How to politely reassign bachelorette party planning

islandblonde

I know that traditionally, your maid of honor is supposed to plan your bachelorette party. Well, I'd really like to re-delegate that responsibility, but I'm not sure how.

My sister is my maid of honor. She's a party girl. Her idea of a bachelorette party is something with lots of alcohol, plastic penises, and silly "truth or dare" games with random men at bars and clubs.

While I would go to something like that for a friend, that's not how I want _my_ bachelorette party to be. What I want is a fun, non-trashy girls' night out -- or night in getting pampered with massages and all that.

My girlfriends are also spread all over the country, so it would likely be a destination thing.

My sister is probably pumped for planning my alcohol-fueled plastic penis fest. How do I make it clear that is the LAST thing I want to do for my bachelorette party -- and would it be possible to choose someone else to do the planning without hurting feelings?

waltzingmatilda13

Unfortunately you can't delegate who plans your b-party, because first someone has to volunteer to throw you one. They are not mandatory and you shouldn't really plan your own. If someone offers to throw one they can ask you what you'd like to do, but you shouldn't flat out tell them what you want to do and where. Throwing an party in your own honor just looks bad. So let your WP and sister work this one out on their own.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_politely-reassign-bachelorette-party-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:e10e72ee-2211-4302-9315-54e227190c6ePost:a330f27a-37b8-4e8f-ac5d-69bd546f770a">How to politely reassign bachelorette party planning</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that traditionally, your maid of honor is supposed to plan your bachelorette party. Well, I'd really like to re-delegate that responsibility, but I'm not sure how. My sister is my maid of honor. She's a party girl. Her idea of a bachelorette party is something with lots of alcohol, plastic penises, and silly "truth or dare" games with random men at bars and clubs. While I would go to something like that for a friend, that's not how I want _my_ bachelorette party to be. What I want is a fun, non-trashy girls' night out -- or night in getting pampered with massages and all that. My girlfriends are also spread all over the country, so it would likely be a destination thing. My sister is probably pumped for planning my alcohol-fueled plastic penis fest. How do I make it clear that is the LAST thing I want to do for my bachelorette party -- and would it be possible to choose someone else to do the planning without hurting feelings?
Posted by islandblonde[/QUOTE]

loop0406

You should talk to your sister 1st and give her suggestions of what you'd like for bachelorette party. If she's still not understanding, have your mom or something else chime in. Even if you're not hosting or planning the party, your wishes to not get shit-faced on that day should be considered and respected.

quotequeen

You can't re-delegate who plans the party because it's not your place to request one in the first place.  You don't get to tell people to throw parties in your honor.  If MOH offers to throw you a bach party, then you can discuss the type of party she plans to throw, and if you are not comfortable with the plans, you can decline the offer.  If somebody else offers to throw you one, you can accept or decline that one.

RebeccaB88

I don't see anything wrong with letting her know that you are not comfortable with what she is planning, and would prefer not to do it.  You can also let your mom and bridal party know how you feel and see if they can sway her towards something you're more comfortable with. She can throw the party if she wants, but would look kind of stupid going out and doing all that stuff by herself.  That might help change her mind, if she knew no one would attend if she did it her way. 

Honestly, I think the best manners of anyone who wants to throw a party for the bride is to ask what kind of party she wants, then go on from there and plan it according to their budget, location, and time.

Starlight Kel

I don't see anything wron with talking to your sis/MOH about this.  She is doing it for you so I would think she would want you to have fun.  I don't think you should re-asign it if she volunteered to do the party for you, thats a little much.  Just talk to her!  I as a MOH was told by the bride that she didn't want any plastic penis things at her Bach. either.  I had no problem!  I also don't see anything wrong with planning your own.  Its a "last" hoorah before the big day with your girlfriends.  Have fun!  I'm sure she will understand if you just talk to her.