Why is it wrong?

erollis

So here is a stupid question. Why is it wrong for the couple getting married to throw there own engagement party? We never got one. I am not sure I am even going to have a bridal shower. I am the first of my brothers and sister to get married since I am so much older. Also fiance is an only child. My parents got married at the court house. His had an extremely short engagement and have been clueless about the entire wedding planning process and everything that seems to go along with the wedding. Both sets of parents have been great though and have been learning as they go.

FYI I will never dream of hosting my own bridal shower or bachelorette party. I do find an Engagement party a great reason to get the families together and have a good time. Again, why is it wrong for the couple getting married to throw there own engagement party?

MacFreitas7

I don't think it's wrong at all!!
I think it's a wonderful idea for you to throw your own engagement party (if no one else is throwing it for you) this way you get the families together so it's not completely awkward come the bridal shower or actual wedding~!

if you haven't asked your girls and guys to be in your wedding  - this is a perfect time to do so!

Engagement parties aren't a requirement for gifts or  anything extraordinary... i think it's a great way to say a "thank you" albeit a "PRE THANK YOU" for y our friends and family!!

ENJOY! and LOTS OF LUCK AND LOVE TO YOU!

lizstill13

It looks bad for anyone to throw a party where gifts are typically given because it makes you look gift-grabby.

If you want to get your families together, throw a party, just don't call it an e-party. Have a bbq or something and get everyone together to celebrate. Taking away the title of the party lets people come without feeling like they have to give a gift to the couple.

banana468

It's not even gifts.  It's not appropriate to throw any party in honor of yourself.

You can throw a party and say, "Now that we're engaged, it's time for you to meet!" but don't call it an engagement party.

teastarr

I'm not sure why it is wrong but my MOH told me I was not allowed to do it and she threw the party for us!  I think that you can do whatever you want, after all your the bride now!

erollis

Our families parents have met many times since we have been going out for so long. I think this would be a fantastic opertunity and excuse to get our extended families (aunts, uncles, cousins) together. We are very close to many of them but none of them have ever met. Our families only seem to take time out for big events. Otherwise you would never get all of us in the same room at once since everyone is so busy. So I guess I sould just suck it up and not have an E-party?

MairePoppy

You could still have party for the extended family to meet. Have a BBQ, brunch or cocktail party. Just don't call it an engagement party. And it's okay, if someone decides to make a toast to you and your fi.

Lazyzoey

I think BBQ is good choice, just families and close freinds get together to celebrate for you :-) I do think they will not care about to prepare gifts for you. IT'S not wrong for you throw a engagement party...I  bet all your freinds and families are very happy to hear this good news :-)

anitamaria12

It's not wrong!! Do what you want! Call it whatever the hell you want bc you will have all your friends and family who love and support you and your husband to be!!!! Have fun!!!! Best wishes to you and your FI :0)

AmandalovesAl

I don't think its wrong.  It's 2010 people! We don't need to go nuts about traditions!!! My mother is technically throwing us an E Party, but I made her the lists! It's just family so everyone can meet each other and it's a BBQ style simple thing.  I'm so excited for it!!

The only reason I can see it being weird is if you were throwing the party and put your registry list in the invites.  Other than that...what's the big deal?!

banana468

It's not wrong about  tradition.

It's wrong because it's improper etiquette.  Etiquette hasn't gone out of style although some might say that we are getting more selfish as the times change.

chanavan1

This doesn't have anything to do with the engagement portion, but your MOH should throw your bridal shower. That is supposed to be one of her main jobs.

Another thought... you could always send out invites for the engagement party but have your or his parents as "hosting" it even though you will be doing all of the work. Same for the bridal shower, so it won't feel like you are being greedy for throwing it youself.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:fdcf8a29-b402-47c2-afab-15c41919108ePost:5bf49029-04cc-412b-8cf4-bc27690580d7">Re: Why is it wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]This doesn't have anything to do with the engagement portion, but your MOH should throw your bridal shower. That is supposed to be one of her main jobs. Another thought... you could always send out invites for the engagement party but have your or his parents as "hosting" it even though you will be doing all of the work. Same for the bridal shower, so it won't feel like you are being greedy for throwing it youself.
Posted by chanavan1[/QUOTE]

It's NO ONE'S job to throw a shower.

LeahDVM2003

It's not.  If you read the etiquette books, it is perfectly acceptable to throw a party to celebrate your engagement.  Gifts are not expected, however.  This is not a shower or wedding.  The books I read suggest registering for a few things before the party, just in case someone insist on bringing a gift, but they are not obligated.  Since ours will be a long engagement, this is exactly what we did. 

sdenk6378

I just don't understand how people use the justification "you can't because you can't throw a party in honor of yourself" behind not being able to throw yourself an engagement party.  What are weddings, birthday parties, graduation parties, etc.  These are all made to honor and celebrate people, events, etc.  What the hell is the difference?  I can see the slight difference for "showers" since they are 'traditionally" used to "shower" the bride with gifts.  I am not hosting any of my own parties because I am fortunate enough to have people in my life that have already decided to throw these parties for me, but not every bride is so lucky.  If you want a party, throw it.  Goodness. 

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:fdcf8a29-b402-47c2-afab-15c41919108ePost:3e299e98-3bf1-46af-9d5b-5470f8dc006a">Re: Why is it wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't understand how people use the justification "you can't because you can't throw a party in honor of yourself" behind not being able to throw yourself an engagement party.  What are weddings, birthday parties, graduation parties, etc.  These are all made to honor and celebrate people, events, etc.  What the hell is the difference?  I can see the slight difference for "showers" since they are 'traditionally" used to "shower" the bride with gifts.  I am not hosting any of my own parties because I am fortunate enough to have people in my life that have already decided to throw these parties for me, but not every bride is so lucky.  If you want a party, throw it.  Goodness. 
Posted by sdenk6378[/QUOTE]

You're confused a bit.  Birthday parties and graduation parties ARE in honor of one person.  And that one person can't throw her own graduation party or birthday party and still be following proper etiquette because it's not appropriate to throw a party in honor of yourself.  Ever.

The same goes for pre-wedding parties.  Engagment parties, showers, and bachelorettes are in honor of the bride, groom or both and because of that, they can't host their own.  The wedding reception however is for the guests which is why a couple can host the wedding. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:fdcf8a29-b402-47c2-afab-15c41919108ePost:e0de0ddb-3411-49dd-b5d3-4cf41e24c30e">Re: Why is it wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure why it is wrong but my MOH told me I was not allowed to do it and she threw the party for us! <strong> I think that you can do whatever you want, after all your the bride now! :)</strong>
Posted by teastarr[/QUOTE]

That's terrible, terrible logic. Being <strong>a</strong> bride doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want and have everyone else just accept it.

Banana and MairePoppy said it the best way: it isn't even just about the gifts, it's the idea that the party is in your honour. It's kind of like clapping for yourself after your performance. But a meet and greet is different from an e-party, so something like that would be a nice idea. It isn't about "old fashioned traditions" there are REASONS for it which PP have given.

Now about the "not throwing a party in your honour" thing before other posters say it:
-Wedding's don't count because a reception is in honour of the GUESTS, not the bride and groom.
-Birthday parties also shouldn't be thrown by the birthday person. Same with graduation parties, bridal showers, bachelorettes, baby showers, etc. Yes, people do host ones for themselves <strong>but that is against etiquette. </strong>Again, it's like applauding yourself for a performance.

JadeW24

Erollis,

It is possible for you to throw an engagement party to celebrate this phase of your life.  Being engaged and planning a wedding is SO exciting, and I think a lot of people totally understand you wanting to celebrate that step.

Before you do though, ask a few questions...  what do you expect from the party (ie, families to meet?)?  Do you expect people to bring gifts?  And are you prepared to hear some of the discussion you see here from people you love and respect?

If you expect something different than an opportunity for a "future family" gathering (and a few friends maybe), you might want to reconsider hosting your engagement party.  Likewise (and maybe more obviously), if you are expecting any gifts, or if you are not prepared for some debate over the appropriateness of hosting your own party (as you see here in this thread), you might want to reconsider.  If you must stilly have an engagement party, you might quietly ask your MOH if she would/could host.  She may not be aware that you want one.

Personally, I've been to a TON of weddings and joined the wedding party in at least 6 weddings (lost count...)... and I'm engaged.  I've *NEVER* been to, hosted, or been honored at an engagement party, and I don't feel like anyone has lost out because of it.  There have always been plenty of other opportunities for celebration and for family meetings.  You may not be entitled to do "whatever you want" just because you are a bride, but you are entitled to examine "traditions" and determine if you want to make them a part of a sacred time between you and your husband to be .

Best of luck with your planning ~