Last weekend she asked if we were doing a money dance and I went off on a tangent about how tacky I think it is.... and then she told me how fun it was when they did it at her wedding. Ick.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The bride usually shouldn't get involved with planning her own shower, but in this case, you should put your two cents in. I see your wedding is in November, so let's hope they haven't started selling those tickets yet.

    Tell your fmil and bm that you are not comfortable with a fundraiser in lieu of a shower. If need be, decline the shower.

    And don't forget to thank the person who gave you the heads up on their plan.
                       
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  • jrkjpfjrkjpf member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Can someone explain to me what exactly "selling tickets" means?

    Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. -Bob Marley

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    jrkjpf- Tickets are sold to the guests as a sort of cover charge to get into the Jack and Jill or Stag type fundraiser shower. Sometimes the ticket money is given to the couple as a gift from the group. And the hosts provide refreshments and entertainment (such as a dj) in exchange for their admittance. The wedding party is usually in charge of selling the tickets and they can sell them to their own friends as well as the guests that will be invited to the wedding.

    Sometimes, the ticket money is used to help defray the cost of the dj, hall and food. The party is run like a carnival type event. The guests are encouraged to gamble -with the proceeds going toward the couple as their gift. Raffle tickets are sold for prizes. Sometimes the winners of the 'prizes' are expected to donate those prizes to the couple as a bonus. You can tell if that is expected because the prizes will be items from the couples registry.

    What do you think about that?



                       
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  • breilly412breilly412 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would hate this! I was in a rock and hard place with my FMIL and my furture sister-in-law with my shower....I refused to have more than one my fiance's family lives right by my area, but my family lives 4 hours away....I have my wedding here so I wanted my shower close to MY family...The future in laws planned it for here at the only hall I said I didnt want it at, the only weekend I said I didn't want in this month, and in the town I said I didn't want...

    I finally put my foot down when they were telling me exactly what they are doing, thank the lord for my others bridesmaids because I am not sure I would want to attend my party like you do not want to attend that! (My inviatations got sent out 2 weeks before my party and never even sent where I was registered and my sister in law put to rsvp via text messaging her phone! Tacky and embarassing)

    Needless to say I hope things worked out better for you as I am not excited to go to my shower because more than half my friends cannot come and only my mom can make it in from my side of the family,,
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  • SQUIGGLES15SQUIGGLES15
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh wow! I'm sorry about the way yours was run too..I totally feel you on this! I

    'm going to try to pull my FMIL aside this week and talk it out. I just don't feel comfortable with the tickets selling idea.
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