would this annoy you?

butterflyjumper1

maybe i am just overly sensitive....maybe not....but i wondered what your thoughts were on this siutation, and whether something similar had happened to any of you.
as many of you know, we just sent our save the dates out about a week and a half ago - so excited to get them out! we were thrilled when people started calling us and telling us how excited we were.

well, one of my fiance's good friends from his residency texted him and merely said "what time does your wedding start?" he responded with an explanation, and she wrote back and said "oh. we have kenny chesney tickets." he wrote her back a really nice text saying it was fine; she didnt even respond. 

i knew there would be conflicts! there are always going to be some conflicts with people. i just found it entirely unnecessary for her to text him in such an abrupt manner to tell us she already had plans to go to a concert on our wedding day.  it would have been 100% fine if she just said she already had a prior commitment, or included a note with her regrest RSVP or something.  

what do you guys think? what is the proper thing for a guest to do in this sort of situation?

and also, should we still send invitations to guests like her who said they can't come based on the save the date?

syddy88

I am still sending invites to people even though they can't come. Most people who have told me they have prior obligations have requested to still receive an invite. I wouldn't worry about her texting you, some people just like to plan ahead. I was asked what time rehersal dinner was when I sent the save the dates out at Christmas, we haven' even planned that yet. She was probably just trying to figure out if she could swing going to both or not.

LADY324

yes I would still send her an invite because plans always change.  She probably should have just waited until she saw your FI and maybe she could of said hey I am so sorry we got your STD and we can't make it to the wedding we bought concert tickets and I really love Kenney Chesney.  Or if she really wanted to go she would sell her tickets.  But to answer your question no I would have not sent your FI a text saying that.  Some people are just rude and tacky!

bridetobe71412

I find that kind of rude, honestly. And yes, I would be annoyed. I'm sure it was a case of "Things come across poorly via text" but still. I'd be annoyed by that type of response. That's not the proper way to handle invitations to formal events.

I do think you still need to send the formal invitation, though. I know it sounds stupid, but I think the general etiquette is that you're supposed to send an invitation to all people that receive STDs because things change, concerts/plans change, etc. and you never know, maybe they will decide they want to join after all? I've already received some "No" replies from elderly family members and one friend who has two small kids, but I'm still sending them invitations.  

ceglare4

I haven't had anyone tell me that they can't come (unless they initially couldn't but now can) but if someone does, I will definitely still send them an invitation, not only because I think it's common courtesy, but also because their plans might change at the last minute.

As for the text, I do think that the way she went about it is a little rude. I get asking you for details in the event that they did have a prior committment, but she could've been a little nicer about it, and at least expressed her apologies that she couldn't come. I had a girlfriend that initially didn't think she could come (and now can - see plans change haha), and she felt so bad. I would think most people should have some sort of reaction similar to that.

penny12986

We have had many guests email and ask what time the wedding is.  I am guessing that it has to do with them making hotel arrangements and coordinating travel times.  It's out of place for her to be inferring that her concert tickets trump wedding plans but hey, that's some people and it if it wasn't a concert, it would have been some other event causing her to have diarrhea of the mouth. 

I do love me some Kenny though...

Madisonpenny

I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. 
I would still send her an invitation though. Who knows Kenny Chesney might need to cancel his tour for whatever reason in the next few months and she came come

mekiakoo

I'd be annoyed. People annoy me all the time! The minute a friend got our STD, she texted me and asked me "is my boyfriend invited?". HUH!! They just started dating and I told her that of course she has the option of bringing a date and I told her that the actual invites do not go out until May. She was like "oh yeah okay". I was just annoyed by the way she acknowledged that she got the STD.

I would still send invites to people even after they've said they wouldn't be able to make it. You never know, sometimes plans change!

Carla1019

 The concert could be cancelled if the performer is sick, I would still send her an invitation. Also I wouldn't be offended by her text. If she is like me I try my best to make everything. So I would have probably tried to attend your ceremony and let you know that I couldn't make the recpetion due to having concert tickets.

Texts come across rude sometimes but maybe she didn't mean to be.

mejai1

I'd be annoyed. Does she really need to tell you months in advance that tickets to a concert trump your wedding? If she's a really good friend of his, wouldn't his wedding (which should only happen once, right?) be more important than a concert (I'm sure Kenny will come around again or if she's a really big fan, she can see him in another city).  Seems a little strange to me. But then again, she might have meant, "oh man, I have Kenny Chesney tickets! We'll have to figure something out," but over a text that was too much to convey...

owengirl996

I think I'd have to know her...some people are just oblivious and I'm not sure I'd be upset unless I was sure she was trying to be rude. I think I'd let it slide...at least you know she really does have plans and isn't making a lame excuse not to go? lol I don't know, but I'm sorry it doesn't sit well with you I get annoyed by little things as well, this just happens to be one I think I'd let slide.

I've gotten nothing but praise over our STDs. Only one person has said she can't make it because they have a family wedding in CT (our wedding is in IN)...TBH, we didn't expect them to be able to make it, but extended the invite to everyone. She's a friend of FI's (mostly, I know her too though) from work. We're only expecting a few of his family members to make the trip, so I'm not going to be surprised when the people out here decline. That's why we're having a second reception out here, too. We did get a very nice engagement card from some cousin in FI's family...I thought that was SO sweet! I've never even met them.

Personally, if I couldn't make it to a wedding, unless I was really close to either the bride or groom (in which case, I would probably re-arrange whatever was going on), I'd just wait to decline with the RSVP. Like a PP said, plans change...you rarely know for sure what you'll be doing in 6 months.

michelle11988

I am still sending invites to people who may not make it.  Two of FI's cousins are having babies this spring so one is probably going to be able to come since she is local but the other doubts it but of course we will send them an invite things might change or they may just need a weekend away!  Lots of things can change between now and our weddings so don't sweat it.

BmoreBride311

Yeah, if you send someone a STD, you need to send them an invitation. As others have noted, her plans could change or she may very well decide to sell her concert tickets so she can attend the wedding.

FWIW, I would have been peeved, too, but only for about a day and then I'd move on. I'm sure you have more important things to think about than a tacky text.

butterflyjumper1

thanks for the feedback ladies glad i wasn't the only one who found it rude. it is definitely possible that she just meant "oh, i have tickets already, i need to figure out this situation so i can make it to your wedding!" i guess we will just have to see!! i am ordering plenty of extra invitations - actually i think we are doing about 10 to 15 extra sets - for purposes of scrapbooks for ourselves and our parents and so the photographers can have a few to photograph, so we will be fine with that

janeneo

I'd just be happy to know I could invite someone else. My family is so big that I can't invite too many friends, but if I knew in advance someone definitely couldn't come I could use that spot for someone else. That being said, I certainly would solicit responses before they are due.