Bachleor/Bachleorette Party (not the usual issue)

bridgied111

Ny FI and I were friends for 2 years before we started dating, and we have the same goup of friends.  My bachleorette party was last weekend, and I went to Chicago (where we went to school), and did a girls weekend with the girls in the group.  His bachleor party is this weekend, and he also headed to Chicago, and arrived last night.  When he arrived all of his guy friends were still at work, so he and his best friend from childhood hung out with my best friend.  I spoke with her today and she said "I think the whole group is going to get together tonight."  I dont know why, but I feel upset by this, because his bachleor party isnt so much a guys weekend, as a party with all of our mutual friends that I am not invited to. 

I havent said anything about this to him, but do you think I am out of line. 

bridgied111

Yea,, except when one of the girls mentioned that she wanted to see him a couple of months ago, the organizer of the party was very adamant about no girls, so I think my FI invited them last night.

2Bwed2011

Sounds like an issue between your FI and the party organizer then.  If the organizer said no girls and your FI invited girls then they need to work it out amongst themselves.  You should not get involved.  I do understand the hurt though, but still I don't think you should say anything.

aleighk1

I would personally be a little hurt, too. I'm really bad about getting my feelings hurt easily, but that's just me. Anyway, it's understandable that your feelings are hurt but there isn't much you can do.

NillaWafer10

Boo.  That's no fun.  Call up a girlfriend and have fun yourself tonight. Stay away from the alcohol if you're super bummed.  That spells disaster waiting to happen.

bridgied111

I dont know why, but this continues to bother me.  Over the 5 yrs. we have been dating we have only had a couple of fights, and the first one was over the same issue.  We haden't been together that long and he told me that he needed a night with the guys, which I was ok with until proceeded to invite all of my girlfriends, who kept coming up to me and asking why I wasnt going out that night....(there was only really one bar on campus, so if he didnt want to see me, I really had nowhere to go)  so long story short, I ended up sitting home and getting angrier and angrier while all of my friends were out.

I guess I just need to get over this.  With the exception of that one time it hasnt really been a problem the entire time we have been dating.

marinabreeze

I can see being bothered by this, but I agree with PPs in the sense that it may not be worth it to pick a fight. 

That said, have you ever gone out with your friends (both male and female) without him?  If not, why not?   Also, more importantly, do you have any friends that aren't also his? 

I think it's great that you share many of the same friends, but the concern I would have is that your lives might be a little too enmeshed.  Realistically, it's healthy to have some "me" time without FI, but if you have all of the same friends then it's hard to just have someone that you know you can hang out with and is kind of "in your corner."  If you don't have your own friends, I really think you should work on making your own, because this issue may grow into something more major down the road if not addressed.

Ghoti

Eh, I'd be pissed and would call him on it. It sounds like his bachaleor party turned into a Jack and Jill party, minus you. That's pretty lame.

bridgied111

Of course I have friends that are not in the group, as does he.  And of course I have gone out with our friends without him, but when I do go out with that particular group, I have never told him that he is not welcome to join.  Both of our closest friends are in that group.  I am feeling better about this today.  Yesterday I was just pissed that my girlfriends kept calling me and telling me what a good time they had, and how they wished I was there, but obviously I wasnt welcome.

This really has not been a persistant issue in our relationship.  It had definately not been an issue since we finished college, and there is more than one place to hang out.  It is more of a one off because of the bachleor party.

Thanks for the advice!

Summer2011Bride

I understand why you're upset. I would bring up it calmly AFTER the party is over, not right before it and while it's going on and ONLY discuss it with your FI. Just find out the whole story first of all, explain calmly why you were upset, hear his explanation, and then hoepfully move on unless there was more to it.

palegirl146

Are you kidding me?  I understand your frustration, but you are so lucky that this is the worst thing that happened about the bachelor party!  I have read some pretty terrible things about bachelor parties, and if my FI decided to have MY girlfriends at his party, I would be thrilled, because that's an extra level of accountability!  Maybe that's why he invited them?  You can't have strippers with your future wife's best friends there...lucky you!  Let it pass, and definitely don't have a fight over this!  You will both get to see all of these friends again soon...at your wedding!!!!