Is this rude?

jennyandjarrod

My wedding is 11 months away so I have time, however... I own my home, and have dishes and cookwear and all of that good stuff....So i decided we would probably just register at Target. I would just register for maybe some new towels, I'd like a new vacum, maybe some art, but not the typical kitchenware stuff......So many fellow brides have suggested registering for the honeymoon. I guess you just do it on the travel agents website or something... So I mention this to my mom, and she thinks that is rude... (however my parents are not paying for the honeymoon, we are)...also it's not like I would ever put it on the invitations or something...I would just post it under registries on our wedding website, and assume it would get around by word of mouth....... and besides, the registry at Target, is a list of a bunch of things that we want, so what is the difference in the honeymoon?.... I'll take all opinions, because I am torn on what to do...Thanks!

S_A_Friedel

My cousin did this for her wedding, I think its a great idea.  Some of the older guests might not do it as they are probably more traditional, but I think its a go! I've also heard of people doing registries for down payments on houses, so times are definitely changing and I don't find it rude, but thats my opinion

hmonkey

i don't like this idea at all.  if people want to give you money -- for your honeymoon, for your house -- they will find a way to do it, rather than having you tell them.as for store registries, i consider them helpful suggestions of things they might like. 

duckie1905

I prefer honeymoon registeries that: 1. Don't charge me a fee to buy a gift. 2. Ask me to purchase something (a dinner, a couples massage, an excursion) and not just donate money to the couple. With that being said, I would most likely buy off the traditional registry if it was available.

Leah&Christian09

These are relatively new, and people have mixed feelings about them.  Some people find them rude/tacky.  Some people think they are fine.  Some people think they are ok if you do it a certain way.  If your mom thinks it is rude, your guests are probably in the same camp.  That you, not your parents, are paying for the honeymoon is irrelevant.  Skip Target b/c they suck, and register at BB&B for sheets, towels, vacuum and any upgrades you need/want.  Try to keep it relatively small.  Then spread the word via parents/WP that you have a small registry, but that you are saving money for your honeymoon.  Anyone comfortable giving money will write you a check.

JuliaGoolia719

My major issue w them is that most of them charge a fee to use them, so if aunt sally "gives" you a dinner for 2 on the beach for $100, there is a service charge to the company for part of that. Aunty could have just given you a check for $100 and put "for a romantic dinner on the HM Love aunty" and you would have gotten the full benefit of the $$ and the registry wouldnt have gotten a cut of it.  does that make sense?I would just spread by word of mouth that you two are really looking forward to doing X, Y and Z excursions on the HM and let ppl give you cash if they want to.

jennyandjarrod

Thanks for the opinions everyone! I think after reading, I've decided to not register the honeymoon. I guess that really is like asking for money, and I wasn't looking at it that way before. I'm glad I asked this!

hbquinn

I think it's a good idea. Or just take the $$ that you get and pay off your credit card from where you charged the honeymoon. Either way, you don't need all the housey gifts that people usually buy so why should you ask them to buy that for you?

britab

Lots of knottie don't like them, but we did one throught our TA (with no fees to anyone). Quite a few of our guests really liked it. If you have a store too, I don't think guests will mind.

Kristin789

Wedding guests expect to give wonderful, long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage to be wonderful and long-lasting. Like china, bedding, and other nest-building stuff. When you see these gifts in your home, you will be reminded of the giver, and you will be reminded that you have a whole connected web of marriage mentors to whom you can turn for advice, counsel, new ideas or help when things go from better to worse. A short-term donation to your honeymoon sexfest does not match what wedding gifts are supposed to represent.

jennyandjarrod

kristin: sexfest? I didn't ask them to pay to send  us a prostituion brothel...... The honeymoon will be just as big a memory as the home stuff.............. Thanks for everyones opinions......as I pp I have decided not to register the honeymoon

cinderellie266

Jenny and Jarrod, I am a 2nd time bride.  My new husband-to-be has his own place.  We are blending 2 households of STUFF.  What do we need to register at Target for?  Another toaster? Times are CHANGING.  Take this from a middle aged person and event planner... register at BOTH.  We registered at TheHoneymoon.com and itemized our entire honeymoon (go ahead and check ours out at that site -- the Nichols wedding on Nov. 8th 2009) to see what we wrote.  In fact, here's the line that explains why we chose to do that: "Dear guests, we look forward to your joining us on our special day.  Of course, all we ask is your presence.  But some folks have asked us, "But we want to give you SOMETHING... what would you like?"  Since, we're blending two households already, we learned about this wonderful "gift of the honeymoon" alternative -- a honeymoon registry.  It's a wish list of all the things we'd like to do on our honeymoon, that you can sponsor.  You would be helping us create a lifetime of memories." Several of my second marriage friends did this, and guests helped pay for a significant portion of their honeymoon by giving them something they wanted.  A tangible memory.  What's wrong with that?  PLUS, several of the guests, and my future guests, have already thanked me for offering this alternative, since they would have no idea what to get us, and some people do not like to give cash. So why not do both?  Remember -- it's YOUR wedding -- do it YOUR WAY!

Irishsapphire

We used www.honeymoonwishes.com. I really liked this registry. I really believe that you should not charge your guest the fee. Guests who sent checks had a tedency to "guess" whether I was taking my husband's last name or not. I was not able to cash some of the checks until after the honeymoon, because I had to change the name on the bank account. The honeymoon registry was easier because guests use their credit card, the honeymoon registry wrote the check less the fee that was charged to us to correct person (sorry this is really how I felt coordinating a wedding, a honeymoon, and wedding gifts at the same time---I want easy). I would suggest having other good registries-from a major department store, JC Penney, Williams Sonoma, Crate & Barrel, etc. --go for the good stuff--it is luxury to have really nice towels. If anything, it is afternoon to have gift cards to the different stores. Your guests are adults. They will choose want works best for them. It is only a guide, and the purpose is to celebrate and help you have a good start as well.

cinderellie266

RetreadBride... perhaps you did not read my entire post.  A honeymoon registry is not meant to ask people for cash.  It means buying you a gift that you would like to have, beyond the salad plate.  It breaks no social rules.  I believe its origins wer probably in an answer to many of us now in the 2nd-time-around syndrome when we don't need another soup tureen from traditional department store registries. If you also read what I wrote in my signature, yes, I advocate doing things your way, but I also advise, as an event planner myself, that the guests are the focal point of a celebration, and in your planning.  However, what gifts you request in your own personal registries -- they are YOUR CHOICE -- they are personal.  So why not ask for a bottle of wine or a dinner for two or a couples massage, if that's what you want? 

NuggetBrain

I'm sorry, but if the Emily Post insitiute and Miss Manners say a honeymoon registry is okay, I'm going to believe them over random people on a message board.  In fact, registries as a whole weren't even in existance until 1924.  And it was only meant for people to know about what kind of china or crystal the couple wanted, not bath towels or sheets.  So if you really want to be anal about it, registries are in and of themselves horrible etiquette because they are, in fact, asking your guests for gifts. Getting a bath towel for someone is bad etiquette, because that's not what the purpose of a wedding registry was meant to be. 

spuliafico

I personally don't find anythign wrong with it, but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that in my family, people use the registry for the shower and then bring a check to the wedding, I feel (as does my mom) that if we were to do a honeymoon or home buying registry our family would love it cause then they wouldn't have to buy the card for the check! On the same note, we aren't doing either of those registries, just Crate & Barrell and Target, but I think they're an excellent idea and I think a lot of people would rather contribute to beautiful memories as newlyweds then cutlery you'll use for a couple years.

NuggetBrain

http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/SavingandDebt/P58714.asp Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, pointed out in a recent column that commercial gift registries used to be kept ONLY in the event that customers inquired about a bride's china or silver pattern. Now, she says, all sentiment is being stripped from the gift-giving tradition. People turn to registries, she says, "to put generosity under the control of its beneficiaries." And, she concludes sternly: "These practices are no less vulgar for having become commonplace."Like I said - according to this, any registries these days that have anything other than china, silver or crystal on them are poor etiquette.  Which means you should be telling everybody that they shouldn't be doing any registries at all, unless its only china, silver or crystal.  Period. 

alinaandjared

"Wedding guests expect to give wonderful, long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage to be wonderful and long-lasting. Like china, bedding, and other nest-building stuff. When you see these gifts in your home, you will be reminded of the giver, and you will be reminded that you have a whole connected web of marriage mentors to whom you can turn for advice, counsel, new ideas or help when things go from better to worse. A short-term donation to your honeymoon sexfest does not match what wedding gifts are supposed to represent. " I guess we have bad guests because they are not giving the "long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage" the last 3 weddings I went to, only a small minority of gifts gave gift gifts, others gave cash. Is that to be viewed as something other than a long-lasting gift? I think you should be free to have both a hoenymoon registry and a regular one. If someone is offended by the honeymoon registry and wants to get you a blender, so be it. if someone else wants to give $ but not a check, they can contribute to your honeymoon. I BELIEVE that the point of a gift is to congratulate the new couple with a gift that means something to the couple/is helpful to them, in whatever form that is.

ANGEL006

This is a new trend that older generations tend to find offensive. If people want to give you money, they will ~

Kristin789

>>I guess we have bad guests because they are not giving the "long-lasting gifts that mirror their hope for your marriage" the last 3 weddings I went to, only a small minority of gifts gave gift gifts, others gave cash. Is that to be viewed as something other than a long-lasting gift? No, they aren't "bad guests." They are giving YOU the cash to purchase long-lasting gifts from them to you. So when you write your TY to them, you mention exactly the long-lasting keepsake gift you bought with their money that is their gift to you.