WR: Drinks

angelsong21

Coming out of lurkdom for a question I preferred to ask here than an international board.

If a couple had a very solid reason not to have alcohol at the wedding (addiction issues), would you pass on the reception?  I can't remember how many times I've read on international boards that they wouldn't go to a reception that was dry, and that's always blown my mind.  Just wondering if that viewpoint is held around these parts as well.

cwaggoner07

I'll be honest with you... I attended one of these weddings in September, and we knew beforehand there would be no alcohol. Also, I can only speak for my immediate family plus FI and my brother's wife. We went to a bar beforehand and had a drink, and then went to the ceremony. We then went to the reception, watched the first dance, and ate (just heavy apps), watched the cake cutting, used the photo booth... and then we left. Total we were at the reception about an hour.
I think a lot of people ended up leaving soon after us. The dance floor was pretty empty, and we may have stayed if we KNEW more people. This was the son of one of my dad's Marine buddies so while I knew him, we weren't really in their circle of friends per se.
You are probably going to lose a lot of people that aren't in your immediate circle (perfect example: family friends of the parents) soon after all the formalities.

BUT I don't think that means you can't have a fun reception, so I don't want to be a buzzkill, and I totally don't EVER think you should be expected to serve alcohol JUST because it's a wedding.
Also, I went to a Sunday night wedding once, and it was the same type of thing. Even with alcohol, people didn't really cut loose, and then left early.

professorscience

I have been to my share of weddings where alcohol isn't served (yay Baylor!).  I've never noticed a problem with getting people on the dance floor.  The funniest thing about one dry wedding I went to, is they still wanted to do a toast, so they passed around sparkling cider.  No one at our table (a bunch of people we didn't know) would take a glass, because they thought it was champagne, until H and I took some and confirmed that it was nonalcoholic.  I found it weird because I had attended tons of happy hours with the bride and groom, but people still had an amazing time.

I disagree with the position on the international boards that dry receptions just totally suck.  They are definitely a little more lowkey, but let's be honest -- I don't think anyone (well, one girl who kept trying to come into the bathroom stall with me at my reception) got hammered at my wedding, and the dance floor was packed.  It has a lot to do with the people you invite.  My husband needs a little liquid courage or a room full of people he knows to get him out on the dance floor.  I do not.

Edit: I would also prefer a dry reception one hundred percent over a cash bar.

cwaggoner07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_wr-drinks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:b34a186d-9594-4391-813a-a81312eafb9cPost:ef3f58a2-3d91-4aa2-a9d1-07c6ce6aad7d">Re: WR: Drinks</a>:
 [QUOTE]Edit: I would also prefer a dry reception one hundred percent over a cash bar.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

Absolutely.

fallbride1109

I would never pass on a reception that I was invited to just because alcohol was not going to be served.  That is absurd.  And it's your wedding and your choice whether to serve it or not, regardless of the reason. 
. 

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_wr-drinks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:b34a186d-9594-4391-813a-a81312eafb9cPost:ef3f58a2-3d91-4aa2-a9d1-07c6ce6aad7d">Re: WR: Drinks</a>:
[QUOTE]Edit: I would also prefer a dry reception one hundred percent over a cash bar.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

No worries - a cash bar is absolutely <u><strong>not</strong></u> in consideration.  We have the money to host and would only provide alcohol if it was 100% hosted.  Ordinarily I wouldn't decide to not serve alcohol because someone in attendance had issues with it.  I would have to trust that they'd act like an adult at my reception and let it go or that, if they felt they couldn't handle it, they could leave after the ceremony or dinner service.  However, this is FI, and if we still end up getting married a little over 2 months from now and not postponing, he will be very fresh in the the whole recovery thing.  I would feel almost cruel to have a lot of alcohol floating around at our wedding, at a time he would really want to celebrate with it, and then have it in his head all night that he has to fight against it.

At the same time though, I really wish our guests could drink and enjoy themselves.  I know dance floors aren't the same when booze isn't around.  I just wondered if people would simply not go because they thought it would suck without alcohol.

professorscience

Yeah, I knew your situation wasn't one of finance, so that wasn't really directed at you. 

professorscience

Plus, your wedding day needs to be stress-free for both you and H.  You worrying about whether or not he's going to abuse or him stressing because people who either don't know or don't care are trying to get him to imbibe is just not something you should have to deal with.

caitlintaylor07

My extended family is very religious, and we've had lots of weddings held at churches so no alcohol is nothing new to me. It makes me really sad to think people would snub their nose at couples that don't have alcohol- for ANY reason.

crash2729

I don't think it's a big deal. 
I've been at weddings where there was alchohol served (cash bar anyway) and the dance floor was pretty empty. 

I wouldn't think to even ask before the wedding if there was alcohol served.

sparklingdiamond

I've been to weddings with a cash bar and those without alcohol and neither one would stop me from going. I go for the people getting married, not for the alcohol. And I would rather have a cash bar than nothing!  But I'm definitely fine without a dry reception.

juliebug1997

I know this doesn't pertain to your situation, Amy, but I would much rather have no alcohol than a cash bar since I hardly ever have cash with me. 

Amy,
I think that those in the know would be fine with you guys not having alcohol and, if there are people who won't come to your wedding simply because you don't have alcohol then they are people you really don't want at your wedding.

MarieSD

If it was someone that was really important to me, I would attend their wedding, regardless of what they were serving (food OR beverage-wise) at their reception. No matter what.

Nowadays, I'll be honest ... if I'm going out for a party-like atmosphere (dancing, etc), I really like to have a drink. At a Saturday night reception, I'd actually probably assume there would be some kind of alcohol unless you passed word around otherwise.

What does your FI say, though? Maybe, when it gets closer, you guys can discuss it more and come to a decision about the alcohol/no alcohol thing. I wouldn't agonize over it now. It sounds like you both have so much to think about. You can make this decision (and spread the word to guests, if you feel you should) a week or two before the wedding.

ejheart

Have you thought about having a "cocktail hour" and then cutting it off? This would prevent your FI from having to be around it too much (especially considering you guys would probably be taking pics almost the entire time)...but I would COMPLETELY understand if there wasn't alcohol, given the situation.

Will there be a gap and/or travel to the reception from the ceremony site? Like PP mentioned, some people may just want to have a drink on their own, beforehand. If there was a gap then it would give people the chance to have a drink on their own before making it to the reception.

I've been to one wedding that was dry, and didn't really think it was a big deal. Although we had no idea that there wouldn't be alcohol, there was a "gap" in between and we did grab a drink (and we still would have gone, regardless). This wedding was on a Saturday but it was an early afternoon wedding, so I think it didn't seem too unusual that there wasn't any booze. Maybe you could consider moving your ceremony/reception times up too (if they're later in the evening).

raehny

FI and I went to a friend's wedding last year (he was a GM) where there was no alcohol except for a champagne toast because of alcohol issues on the bride's side.  We had a great time overall (probably because everyone in the WP was just a big group of friends), but honestly, we probably wouldn't have stayed for the WHOLE reception if FI hadn't been a part of it.  I like to at least stay for all the first dance/cake cutting/etc. but if people aren't up and dancing or if there isn't a good energy going (if that makes sense), I usually leave before the end.  BUT, that's also been pretty typical of any wedding I've gone to (including the ones with alcohol) - the people closest to the bridge and groom stay until the end (or close to it), and everyone else starts slowly trickling out after the formalities.  That being said, don't let that affect your decision, since this decision is more important than just finances.

ETA:  Forgot to say that I think a good idea would be to have some great non-alcoholic signature "mocktails" for your guests - that way they can still drink something yummy! 

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_wr-drinks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:b34a186d-9594-4391-813a-a81312eafb9cPost:69304197-c720-4e09-ba11-939f556d64bd">Re: WR: Drinks</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I went to a friend's wedding last year (he was a GM) where there was no alcohol except for a champagne toast because of alcohol issues on the bride's side.  We had a great time overall (probably because everyone in the WP was just a big group of friends), but honestly, we probably wouldn't have stayed for the WHOLE reception if FI hadn't been a part of it.  I like to at least stay for all the first dance/cake cutting/etc. but if people aren't up and dancing or if there isn't a good energy going (if that makes sense), I usually leave before the end.  BUT, that's also been pretty typical of any wedding I've gone to (including the ones with alcohol) - the people closest to the bridge and groom stay until the end (or close to it), and everyone else starts slowly trickling out after the formalities.  That being said, don't let that affect your decision, since this decision is more important than just finances. ETA:  Forgot to say that <strong>I think a good idea would be to have some great non-alcoholic signature "mocktails" for your guests - that way they can still drink something yummy!  :)</strong>
Posted by raehny[/QUOTE]
Yes! <div>or even like different kinds of punches? </div><div>That's definitely something that would be a good consulation to those that it matters to!</div>

jenbob2012

My friend had a "dry" wedding for the same reasons.  We had fun and it was still a very classy and elegant wedding.  The only thing that I would mention is to be sure that there are lots of acitivties or hopping music to keep everyone engaged.  The hour between the ceremony and reception where B&G were getting their pictures taken was a little rough because there was no alcohol but if the DJ had done a better job with music, or there had been a photo booth or what-have-you to do during that time it would've been great!

TrueBella

i'd still go, alc doesnt make or break a wedding. im there for the couple not the drinks.

dubird

If your FI is recovering, I would not have it just to make things stress-free.  If people don't like it, that's their issue.  I'm not trying to sound mean, but you have a very good reason for a dry reception, and if your guests can't understand that, there's not much you can do about.  You don't need alcohol to have a good reception.  Your marriage is the reason for this celebration, not alcohol, and those that love you will be happy to be there to share it with you.  ^_^