Not wanting a shower

bookgal77

I am getting married in my hometown, which just happens to be 3,000 miles from where I live now. I get in on Tuesday night, wedding is on Saturday.

My sister is adamant that there be a shower. Seriously has sent me upwards of 10 messages about it, and even wrote it on the RSVP card. I have deflected her to my MOH each time, but she keeps coming back to me instead.

But...I don't really want one. I think it's tacky to be like "here I am, give me a present. Oh, and also give me a present on Saturday." I know that's not how it really is, but it's how I feel it will look like. My MOH knows how I feel and supports whatever I decide.

But my sister doesn't get it. She thinks that because I don't want a shower and because I don't talk about all my wedding details on Facebook, that I must not be excited about getting married. I've tried to explain that half the people on FB aren't even invited, but I just can't get the no shower concept past her.

Should I just have the dang shower and suffer through it? Or stand my ground?

suz62984

It's good that your MOH gets it but deflecting your sister to her doesn't really apply here. A shower can be thrown by anyone that wants to throw one...not just MOH. I would probably just suffer through one. No one will look at you as gift grabby because your sister throws you a shower. However, I will say that she sounds like she will be a peach when it comes to her own wedding!

trix1223

Stand your ground. Tell your sister that you appreciate the gesture, but that you won't attend.  And FWIW:  I completely understand, and would be terribly uncomfortable at a shower only days before my wedding.

bookgal77

Thanks for the input. Actually, sis has been married for almost 25 years already (I was an oops baby and am much younger)

trix1223

bookgal:  I always prefer the term "Bonus" to oops baby.   

mysticl

Bookgal, I feel the same way about showers.  Stand your ground.  But if you show up somewhere and look there is a shower, you are just going to have to put your best face on it and smile.

The 25 years of marriage makes sense.  She's coming from a different culture on weddings and marriage. 

Kristin789

Tell her that you DO want her help hosting an event.
Not with a SHOWER, but with the BRIDESMAID'S TEA (or brunch), hosted by the bride, her mother, and any sister(s) she has - and held a day or two prior to the wedding.  See below:
http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx

SuMmErKuTiE

I never talked about my wedding stuff on Facebook either... I know how obnoxious it is to read about everyone else's and frankly I just don't like putting everything out there in constant status updates. I completely agree with you, just because I wasn't doing that didn't mean I wasn't totally excited for my wedding!

Continue to stand your ground if you really don't want a bridal shower. I like the idea of a bridesmaids luncheon or tea.

Starlight Kel

I'm just guessing your sister is very excited for you and this could be something she has thought about for a while (since you mentioned she is older) and has always wanted to do this when it was your time.  I believe she should do whatever you feel comfortable with but she probably just wants to share this with you.  ( This is how I felt when I did my best friend's shower.  I'm pretty sure I was almost as excited as she was about her big day lol)  Good luck, I'm sure you can work something out!