am I out of line on this?

mrsjustinm2b

My FSIL had offered to host my bachlorette party, to which I said okay. She has planned the typical bar crawl and "penis olympics' which I am less than excited about. This party is going to be mostly family and WP anyway and I have one bm who will be 16. I dont want to not include her by going out to the pub and like I said, I'm less than excited to go out to the pub drinking, its really not my thing, and two of my BM's dont drink in additon to my one underaged BM.
 My sister the MOH, has emailed FSIL and told her that it probably isnt the best idea and that isnt really what we like to do in our crowd and I may not be comfortable with that, to which FSIL emailed me and told me to tell my sister that all plans were pre approved by me. We discussed a little bit months ago but I havent been involved so...no they arnt.  
I sent FSIL an email saying that since most of the WP doesnt like to go to the clubs, maybe we can go lazer bowling or somthing. Am I out of line to suggest that?? I'm afraid she will think I'm "compromising what I really want", which apparently is what im doing if my plans are any different than she would have if it was her "pretty princess day" ewww.  and go ahead with her plans.

waltzingmatilda13

I don't think you're out of line. I actually think you're being really nice to try to include your underage BM and do something that everyone would be comfortable with, like bowling. I think your FSIL is out of line by continuing to go ahead with plans when she knows that people will be uncomfortable and not included.

If she still continues to plan something where you know not everyone will have fun and put in awkward situations, just let her know that you are declining a bachelorette party, but thank her for all of her help and ideas. Then you or your MOH can plan a girl's night out with the BMs and family and just don't call it a b-party.

McKenna2012

That doesn't sound out of line at all.  If you and several of the girls don't really care for going out drinking (or can't go being 16), then the party doesn't sound right for that group.

LoveMuffins

What on earth is Penis Olympics??

Pointing out to her that part of your WP wouldn't be able to be involved, and that you're not comfortable doing excessive drinking and/or Penis Olympicing in front of them should help make the case that this what you really want. It's very generous of her to offer to plan it, but she should definitely also take into consideration the other guests and you.

However, maybe if you talk to her about it again, instead of shifting the blame to the other members of your WP by saying that "since most of the WP doesn't like clubs", you could state why you would appreciate different plans. That might help alleviate any confusion she might have as to whether or not you're "compromising what you really want".

mrsjustinm2b

I am hoping I don't have to find out what they are.... Love Muffins : Good plan, I will make sure to say that "I" would prefer to do something else. I'm sure the rest of thr WP will tell her the same thing when she polls them individually. Why she doesnt believe them I'm not sure.

mrsjustinm2b

haha, "penis olympicing" lol

xcrewgal

I don't think you're out of line at all.  Honestly I'm 28 and am finding most of my engaged friends are steering away from the typical bar-crawl type bachelorette party.  Most of us don't "party" like we used to, and a night in a crowded, noisy bar isn't our idea of a great time anymore.

That being said, I think you can handle this politely and without drama.  Just call your FSIL and say that, which you're so grateful she's offered to host, you had really hoped for a more toned-down party that wasn't too focused on alcohol and the clubs.  I like that you suggested other options.  Maybe even go further to look into them and say "this place is available and only costs xx amount of money" or "I'd be happy to take you to coffee to discuss some other options".

If she still gives you a hard time, well consider having another friend host.  The host should be considerate of you and the fact that this is your ONE bachelorette and you should be looking forward to it!

FutureJilliannD

Although most people believe that you shouldn't help plan your b-party, I think it is completely fine to make your wishes to NOT have a crazy drunk night known. I know that when asked what I would like, I said "no crazy games, no strippers"

I would just say to your FSIL that you are not comfortable with the kind of night that is planned, and make sure that she knows it is you talking and not the other BMs.

kgorman307

My sister's "bachelorette party" was a really nice dinner with the wedding party and it was exactly her style. She NEVER would have had fun going out drinking, and I don't think that's what a bachelorette party needs to be.

Call her and tell her it's just not you, but you appreciate her wanting to throw you a party. If she knows you well, I am sure she'll understand.

genzypoo

OMG im so scared for my BACH party my friends get off embarrasing me cuz It's just so darn easy!  Penis olympics???? eeek..!!!! im scared!!!