We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!

LoverBean27

We finally booked our honeymoon hotel tonight we couldn't be more excited!!

On a completely different note! We have been playing with the idea of "black-tie optional" I know what it means and everything, but we seem to have a different definition than do his parents. My main question is... if you received an invitation that said Black-tie optional would you be less likely to attend the wedding? (or your FI/DH)

(Oh quick apology... I don't  frequent boards very often so I didn't know I accidentally defended a fake poster--or whatever you call them. So I'm sorry I thought it was weird to read so many rude responses here! Ya'll have always been so nice!!)

TexanTreasure08

I don't think you're supposed to put the dress code on your invite. The formality is supposed to come across by your invite design/wording, reception venue, time of day, etc. If anything else, have the moms spread the word around that it's formal.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:7f8aca53-b8a7-45be-8d5e-6d95fdde058a">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you're supposed to put the dress code on your invite. <strong>The formality is supposed to come across by your invite design/wording, reception venue, time of day, etc.</strong> If anything else, have the moms spread the word around that it's formal.
Posted by TexanTreasure08[/QUOTE]

This.  I have heard it is only acceptable if the reception is actually black tie NOT optional.  I also find it kind of pointless to put a dress code on the invites.  I can have a hugely formal reception, write that it is hugely formal on the invitations and that the Queen of England will be there, and my aunt will still show up in her best pair of jeans.  People who are conscious of that type of thing will dress in accordance with the tone of your invitations/venue/other stuff Angela mentioned.  People who are not will dress however they want regardless of your theme.

LoverBean27

well I have talked with my wedding planner about it and she said the only dress code u r allowed to put is black-tie optional and higher. So that is why we wanted it since everyone will be in the most formal wear.... but we didn't want "black-tie" because we didn't want our guests in tuxedos.... idk it's so confusing. lol our invitation is really formal... i just thought it'd be less hassle, but it's turning out not to be lol

TexanTreasure08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:81a201aa-f1c4-44d4-b0c7-44a2bd660026">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE]well I have talked with my wedding planner about it and she said the only dress code u r allowed to put is black-tie optional and higher. So that is why we wanted it since everyone will be in the most formal wear.... but we didn't want "black-tie" because we didn't want our guests in tuxedos.... idk it's so confusing. lol our invitation is really formal... i just thought it'd be less hassle, but it's turning out not to be lol
Posted by LoverBean27[/QUOTE]

You're wedding planner is wrong. No matter what end of the spectrum your dress code is, you do not put it on your invitation. I have read a lot in my 20 month engagement and that is definitely against etiquette.

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:59f42b1e-0940-400d-a549-d5a52fe4b9f8">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question! : This.  I have heard it is only acceptable if the reception is actually black tie NOT optional.  I also find it kind of pointless to put a dress code on the invites. <strong> I can have a hugely formal reception, write that it is hugely formal on the invitations and that the Queen of England will be there, and my aunt will still show up in her best pair of jeans.</strong>  People who are conscious of that type of thing will dress in accordance with the tone of your invitations/venue/other stuff Angela mentioned.  People who are not will dress however they want regardless of your theme.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

Amen.

MarieSD

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:81a201aa-f1c4-44d4-b0c7-44a2bd660026">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE] So that is why we wanted it since everyone will be in the most formal wear.... but we didn't want "black-tie" because we didn't want our guests in tuxedos
Posted by LoverBean27[/QUOTE]

I would not worry about this. I don't know anyone that would overdress to the extent of a ballgown or a tuxedo to attend a wedding. Even if they do ... I don't see the harm. We had the opposite (someone in jeans) and I didn't notice until someone else looking at my pictures mentioned it. And in the photo, I was hugging the guest! It just didn't register with me what anyone else was wearing.

If people do have questions about the dress code, they'll probably ask you or your parents/another relative closer to the wedding planning.  But if you put something on the invite (besides that it's not really necessary/advisable) it might actually raise more questions for people. I know I once received an invitation that said 'cocktail attire' and I couldn't figure out for the longest time what I should wear. I ended up buying a new dress that I thought fit the bill ... and wound up slightly overdressed.

ETA: To answer your question, I would still go if that was written on the invitation. But like in the story above, it would cause me self-consciousness/worry about my outfit beforehand. The uncle that wore jeans to my wedding would not attend.

KendallandAlbert

I did some digging because I found 2 articles in books I had promoting adding dress codes to invitations.

Here is what I found in favor of having them:  (Just so you have both sides of the story)

From the Knot Q&A:  Click Me

From Another Wedding Invite Etiquette site: Click Me  (This is an AU page though, so they may feel contrary to US standards)

Another Etiquette posting: Click Me (You have to dig a bit)

And another: Click me (This one says ONLY Black-Tie is listed.  Not black tie optional)

And another: Click me

I think this may be one of those non-clear cut etiquette issues.  You know your family and guests. If you want black tie and know they probably won't unless it's mentioned go for it.  It doesn't mean they will adhere to it, but at least you tried. I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer to this either way. Angela's invitations were formal enough that people will show up in dressy attire without needing to say it. If you feel yours are the same way, leave it off. If you're uncertain, add it but do so tastefully.

LoverBean27

ok thank you all

I also just want to say that my wedding planner has been in the business for a long time, so she would not guide me in the wrong direction because she never wants anything according to etiquette to poorly reflect on her. she is very against it. I appreciate your opinion, but I have been engaged just as long and read a lot too. my question was more of if you would not want to attend because of formality.

KendallandAlbert

As for if I would or wouldn't come because of the formality - Again, you know your group.  I know if my Uncle Robert saw "Black Tie" on an invitation, he would decline simply because he isn't comfortable in those situations.   You need to think about your group of guests and whether or not a black tie status will make them uncomfortable enough to miss the big day.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:b23a6c8c-206a-4c0e-bfca-04ba63f23dc0">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE]As for if I would or wouldn't come because of the formality -<strong> Again, you know your group.  I know if my Uncle Robert saw "Black Tie" on an invitation, he would decline simply because he isn't comfortable in those situations.</strong>   You need to think about your group of guests and whether or not a black tie status will make them uncomfortable enough to miss the big day.
Posted by KendallandAlbert[/QUOTE]

This.  And if your guests are not the type to enjoy a super formal affair, why would you step it up to that level?

Here's the deal, OP, unless you found a really stupid invitation designer, your invites will not cost extra to put "Black Tie Optional" on the card.  I am opposed to assigning a dress code to my reception, but that's why it's mine and not yours.  Would I attend if I got an invite with a dress code? Well, sure, if I could, and I'd have a darn good time.

Question answered.

LoverBean27

Thank you

TexanTreasure08

Oh Kendall.

KendallandAlbert

O.o ps: where are our pretty pics from invite night?

TexanTreasure08

I don't have any. And I haven't finished the rest of it yet...

bobbileighb

OP regarding your questio, I would likely not attend unless I was attending with a friend.  DH does not own a suit and certainly wouldnt rent one for a wedding unless he was in the wedding and I would not attend without him unless I had a lot of friends going as well.

LoverBean27

Thanks bobbyleigh! I think I'll just leave it off! I've been looking at a lot of photographers and people in Dallas don't seem to dress as bad as where I am from! So maybe ill just bank on the chance theyll ask someone Most of our guest list is from his side ,which is all dallas... so I think I'm going to save myself the stress! I definitely don't want offend any invited guests.

KendallandAlbert

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:41227ee5-f5a1-4738-8f0c-9cbcee28881e">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks bobbyleigh! I think I'll just leave it off! I've been looking at a lot of photographers and <strong>people in Dallas don't seem to dress as bad as where I am from!</strong> So maybe ill just bank on the chance theyll ask someone :) Most of our guest list is from his side ,which is all dallas... so I think I'm going to save myself the stress! :) I definitely don't want offend any invited guests.
Posted by LoverBean27[/QUOTE]

Where are you from out of curiousity?

LoverBean27

I'm from the Tyler area. (I've lived in Dallas awhile now, but all the weddings I've been to are back in my hometown and just have really freaked me out how casual some people treat weddings. I was really just afraid of everyone showing up in jeans and Tshirt! Haha or white dresses cos I definitely saw that a few times)

KendallandAlbert

Ah, little town wedding syndrome.  Yes, I know it well. (went to school in Nacog-nowhere-doches.)  Go ahead with your plan though.  Even if Uncle Bob shows up in jeans and a cut off shirt, at least he is there to celebrate with you.  That is what really matters.

LoverBean27

Aw yes! Lol and thank you that is very true!!

NathanandJordan

I lived in Tyler for a while and I don't think the people there dress badly.  I know I didn't!  It's in the middle of the Bible belt and people dress very conservatively.

LoverBean27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_booked-honeymoon-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:a868be23-741d-4b78-a82c-c489bdae15d3Post:fde08733-1926-4825-8573-88ef2df01890">Re: We booked our HONEYMOON :) and I have a question!</a>:
[QUOTE]I lived in Tyler for a while and I don't think the people there dress badly.  I know I didn't!  It's in the middle of the Bible belt and people dress very conservatively.
Posted by NathanandJordan[/QUOTE]

Yea I lived there for 17 years, tyler doesnt.... but we are inviting people from Arp. lol it's more redneck there. The people from tyler just wore white dresses to the weddings I attended recently. That is why I said Tyler area, i was talking more about the people in the surrounding "country" there :)

mandaverdana

We slipped a piece of paper into the invitation envelope that directed guests to our wedding website if they had any questions. The website has informaion on dress, things to do in the area, etc. This could be an alternative to putting it directly on the invitation. Plus it cuts down on all the extras in the envelope. Some family members have told us that they appreciated the information on the "dress code." We are having a small wedding (50), mostly family, so they are all concerned about dressing appropriately.