Pre-wedding Parties
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I sound really ungratefull but.... (long vent)

my bridesmaids wouldn't allow me to have any input to what I wanted to do for my bachelloret party Course from what I heard they are planning I hope I come down with a 24 hour stomach flu and start throwing up every 5 minutes on the day of. Stupid games sitting around my maid of honors apartment. I could sit at my own apartment and play farmville if I wanted to do that. I keep getting mixed messages also like my MOH said last saturday during my nightmare of a shower  that we were going to pre game or whatever its called and I assumed wew were going out and they didn't say that they had any plans so I sent MOH a message about going bar hopping and her mom (Fi's sister) sent him a message chewing him out about me sending MOH a message about going bar hopping last minute and that they already made plans and MOH didn't have a sitter for her 1 year old so we couldn't go out anyway and its like well why the hell did she say something about going out less than a week ago??? And why are people bitching just cause I make one damn suggestion. Thats all it was. I'm so freaking aggravated and dissapointed that I'm close to tears. I have 3 kids I never get to go out I was hoping at least on my bachelloret party I would get to go out somewhere. But again I am let down.

Re: I sound really ungratefull but.... (long vent)

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    ebl2ebl2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess there's not a whole lot you can do.  Even after suggesting you wanted to go out they threw a fit.  I would say to avoid bitter feelings right before the wedding just do what they have planned.  If you have any friends that would like to go out after that party just say to them you're planning on going to a bar after if you would like to come.
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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, us brides aren't supposed to plan our pre-wedding parties, but the MOH and other BM's who do should be keeping your wishes in mind when planning the parties. As a BM in the past we came up with ideas we knew the bride-to-be would love, and sometimes ran them by her to make sure that's how she wanted to spend her bachelorette or bridal shower and then we went full steam ahead with the planning.

    I'm sorry they made all these plans without asking you how you'd like to spend your bachelorette party, but once you spoke up about what you wanted to do, they should have tried to switch gears and please the bride not themselves. After all, you're the guest of honor! But, if they stick to their original plans, as much as it's not what you had wanted to do, I'm sure you'll have fun. After all, you'll be surrounded by your closest girlfriends right before you marry the love of your life.  I would just try to make the best of it, and maybe see if some of the girls are up for an "after party" of hitting up the town.
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe they are trying to surprise you? And are getting mad that you are trying to get involved and possibly ruin the surprise?
    Hope you have a good time regardless of what is planned.
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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There are a lot of things that could be going on.

    As PP suggested, perhaps it's a surprise and you're getting all worked up over nothing.

    Maybe the people throwing it don't have the funds to do anything more involved.

    Maybe "bar hopping" isn't something they are comfortable with OR think that a mother of 3 would want to do right before getting married (no judgment, just offering a suggestion on what may be going through their heads).

    Perhaps the babysitting factor IS a big deal for your MoH.  That's something all brides have to accept as a possibility when asking people with children to be in their wedding party.  Their kids will always come before your wedding.

    I am also a Mother, so I understand you wanting a night to get out and have fun.   I guess for me, having an evening with my closests friends, sans children, would fit that bill - even if no bars were involved.

    I hope you can enjoy whatever they are doing for you because, ultimately, they don't have to do anything.
    10-10-10
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    edited December 2011

    It's hard to give up the control of something that has to do with our weddings, but at least your girls wanted to plan something for you that they thought you'd enjoy.  I agree with the PP that said they should have asked you what you wanted to do in general (ie go out/stay in) and kept that in mind when they were planning in the same way that I hope my girls respect my wishes for no male strippers at my party, they're just....icky...in my opinion.
    There are other girls on these boards who don't have bridesmaids who are willing to plan parties for them (as it's not a necessity) so I guess you should be gracious and thank them for doing something for you.  You can, after all, arrange a girls night in the future. Have all the kids stay at one house and hire a couple of babysitters (maybe call a local college and speak to someone in the child development or early education program for recommendations of responsible students who would love the opportunity) it's just a bachelorette party, it's not the end of the world.

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    edited December 2011
    My wedding isn't for another year and I am having a similar problem with my maid of honor. She keeps throwing the idea of us getting a limo and going out to back woods bars in the middle of nowhere (this actually was her choice of words, not mine). I am not ok with that for 2 reasons. 1) because my sister who is a BM is underage and will still be under 21 in a year and 2) because I don't really feel like getting raped or murdered at some unknown back woods bar. I keep suggesting that we all go to my grandparents weekend house and have a girls weekend, but whatev. I guess what I am saying is at least shes not putting you in danger of getting raped by hillbillies.
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    tommyandytommyandy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There are people in WV who aren't hillbillies? *wink wink

    OP, get over it, at least somebody you know cares enough about you to throw a party & a shower.  Even if they don't meet your standards.  Some knotties would practically kill for any bachelorette activity or bridal shower.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree that brides should plan their bridal showers (or even know about it if possible), but I think the bach party is different- no gifts are involved, usually no formal "hosting", and it can range from mild to maniac and everything in between.  If a bride doesn't share some input in the planning process, it can be a real disaster.  My MOH is getting married 6 weeks after me, and my BM is across the country in Ireland.  Maybe it's a different situation given those circumstances, but I sent out an email on my own behalf to the people I wanted at my bach party, with a suggestion for the night.  Others soon got involved and took the reigns, but now we are doing exactly what I wanted, and I didn't put my bride/MOH bf in the middle of it when I was totally capable of sending the email out myself.  No one threw any fits, either.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_sound-really-ungratefull-but-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f6abae56-74ba-444c-bbc7-0d6263859d24Post:5707ef5d-7974-42c3-9704-3daf49fae165">Re: I sound really ungratefull but.... (long vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are people in WV who aren't hillbillies? *wink wink OP, get over it, at least somebody you know cares enough about you to throw a party & a shower.  Even if they don't meet your standards.  Some knotties would practically kill for any bachelorette activity or bridal shower.
    Posted by tommyandy[/QUOTE]


    Haha yea there are a select few of us who aren't hillbillies!
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