engagement party? who had one who didnt?

jhulme

I got engaged in jan and i have been debating whether or not to have an engagement party to be honest i dont see the point of it. I sent out annoncements to friends and family similar to photo xmas cards so everyone knows esp since its been 9 months (holy cow time flies!!!) i am going to have my shower this next summer around july 2011 since i wont be married until jan 2012... i am going to have my shower on a thursday and my bachlorette weekend (vegas of course) fri sat and sun so my out of town bms can be present for both...hmmmm.... save money for the wedding? or throw an engagement party?

banana468

Well, an engagement party is thrown for you and not by you.  So if someone doesn't offer then you don't throw one yourself.

I have to ask, why is the shower host throwing your shower six months in advance of the wedding?

[Deleted User]

i did not have an engagement party. I told my family not to throw one, I think it is not necessary. Like you we told people and are sending out STDs. I know a lot of people who do have them, but I think its a lot to ask of your guests for an engagement gift, shower gift and wedding gift. Even if they are spread out, and honestly I celebrated with the people who mattered we went out to dinner with our families. And then out for drinks with our friends!

AdeleDazeem

There's a whole lot of ridiculous in this post.

I agree with banana - you don't throw your own engagement party.  You also don't throw your own shower or bachelorette party.  I'm just throwing that information out there.

jhulme

Were having the shower right before the bachlorette because 4 of my bms are from out of town (way out of town) i dont want them flying out here 3 times thats about 500 for each round trip way to much for them to spend... i live in so cal so i go to vegas alot i know promoters so we never have to pay for bottles or cabanas. Also the girls would fly out here for my bachlorette anyways so the 4 hr drive isnt gonna be a big deal and hotels are cheap if you book them in advance but im going to have about 15 girls so she was thinking a penthouse instead of like 5 rooms. Were going to vegas in the summer time because we want to go to the pool parties hence y my shower is going to be in summer right before the bachlorette. She also mentioned a weekend cruise to mexico (bms and close friends) we might do that as well since we will prob do vegas anyways more than once that summer. And im not a stickler with rules as to what should be sent out before what but thanks for the advice. my shower host asked what i wanted to do and everyone is looking forward to next summer plus im a control freak so im gonna have a say no matter what whether im suppose to or not haha.

jhulme

i didnt say i was going to throw my own pre wedding functions i was offered an engagement party by my MIL but said id rather have that money go towards the wedding etc and my bachlorette and shower my bms have already offered to throw me so please dont say my post is ridiculous unless you know all the details this is a friendly place to get advice and share stories...

banana468

Please remember that you may be a control freak but when it comes to an event thrown for you, it really is necessary that you back off.

So many people post on here that it just isn't fun throwing a party for a bride who wants to control every little detail.  You can control the things you're hosting but when people want to do nice things for you, please don't tell them how to do it.  It can really put a strain on your relationships.

Miss_Sophia

FI and I got engaged in the beginning of December of 08'. My parents wanted to throw a small intimate get-together at their house for our immeditate family members before the holiday rushes.

My mom did wine, beer and heavy hor deuveres (spelling?) at their house. FI's parents, his brother and SIL and sister and BIL and my siblings and grandparents. Nothing fancy just relaxing and fun times :-)

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-one-didnt?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:e0f95a45-9cdc-4cd0-b890-57dfe8791b6dPost:552232a4-0423-4533-b577-f815f00d1849">Re: engagement party? who had one who didnt?</a>:
[QUOTE]i didnt say i was going to throw my own pre wedding functions i was offered an engagement party by my MIL but said id rather have that money go towards the wedding etc and my bachlorette and shower my bms have already offered to throw me so please dont say my post is ridiculous unless you know all the details this is a friendly place to get advice and share stories...
Posted by jhulme[/QUOTE]

Did your MIL offer to put that money toward the wedding instead?  You can't just assume that you can redirect money that was offered for one purpose into something else unless the giver has said that's ok.

Personally, I don't know anybody IRL that has had an e-party.

lisaremmes

Our parents threw us an engagement party about a month and a half after we got engaged with our close family and friends which turned out to be 75 people. It was such a nice time I'm so glad we did it!  

And I understand where your coming from in planning events to accommodate people. My Dad, stepmom, brother and sister live an airplane ride away so we have to keep them in mind for thing also. Having the bridal shower in your case 6 months in advance works out for you & your bp so thats all that matters. 

trix1223

I don't know anybody IRL who had an engagement party, and that includes my son and DIL and DD and SIL.

Kristin789

ENGAGEMENT PARTY:

The time for an engagement party has passed.  Eparties are held in the second, third or fourth months after getting engaged.  For you, that would have been Feb., Mar., or April.  It's now September.  See below:
http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/engagement-party-planning-101.aspx

You wouldn't host/plan an engagement party even if you still had time.  You are the bride.

Now you CAN host some kind of cookout or get-together or dinner with your friends whenever you want.  You just can't call it an engagement party.

SHOWER:

Showers - baby or wedding - occur within a 6-week window prior to the event. 

You can certainly go to Vegas with friends whenever you want.  You just can't call it a shower.

allyootz713

We had an  "engagement party" but it was more of a come meet the families and yay we are engaged type thing.  It was a backyard BBQ for both my family and his that hadn't met eachother yet.  We also invited close friends and the guys from the fire department (fiance is a FF).  It was pouring rain the entire time - everyone got soaked - but had a fantastic time.  All we heard for the following weeks was what a fun wedding we would have and they couldn't wait!

sabatron

Don't do an engagement party.  They're gift grabby and pointless. You never throw one for yourselves... that just makes it more obnoxious. You also have a really long engagement, which makes it kinda weird. Don't worry, everyone will be glad you didn't have one.

mlprck27

We got engaged in May of this year and are going to be throwing ourselves an engagement party at the end of November.  I do believe in following the "rules" etc but it is very important for us that our families are able to meet and get to know each other before the wedding, etc.  We both come from divorced and extended families so it will also be a nice test of having my biological parents in the same room together for one day and hopefully it will help me relieve some of my nerves.  I know a lot of people are saying engagement parties are all about asking for more gifts, $ etc. but to be honest I could care less if anyone even brought a card.  An engagement party is a time to celebrate with your family and close friends.  It shouldn't matter when you hold it.  If you want to celebrate your engagement celebrate it.  And as far as it being thrown for you not by you.  I don't think anyone should skip it because someone didn't offer.  This only happens once you don't want to regret not having one either. 

slr31

We didnt' have an engagement party, and I don't mind. And I agree with all the posters; you do not throw an engagement party, bridal shower, or bachelorette party for yourself. Since the biggest point of having those prewedding parties are that guests "shower" you with gifts, if you throw it yourself, it looks like you're grabbing for gifts. And a shower should be given usually no sooner than 2 months before your wedding, so you're probably looking at waiting until November 2011 or so. But again, wait until someone else offers to throw you your shower. Normally it's your mother, FMIL, or MOH. If no one does, then no one does. A shower isn't mandatory.

andamu

We had an engagement party.  My fiance's parents threw it for us about three weeks after we were engaged - it was a way for them to introduce my parents to their closest friends and family.  It's traditional in my fiance's culture to have an engagement party (people often have an engagement ceremony as well, though they opted not to do that, just a couple of engagement rituals at home). 

Most of the Indian couples I know have an e-party, most of the non-Indian ones don't, or they have a casual meet-and-greet for the two families or something.

It was a lot of fun, especially the things we did at home with the family, but if we hadn't had one, it wouldn't have broken my heart.  Lots and lots of people don't.

Hellokatie0517

I didn't have one.  I'm the third child in my family and the last to get married -- none of us had an e-party.  My mom never thought to throw one since she hadn't been to one in 30 years.  I found it to be pointless.  We got engaged Oct. 2009, told everyone we knew (and knew we would invite to the wedding) in person or on the phone.  Plus we had no date set, so I found it to be pointless for us since everyone knew already.  If we had someone throw a party, then it would have seemed gift grabby -- even though gifts aren't expected.  If I could do it all over again, FI and I would have just told our parents and then had a casua BBQ a week later and surprised our guests with the news.  But, that ship has long since sailed.  I'm not a fan of e-parties.  I guess if I were to throw one for my kids it would be a casual family and close friends get together.  Not a 100 person monstrosity that some people throw.  Save your money for your wedding. 

I

luvredstockins

I wanted to have one, but my fiance had never heard of having one, so I felt funny about it. We are both the first in both families, so its all new! Since to me the purpose of an engagement party is for the families to meet, we decided to have a "meet & greet" party. That way no one felt obligated to bring gifts (though we still got a few), and we could host the party ourselves. It was also our first cookout in our new house, so it doubled as a house warming. Worked great for us