Engagement Party Invites

amygregory08

Preparing to send out the invites for our engagement party in about a month, my fiance and I decided that it would be more practical to have everyone bring a dish for this little get-together. Both of our families love to cook, and every get-together we've ever had, people bring dishes to. We would waste a lot of money on catering, when people would insist on bringing dishes anyway. I want to get the point across of this being a 'pot-luck' without actually using that phrase in the invites. Any ideas?

heyimbren

You shouldn't be hosting your own engagement party. You host the wedding reception, while the majority of pre-wedding events are hosted by others as a gift to the couple.

banana468

PP is correct.  From an etiquette perspective a couple shouldn't host their own engagement party.

The reason is that engagement parties, showers, and bachelorette parties (among other pre-wedding events) are in honor of the couple.  The reception is actually for the guests and where they're received by the couple (and / or the hosts of the reception).

If you want to have a meet and greet that's fine.  If you are afraid of calling it a potluck, I'd advise you not to have it that way.  Plan a meet and greet and prior to the planning, make a few phone calls and see if you could get some assistance with the food from a few key people.

Muffin'sMom

There really is no other word for asking people to provide the food for the party than pot luck!

andamu

How many people are you having?

If it's not too many, plan on preparing food.  If people want to bring something, they'll offer, and you can adjust what you were planning to fix accordingly.  (I think that with say, your parents, you could ask them to help out directly, but let everyone else offer.)

amygregory08

I know that the proper 'etiquette' is to have other people throw your engagement party, however, I had to plan ahead beings as our two families are hard to get together. It's basically a get-together so our families can meet each other before we all start planning a big wedding together. I don't see the point of following the so-called "rules" of weddings anyway.

Thanks to the people who posted to help answer my question.

Muffin'sMom

If you don't care, then why did you ask?  Go ahead and do what you want.

trix1223

Clearly, by your follow-up posts, you don't care.  So do whatever you want.  And if people talk about it being in poor taste~well, apparently that won't bother you.

BTW:  I'm one of those people who thinks that throwing your own e-party is in poor taste.

Have the get together.  Just don't send out "engagement party" invites, and don't make the get together wedding related.

amygregory08

Evidently my question wasn't clear to anyone..

I asked how best to word the invitations, not everyone's opinion on my party.
If this is how the forums are at the Knot, I won't be using them to ask any opinions.
I was under the impression that this was about brides getting together to help each other out, since they're going through the same things.

The main members of our families know about the party and THEY see absolutely no problem with us hosting our own party, and I'm sorry if that offends YOU, beings as none of you are actually COMING!!

Thanks for nothing..

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:e96de6ee-967d-407b-b692-87e2762b5bc4Post:49413782-706a-46a0-b9d5-5444e28e6fe6">Re: Engagement Party Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]Evidently my question wasn't clear to anyone.. I asked how best to word the invitations, not everyone's opinion on my party. If this is how the forums are at the Knot, I won't be using them to ask any opinions. I was under the impression that this was about brides getting together to help each other out, since they're going through the same things. The main members of our families know about the party and THEY see absolutely no problem with us hosting our own party, and I'm sorry if that offends YOU, beings as none of you are actually COMING!! Thanks for nothing..
Posted by amygregory08[/QUOTE]

No, your question was very clear.

Regardless of what you ask, this is a public forum where people can really put whatever they like. You may not like the answers given, but that comes with the territory.

All PP were trying to help you out. Here's how the forums work: you post a question, and you get responses based on what you post. The posters on here are going to be honest with you, and provide their suggestions.

Nobody said they were offended by what you're doing. It doesn't affect anyone on here, you're right. We were informing you of the proper etiquette. What you choose to do with that is your decision. TK is fairly strict on what is proper etiquette; if you don't like that aspect of it, there may be better boards for you. You really overreacted in your post. You weren't attacked or anything.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-invites-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:e96de6ee-967d-407b-b692-87e2762b5bc4Post:49413782-706a-46a0-b9d5-5444e28e6fe6">Re: Engagement Party Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]Evidently my question wasn't clear to anyone.. I asked how best to word the invitations, not everyone's opinion on my party.<strong> If this is how the forums are at the Knot, I won't be using them to ask any opinions. I was under the impression that this was about brides getting together to help each other out, since they're going through the same things.</strong> The main members of our families know about the party and THEY see absolutely no problem with us hosting our own party, and I'm sorry if that offends YOU, beings as none of you are actually COMING!! Thanks for nothing..
Posted by amygregory08[/QUOTE]

I think there are two sentences that really stand out.  You did ask for opinions.  Unfortunately, the opinions you received weren't necessarily what you wanted to hear.

Just understand that in a forum, people can and will post based on their opinions and based on what is considered correct etiquette.  You don't have to like it and you can think it's a load of hogwash, but etiquette doesn't change.

The other aspect is that indeed, this site is for brides to be, moms and former brides to be to help each other out.  All of the things that people stated were helping you.  Again, just because it isn't an answer to your question doesn't mean that it isn't advice and that it isn't helpful.  People here are posting to try to help prevent you from making a huge etiquette blunder.  You can choose not to follow that advice, but please understand that many people will not choose to tell you how to do something that is inappropriate.