Shower Disappointment

bf43005

So my shower is this coming Saturday and I found out about it.  I think everyone knew I would piece it together.  My FMIL is throwing it for me.  With the help of the bridal party.  But they live pretty far away so she set up most of the plans.  So my FI isn't trying to keep anything a secret anymore but we aren't announcing that I know. 
Well last night his Mom called for other stuff and mention to him that no one from my family is coming and that even one of my closest friends isn't coming.  I am totally devestated.  I can't believe that no one in my family is coming or my friend.  FI says I should be happy because my "new family" cares enough to show.  And I am, don't get me wrong I am thrilled that his family is so supportive and accepting.  But still it's MY family and MY friend.  There are some people I knew wouldn't show because of distance but a lot are only a few hours away.  I am really happy FI told me so I have a week to prepare myself and not be disappointed at the shower. 
Am I overreacting and should just be happy with the people who do show up.  I almost wish I hadn't send the wedding invites or I would take these people off the guest list. 
I guess I am just looking for another perspective.  TIA!

AdeleDazeem

Aww.. that's sad.  I'd be upset, too.  Do you have idea why so much of your family can't make it?  Are they all really far away?  Is your mother coming to the shower at least?

I'd be understanding obviously if everyone has legitimate reasons for not being able to make it.  Bummed, certainly, but understanding.

And - maybe this is just ridiculous to say - but maybe your side of the family is planning their own shower...? 

bf43005

Well my mother passed away years ago which has been it's own struggle with the wedding planning.  Also another big reason why FMIL is so involved.  I don't know why any of them aren't going to show.  And I probably won't ask, except my friend.  We have know each other about 10 years.  And if it wasn't for some issues in her life she would be in the WP. 
I doubt my family is throwing their own shower.  I think they are just being rude!  And that's pretty normal of my family.  But I would have thought a wedding would bring them out of their funk.  I am the only girl in the family. 
Sigh....I am trying to look on the bright side...feeling so much support from FI's family when I know so many girls struggle with the in-laws. 
I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on that isn't FI because he's about as upset as I am. 
Thanks!

MairePoppy

Wow! Your fi could sure use some sensitivity training.
You are getting this info 3rd hand. Men do not always understand how these things work. It's possible that your family is planning their own event for you.
Since you know about the shower, you could talk to your mom about it and find out what it really going on. It's more important to get the info straight rather than think your family doesn't care. Just ask mom to not spill the beans if it's important to you to maintaining the surprise aspect of it.

MairePoppy

Just read your second post. Sorry about your mom. If this is how they have behaved all along, then I doubt you should expect anything different from them now. You will probably have to let it go.
It sounds like your FMIL is trying the best she can to fill in some of those gaps for you. I hope you are able to bond with your new family members and have a really lovely shower.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_shower-disappointment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f802a155-055a-4076-b7f3-019dd2675be1Post:d007adf1-8661-482d-af6f-ce4b45ab0831">Re: Shower Disappointment</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my mother passed away years ago which has been it's own struggle with the wedding planning.  Also another big reason why FMIL is so involved.  I don't know why any of them aren't going to show.  And I probably won't ask, except my friend.  We have know each other about 10 years.  And if it wasn't for some issues in her life she would be in the WP.  I doubt my family is throwing their own shower.  I think they are just being rude!  And that's pretty normal of my family.  But I would have thought a wedding would bring them out of their funk.  I am the only girl in the family.  Sigh....I am trying to look on the bright side...feeling so much support from FI's family when I know so many girls struggle with the in-laws.  I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on that isn't FI because he's about as upset as I am.  Thanks!
Posted by bf43005[/QUOTE]


Aww... I want to give you a hug!  I'm so sorry about your mom.

If being rude is just part of your family, then sadly, your wedding probably won't change that.  Your fiance may understand that and would like you to focus on the positive and not the negative. 

Go!  Have a good time!  These people are there for you and want to celebrate with you.  That, in and of itself, is a wonderful thing.

quotequeen

I think you are overreacting.  Some people don't think showers are that important, or don't enjoy them.  (I am one of those people - I don't understand the point of showers, and wouldn't expect anybody to travel several hours for one because I think they're silly.)  You don't even know when these people were told about the shower (if they had enough time to plan to attend) or what their reasons are for not attending.  Whatever the reason, it is not rude of them to not attend.  I understand being a little hurt that they aren't coming, but saying you wish you hadn't invited them to the wedding is over the top, IMO.