destination weddings and gift registries

thaxman

we are having a small ceremony in mexico next june and having a bigger reception at home soon afterwards. really, i would prefer not to register for gifts and make it clear that attedance is present enough. but my fiance made the point that there will be family members and friends who will want to purchase a gift no matter what we say and why make it hard for them by turning it into a guessing game. 

what would you think of this as a guest if you weren't invited to the ceremony, but you were invited to the reception and there was a gift registry? keep in mind that those attending the ceremony are super close to us and we don't feel uncomfortable telling them not to get us anything. would it be extra sketchy if we had the option for either a gift registry or making a donation to a charitable organization special to us? thanks for any advice.

quotequeen

There's nothing wrong with registering, because you don't tell people that you are registered unless they ask.  So, people who think you shouldn't have registered won't ask about it and don't need to know.  The people who ask are the ones who want to get you gifts from your registry.

Personally, I despise charity registries.

thaxman

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-weddings-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:039b7c39-19b4-4944-98ff-f0e3b75d4e28Post:9d007ddb-c7a8-472d-b5a0-93aaf29a129f">Re: destination weddings and gift registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I despise charity registries.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

for what reason, if you don't mind me asking?

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-weddings-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:039b7c39-19b4-4944-98ff-f0e3b75d4e28Post:d041a309-8af1-4b46-9e7c-ce250dcafd07">Re: destination weddings and gift registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: destination weddings and gift registries : for what reason, if you don't mind me asking?
Posted by thaxman[/QUOTE]

I hate them because I believe that charitable giving is a private matter that should be completely separate from gift giving.  A donation to a charity is a great thing to do (privately) but it's not a gift to anybody else.  When you get married (assuming I like you), I WANT to give YOU a gift to help you start your lives together.  If you really, really, don't want a gift from me, then fine, but don't come up with some completely unrelated thing and pretend that it's a gift to you.  It's not.

To me, responding to my question "what would you like as a gift" with "please donate to XYZ charity" is akin to me saying "I'd like to take you out to dinner, where should we go," and you responding with "I'd prefer you buy me a blender."