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Not wanting a shower

I am getting married in my hometown, which just happens to be 3,000 miles from where I live now. I get in on Tuesday night, wedding is on Saturday.

My sister is adamant that there be a shower. Seriously has sent me upwards of 10 messages about it, and even wrote it on the RSVP card. I have deflected her to my MOH each time, but she keeps coming back to me instead.

But...I don't really want one. I think it's tacky to be like "here I am, give me a present. Oh, and also give me a present on Saturday." I know that's not how it really is, but it's how I feel it will look like. My MOH knows how I feel and supports whatever I decide.

But my sister doesn't get it. She thinks that because I don't want a shower and because I don't talk about all my wedding details on Facebook, that I must not be excited about getting married. I've tried to explain that half the people on FB aren't even invited, but I just can't get the no shower concept past her.

Should I just have the dang shower and suffer through it? Or stand my ground?

Re: Not wanting a shower

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    edited December 2011
    It's good that your MOH gets it but deflecting your sister to her doesn't really apply here. A shower can be thrown by anyone that wants to throw one...not just MOH. I would probably just suffer through one. No one will look at you as gift grabby because your sister throws you a shower. However, I will say that she sounds like she will be a peach when it comes to her own wedding!
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Stand your ground. Tell your sister that you appreciate the gesture, but that you won't attend.  And FWIW:  I completely understand, and would be terribly uncomfortable at a shower only days before my wedding.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the input. Actually, sis has been married for almost 25 years already :) (I was an oops baby and am much younger)
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    bookgal:  I always prefer the term "Bonus" to oops baby.  =) 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Bookgal, I feel the same way about showers.  Stand your ground.  But if you show up somewhere and look there is a shower, you are just going to have to put your best face on it and smile.

    The 25 years of marriage makes sense.  She's coming from a different culture on weddings and marriage. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Tell her that you DO want her help hosting an event.
    Not with a SHOWER, but with the BRIDESMAID'S TEA (or brunch), hosted by the bride, her mother, and any sister(s) she has - and held a day or two prior to the wedding.  See below:
    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx

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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I never talked about my wedding stuff on Facebook either... I know how obnoxious it is to read about everyone else's and frankly I just don't like putting everything out there in constant status updates. I completely agree with you, just because I wasn't doing that didn't mean I wasn't totally excited for my wedding!

    Continue to stand your ground if you really don't want a bridal shower. I like the idea of a bridesmaids luncheon or tea.
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    Starlight KelStarlight Kel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm just guessing your sister is very excited for you and this could be something she has thought about for a while (since you mentioned she is older) and has always wanted to do this when it was your time.  I believe she should do whatever you feel comfortable with but she probably just wants to share this with you.  ( This is how I felt when I did my best friend's shower.  I'm pretty sure I was almost as excited as she was about her big day lol)  Good luck, I'm sure you can work something out!
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