What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!

kristan1022

Ok ladies, I've got a small bit of drama in my life currently and I need some opinions. This post is very long and has a lot of backstory because I want to clarify things as much as possible to get y'alls honest opinions.

As I may have mentioned previously, things between myself and FI's best man have been rocky for quite a while. We've always had a very strained relationship, with him always being very rude toward me whenever FI is not around and me (being myself) being snarky right back. I thought maybe it was jealousy issues becauuse he was alone or whatever, because as far as I know (and I've asked him several times) I've never done anything outright to make him dislike me so much.

In mid-June, about a month after FI and I got engaged, Best Man comes over to FI's house where I was visiting for the weekend. It was 2:30am, we were already in bed, and Best Man was fairly drunk. He asks FI to wait downstairs, then proceeds to come upstairs and lay down in the bed next to me and try to have a conversation. Aside from the total weirdness of rolling over to see NOT FI in bed next to me, the conversation basically went like this: 

Him: "So yeah, you know how we're always really mean to each other?"

Me: "Yeah..."

Him: "And everyone always says it seems like I hate you?"

Me: "Uh huh..."

Him: "Well that's because I do. I hate you and I don't understand why J is with you. I never understood why he stayed with you so long and I always thought he could do better than you."

Me: stunned silence.

He then proceeded to ramble on about some other crap for like 20 minutes, and then he left, at which point FI came back upstairs, I gave him a quick rundown of the convo, and then cried myself to sleep. 

Things after that were really awkward, because he never openly acknowledged the conversation to me, yet he texted FI to apologize for it! And when FI told him he needed to apologize to me, he said he would, but never has.

Fast forward to mid-December, I'm in town for FI's childhood neighbor's wedding. FI is out drinking with the groom, and I'm at Best Man's house playing cards with him, his roommate, and one of my bridesmaids (FI's cousin). We're snarking back and forth about some topic of conversation or another (education (I'd just graduated with my Masters that afternoon) and money (how he is rich because of his dad- this is a fact, not just my opinion). And all of a sudden he goes, "Well you know what I think? I think you're a fat b*tch." Cue the awkward silence.

I went to pick up FI from the bar because he was a bit tipsy and didn't want to drive, told him the story, and all the while Best Man is texting him saying "Oh man I just really screwed up, I shouldn't have said that I'm sorry." Again, never apologizing to me, even when FI told him apologizing to him wasn't going to fix anything.

So at our Engaged Encounter weekend (mid-January) I told FI I would try to work things out with Best Man because they have been friends since elementary school, and I know he's tired of all the awkwardness. I text Best Man on Friday night to set up a meeting for Sunday, he says ok. Saturday night he texts and says "I really don't think we need to talk things out, I shouldn't have said what I did but let's just move on." I told him FI was tired of it affecting things (the upcoming FAMILY cruise that this d-bag somehow wormed his way into, wedding planning) and Best Man said he didn't think it was affecting things, that the relationship between me and him might not be great but that's because I'm a whore (paraphrasing here, because that is a WHOLE other story that took place over 2-3 days 2 and a half YEARS ago). I called him a pretentious bastard, and he said he was looking forward to our wedding. I promised him I would do everything in my power to make sure he wasn't in the wedding, or even AT it. He said he would continue to support Jeremy.

SO. The question: Am I in the wrong here? I'm finally typing this NOVEL to ask for opinions because FI, Best Man, Bridesmaid/FI's cousin, and I are all supposed to have dinner tomorrow night to figure out travel logistics for the cruise we're going on in 2 weeks (we're all riding down together and he is supposed to drive). Even if he apologizes at this point I probably still wouldn't forgive him (knowing his true feelings), but I would at least be civil toward him.

Keep in mind, he's never said anything mean to me in front of FI, but he always apologizes to him after the fact without ever actually telling FI what he said- I always have to fill him in.

fallbride1109

If Ben's Best Man treated me like that, spoke to me like that, in Ben's presence or outside of it, and Ben tolerated that behavior and continued to be friends with him, it wouldn't be me and Best Man that had the problem.  It would be me and Ben.

That being said, I really don't know what to tell you except try and make the best of it.  It doesn't look like Best Man is going anywhere.  But you don't have to be friends with him just because your FI is.  I would keep my contact with him to the bare minimum.

juliebug1997

I'm going to ditto Stephanie here.  I take what Bill's mom shovels my way because I know that, unless it just gets really bad, I should just suck it up and get over it.  However, we're talking about a friend here.  I know you said that they've been friends for a long time, but that shouldn't give this guy the right to talk to you that way.  Also, if he's saying this stuff to your face (for the most part), what is he saying about you behind your back?  What has he said to your FI about you? 

kristan1022

Stephie and Julie- Thank you for your feedback. My main goal since all this started has been to avoid him as much possible, but 4 hours in a car and then a week on a boat (where he will be FI's roommate) are going to make that very difficult.

Stephie I've told FI on numerous occassions that I am hurt that he won't stand up to Best Man about this, but it has made no difference. However, FI is a people pleaser and refuses to rock the boat unless it is absolutely necessary. He has told Best Man that if it comes down to choosing, he will obviously pick me, but the fact that he hasn't done anything about this yet makes me wonder.

Julie, God only knows what he is saying about me behind my back. He hasn't talked to FI at all since the text messages, except when they ran into each other at a basketball game and he asked if he was still in the wedding. FI just sort of shrugged. I feel like Best Man thinks this is all a big joke. And as much as I wish FI would take a stand on this, pushing it more than I already have would just create problems between FI and I, which is obviously exactly what Best Man wants. He isn't worth that kind of drama.

professorscience

On the one hand, since you will be stuck in a car with him for four hours, you could force him to hash this all out with you.  It's certainly not the best place to do it, but I can't imagine being in a tight space with a person I dislike and not having some kind of tension bubble up.

cwaggoner07

I agree that it is somewhat up to your FI to alleviate all of this. The most important thing is to make sure that things are cool and settled before the wedding day.... and this cruise sounds like the perfect opportunity to prove to each other that you can merely tolerate each other. Maybe at least your FI can talk to him and say something like, 'You don't have to like her, you don't have to respect her, but just respect me and let my wedding be great.' I think that is the very least y'all can ask of him.

My high school boyfriend had friends who HATED me and it was honestly just the worst thing ever. People talk about being bullied by girls... but I got along with every girl in my HS, it was these guys that made my life hell.

fallbride1109

He's not going to say anything to you in the car -- he's a coward.  I think he has made that clear.  And if he DOES say anything to you in front of your FI (which I highly doubt), you can let your FI respond accordingly.

Look, I am not saying your FI has to end his relationship with him, but you don't have to bend over backwards to make nice either.  That's all over.  Any guy that called me a fat anything would be getting the verbal equivalent of a knuckle sandwich.

kristan1022

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:3269a943-3094-4c74-86b1-ff48ebf54f77">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]He's not going to say anything to you in the car --<strong> he's a coward.  I think he has made that clear</strong>.  And if he DOES say anything to you in front of your FI (which I highly doubt), you can let your FI respond accordingly. Look, I am not saying your FI has to end his relationship with him, but you don't have to bend over backwards to make nice either.  <strong>That's all over.  Any guy that called me a fat anything would be getting the verbal equivalent of a knuckle sandwich</strong>.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

This is so true!  <div>
</div><div>Stephie- to hear you, the sweetest person I've ever seen on this board say that makes me feel validated. I fully plan on unleashing my fury toward him tomorrow night at dinner- which should probably be at someone's house rather than out in public because I'm sure he won't say a thing if there are other people around. </div>

winechic25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:344e70e9-c596-4f3c-99f8-e8f88d64ea63">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]If Ben's Best Man treated me like that, spoke to me like that, in Ben's presence or outside of it, and Ben tolerated that behavior and continued to be friends with him, it wouldn't be me and Best Man that had the problem.  It would be me and Ben. That being said, I really don't know what to tell you except try and make the best of it.  It doesn't look like Best Man is going anywhere.  But you don't have to be friends with him just because your FI is.  I would keep my contact with him to the bare minimum.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]



THIS, to a tee.
Kristan, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. This sucks!!

juliebug1997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:75c536b2-2434-4144-b433-5499ab182f90">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that it is somewhat up to your FI to alleviate all of this. The most important thing is to make sure that things are cool and settled before the wedding day.... and this cruise sounds like the perfect opportunity to prove to each other that you can merely tolerate each other. Maybe at least your FI can talk to him and say something like, <strong>'You don't have to like her, you don't have to respect her</strong>, but just respect me and let my wedding be great.' I think that is the very least y'all can ask of him. My high school boyfriend had friends who HATED me and it was honestly just the worst thing ever. People talk about being bullied by girls... but I got along with every girl in my HS, it was these guys that made my life hell.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

I disagree.  You don't have to like someone but you can still be respectful and cordial. 

cwaggoner07

I know, but I think, like Stephie said, he's a coward, and this gives him an out and asking the BARE MINIMUM of peace at the wedding, since it seems that's all he may be capable of.
Nothing bad toward you Kristan I just think he may be past the point of being an adult who can manage his feelings.

fallbride1109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:1238f5ca-4b8d-49ce-8df7-14af8314b91d">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed! : This is so true!   Stephie- to hear you, the sweetest person I've ever seen on this board say that makes me feel validated. <strong>I fully plan on unleashing my fury toward him tomorrow night at dinner</strong>- which should probably be at someone's house rather than out in public because I'm sure he won't say a thing if there are other people around. 
Posted by kristan1022[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't say a word to him.  I would be cordial, if he speaks to you nicely, speak back, using as few words as possible.  And if he is rude, tell him you are done with the verbal sparring and he can find someone else on the playground to kick dirt in their face.  You will not tolerate his abuse any longer.  And also let your FI know (in private) that if he will not stand up for you, you are prepared to do it yourself.

cwaggoner07

I agree with Stephie... whatever you have to say (or not say) in order to keep the peace is what you should do. I think having a good time at your wedding trumps trying to reason with him and risking another blow up.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:3269a943-3094-4c74-86b1-ff48ebf54f77">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]He's not going to say anything to you in the car -- he's a coward.  I think he has made that clear.  And if he DOES say anything to you in front of your FI (which I highly doubt), you can let your FI respond accordingly. Look, I am not saying your FI has to end his relationship with him, but you don't have to bend over backwards to make nice either.  That's all over.  <strong>Any guy that called me a fat anything would be getting the verbal equivalent of a knuckle sandwich.</strong>
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]
I cannot even visualize this from you. :)
<div>
</div><div>Kristan-I wouldn't freak on him. Just make the plans and then be on your way. Now, if he starts something...that's different. </div><div>
</div><div>That being said I don't really think you'll spend as much time as you think with him. When we went on our cruise with FI's parents we had dinner with them and did our excersions but a lot of the time it was just the two of us. 
Plus there's going to be a lot of people...you could always just "lose" him throughout the day.</div>

juliebug1997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:9c2a6782-794a-46a0-ad81-9f3d9f4aa9a3">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know, but I think, like Stephie said, he's a coward, and this gives him an out and asking the BARE MINIMUM of peace at the wedding, since it seems that's all he may be capable of. Nothing bad toward you Kristan :) I just think he may be past the point of being an adult who can manage his feelings.
Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

If this is the case, then he should back out.  Adults know that backing out sometimes is the best thing for all the parties involved.  He hasn't done this.  It proves he's not an adult.  However, even my students know that they have to be cordial to the people they don't like.  If a 13 year old can do it, then an adult should be able to handle it no problem. 

kristan1022

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:4d947cc3-a9d1-4685-a108-acfcbe327159">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed! : I cannot even visualize this from you. :) Kristan-I wouldn't freak on him. <strong>Just make the plans and then be on your way. Now, if he starts something...that's different</strong>.  That being said <strong>I don't really think you'll spend as much time as you think with him</strong>. When we went on our cruise with FI's parents we had dinner with them and did our excersions but a lot of the time it was just the two of us.  Plus there's going to be a lot of people...you could always just "lose" him throughout the day.
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

<div>I understand where all of y'all are coming from with this, but I've been sitting back and taking his crap for months now, only standing up for myself this last time because I was beyond outraged that he would even say that to me. I think he needs to hear how I feel about this FROM ME (not our friends or FI's family) with FI sitting right there. He won't start anything with FI there, he never has, but I'm tired of him acting one way toward me when FI is there and different way when he isn't. And honestly, it's all going to come out one way or the other, and I'd rather it be this weekend than on the cruise.</div><div>
</div><div>He's FI's roommate, which means unfortunately I will see him at least twice a day because, guess what else? We're all eating dinner together. EVERY. DAMN. NIGHT. I plan on "losing" him as much as possible, I've actually told FI that I refuse to spend any time with him that is not absolutely mandatory.</div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:a5897abf-369f-4dfe-b5bf-912fd3311dd4">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed! : I understand where all of y'all are coming from with this, but I've been sitting back and taking his crap for months now, only standing up for myself this last time because I was beyond outraged that he would even say that to me. I think he needs to hear how I feel about this FROM ME (not our friends or FI's family) with FI sitting right there. He won't start anything with FI there, he never has, but I'm tired of him acting one way toward me when FI is there and different way when he isn't. And honestly<strong>, it's all going to come out one way or the other, and I'd rather it be this weekend </strong>than on the cruise.<strong> He's FI's roommate</strong>, which means unfortunately I will see him at least twice a day because, guess what else? We're all eating dinner together. EVERY. DAMN. NIGHT. I plan on "losing" him as much as possible, I've actually told FI that I refuse to spend any time with him that is not absolutely mandatory.
Posted by kristan1022[/QUOTE]
While the decision is ultamately yours just remember that if you come at him guns blazing it's going to make the whole thing (Dinner and cruise) super awkward for those involved. 
<div>
</div><div>Ouch. What cruise line are ya'll going on? 
We went on norweigen and we they did freestyle dining (eat where you want, when you want). So we would have dinner with FILs but most of the time we didn't do breakfast together. It just depended on the day. 

Make sure you let FI know that you want some time (each day maybe?) for it just to be the 2 of you.</div>

littleshrink

I`ve heard of these relationships, but could never really imagine how they get to this point.  This "friend" sounds like the biggest child a person could imagine.  I think Stephanie made the best points for you.  I absolutely agree that this needs to get out in the open, sooner than later and this weekend is as good as any other.  If you fiancee isn't going to stand up against him (which shouldn't be a question, but that is between you and your FI) then you have every right to do it yourself.  He is simply a being a bully.  Plain and simple.  Some people spend their lives putting down others for a sense of control or power over something that is completely out of their control.  I doubt very much that you did anything to him, with the exception that you came into your fiance's life.  You can't avoid these people in your life because he is apparently a big figure in your FI's life.  So do something about it.  Let him know he is completely out of line and being disrespectful to you and your relationship with your FI.  You will not tolerate him talking to you like he has in the past and it will not happen anymore.  If he can handle you being in his life, great.  If not, than he needs to step out and re-evaluate the situation.  All this is going to do is keep festering until all 3 of you can't take it anymore and something worse happens. 

MarieSD

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do and wanting to talk some sense into him, but I do not think it's going to do any good. He does not like you and nothing you do or say is going to change that. (Most likely, he thinks something about you that isn't true, or you just rub him the wrong way, or he is jealous deep down -- you're never going to figure out the root cause of this, so don't bother. It's not worth it.)

Now, he cannot be rude to you. That's just not acceptable. For this trip -- I would just never be with that guy when your FI isn't around. If it means FI steps out to go to the bathroom -- you also take a break to go get some air or whatever. Don't give him a chance to say anything to you without your FI around. You already know he's a jerk and says awful things if given the chance.

My H isn't the boat-rocking type either and has trouble with confrontation, so I do understand that part ... but still, if any of this had happened to me, I'd be refusing any contact with this friend of his. I don't say anything about who my H can/can't be friends with -- but I'd never associate with someone who had insulted me to my face and I don't think my H would ever expect me to. If he wants to do guy's night with the guy -- great, he can go ahead with my blessing. But there would be no couple trips or double dates.

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:3269a943-3094-4c74-86b1-ff48ebf54f77">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]He's not going to say anything to you in the car -- he's a coward.  I think he has made that clear.  And if he DOES say anything to you in front of your FI (which I highly doubt), you can let your FI respond accordingly. Look, I am not saying your FI has to end his relationship with him, but you don't have to bend over backwards to make nice either.  That's all over.  Any guy that called me a fat anything would be getting the verbal equivalent of a knuckle sandwich.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

Stephanie, everything you said in all of your responses is EXACTLY what I would have said... except you just said it better. :)

In addition, while I understand that your FI is a people-pleaser (I am too), I still think its completely unacceptable for him to not doing anything about this situation.  I don't understand how someone who loves "you" (general "you" and not you specifically) can allow someone be so friggin' disrespectful.  If FI's friend was saying that kind of stuff to me, whether FI was around to hear it first-hand or not, he would be having a conversation with said friend.  And if it happened again, I'm pretty sure the friend would be out of the picture.

I agree with Stephanie though that while your FI probably won't stop being friends with him, it doesn't mean that you have to bend over backwards to ease the tension when he doesn't even make any sort of attempt to meet you halfway. I dunno, if FI allowed someone to talk like that to me on multiple occasions, to me it would feel like FI was being just as disrespectul and demeaning as the friend simply for allowing it to happen and staying silent about it.

I am so sorry that this person said those things to you.  I hope that you don't dwell on them and know that they aren't true.

brandonmelissa12

I've been in a similar situation to this.  Some of my FI's friends aren't big fans of me.  (I tend to have a big mouth, and don't think before I speak).  What I've tried to do in my situation is just be civil, and I think that may work for you too.  What he said to you was awful and uncalled for, but since they have been friends for so long, I wouldn't want to try to get him out of the wedding, because then Jeremy could end up resenting you.  I would say just try to stay on your best behavior, suck it up, and deal with it after the cruise/wedding.

ktwed1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:935ffc99-7b8c-4b6f-9b83-fb0b94893772">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed! : I wouldn't say a word to him.  I would be cordial, if he speaks to you nicely, speak back, using as few words as possible.  And if he is rude, tell him you are done with the verbal sparring and he can find someone else on the playground to kick dirt in their face.  You will not tolerate his abuse any longer.  And also let your FI know (in private) that if he will not stand up for you, you are prepared to do it yourself.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

I agree don't even give him the time of day to even speak to him. It's not worth it. He's abviously not only a coward but a mere child with his bullying behavior. If you're FI won't stand up for you do it yourself and let him know you will not tolerate it anymore and bring headphones and block him out. I think if I were in your shoes I would have drilled him in the face by now. You've been alot more patient than I would be.
Hope this all works out for you, sucks you have to deal with this.

caitlintaylor07

I have been in this EXACT situation, but in my case the best man was my soon-to-be-BIL. It is very frustrating and I think your FI needs to stick up for you better! Tell him to do something about this, or it's going to get very uncomfortable for everyone involved when you get so angry at dinner/in the car that you let your emotions get the best of you and go off on him.

Adryan08

I am in a similar situation as Caitlin with my soon to be BIL, and my FI would let the little things he said slide until I confronted both of them in each other's presence. No on has a right to treat you or talk to you like that and I wholeheartedly agree that your FI should put his foot down with his friend.

IMO he should either respect you or not speak to you. But you should talk to your FI about the issue before it becomes a bigger problem.

jenbob2012

I'm just now reading this but I have to throw in my two cents!  This guy is a certifiable A-HOLE, the things that he has said to you, to your face are absolutely dispicable and disrespectful.  I would be absolutely livid with this guy being the best man in my wedding!  A wedding should involve people that support the union of you and your FI and want to grow with you in your new life.  This guy obviously wants to be no part of that.  They may have been good friends in the past, but he has ruined that.  Its HIS fault, not yours, not your fiance's.  He made his bed as far as I am concerned.  I would put my foot down with the fiance and say that this kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.  He is your FI's friend so he kind of needs to deal with it (not you).  My fiance is also an appeaser and would have a hard time with this but I would probably put my foot down and have this guy removed from my wedding.  He can come as a guest, he can even go to the cruise, but he has no business being in your wedding.  And if the guy thinks that this kind of behavior will be tolerated it will only get worse from here.  This is a problem that you SHOULD NOT be dealing with right now.  He can go take his negativity elsewhere.  I can't emphasize enough- this is the FRIENDS problem, not yours, not the fiance's, it was HIS decision to act that way.  If he really felt remorse he would've apologized.

jenbob2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_what-would-you-do-very-long-post-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:ad96ce66-b44d-4392-b2a4-8b1de92dde2cPost:162f954f-8872-43a7-86fe-626ea4283382">Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What would you do?? VERY long post- Opinions needed! : I disagree.  You don't have to like someone but you can still be respectful and cordial. 
Posted by juliebug1997[/QUOTE]

<div>Respect is what is required at a** MINIMUM**!!  He should respect that your fiance is in love with you and wants to marry you!  If he loves his friend, then he will respect his choices.</div>