Pre-wedding Parties

Taxation without Representation

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding. None of the bridesmaids are very close to one another. We really only know one another through the bride. The maid of honor emailed everyone asking for $250 to cover the bridal shower, the gift for the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party.

A couple days later, she sent out an email justifying the expenses, which makes me believe that some of the other bridesmaids will have trouble coming up with that amount. I personally will find it difficult to pay that much also, though it's only money, and I will recover.

I just feel like we could have been consulted more so that we can plan the party within everyone's budget. The bridal shower is in a resturaunt. I have been in 5 weddings previously, and we threw showers at people's homes. Also, I would like the option to pick out a present on my own for my friend's bridal shower. Furthermore, at every bachelorette party I have attended, guests have paid their own way, and everyone there made sure the bride was taken care of.

Anyway, if I were the only one having trouble with this, I would suck it up, but it sounds like other bridesmaids are having difficulty also. Should I try talking to the Maid of Honor, or should I just pay and be done with it?

Re: Taxation without Representation

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The MOH should have asked if and how much each of the bms would like to contribute toward the shower, the bp, the gift. She also should have included all contributers (co-hosts) in the planning.

    You should not break the bank for your friend's wedding. Let the MOH know how much you will be contributing. Tell her you are sending her X dollars for the shower and will be purchasing a gift for the bride on your own so you will not be contributing to the group gift.

    Good luck.
  • The MOH should have asked everyone's budget first. However where in Jersey is the shower? If it is in North or Central having it in a resturant is the norm. I've never been to a shower at a house and I've been to 10 in the last 2.5 years.
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  • I'm sure she means well and just wants to throw a nice shower for her best friend. I just wanted to make sure I was not being cheap. I will talk to her and suggest a couple ideas. I will also ask what she is planning on getting the bride and express an interest that if we are buying a group gift, I really would prefer to have some say. I just don't like the idea of shelling out the cash without putting any thought into it.

    Thank you for your input.
  • BTW, it's in South Jersey. I have never been to a shower in North Jersey, and you know they're practically two seperate states.
  • My BM worked together & planned a bridal shower at the party room at the condo development of one of the BM's. I had too many guests for anyone to host it at their homes. The mom's helped out with food some but by time the decorattions & running around was done, my MOH said she wished they had compared prices because by time they were done & all the work of running around & the food, it would have been easier & cheapier to go have gone to a resturant.

    That being said, my MOH did a lot via email sharing her vision of the party & asking who would be able to do what. The girls volunteered to do different things based on their budgets & time, she worked around that. For my bachlorette party, MOH has planned a great budget friendly event. I wanted something relaxed & easy going, no big night on the town. So she is kicking her kids & husband out for the night & we're doing a girls night in at her house. They are asking everyone who is coming to bring a snack & bottle of wine to share and we're going to do a wine tasting event at her house & hopefully get our hands on Magic Mike movie (since we don't have any male dance reviews in the area) & just sit around & talk. My friends are excited about this because it is so budget friendly. This way I can really spend time with some of girlfriends and my BM aren't going crazy or broke trying to plan it.

    Good luck

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