International guests and gifts.

Tiffany&AdamL

I'm a bit stuck on what to do with wedding gifts. I'm from Pennsylvania, which is where we'll be having the wedding, but my fiance is from England. Most of my family is nearby, but his will be coming from various places in Europe. Furthermore, we have been to many places and have close friends all over Asia, in Canada, in Europe, etc. who we are inviting, some of which are standing for my FH. To further complicate things, we are in the middle of moving from Spain to the UK, possibly Scotland or England, and will still be there when we get married. So what on earth do we do about gifts? I don't expect anyone who has to travel for the wedding to add the expense of a gift, so how do I tell them that? And how do I avoid making it look like my family have to give gifts but his don't? (This, I'm hoping, won't be a huge issue, as my family is very close.) Finally, for those who do choose to give a gift, what do they do with it? How do I tell people that it will be difficult for me to get everything back to the UK after the wedding? Should I tell them to ship the gifts to our home? Thank goodness I have plenty of time to figure all of this out.... Thanks for the suggestions!

kat112

I'm sure your guests know that the two of you live overseas and will take that into consideration when they come to your wedding. I know I'd just give you a cash gift, which I'm sure a lot of people will do. As far as getting gifts home and mentioning to your guests to ship them there, to mention gifts would be presumptuous and rude. I think your guests will be able to figure out the logistics part on their own, so I wouldn't worry and stress out about it.

Nukke

My FI and I are in the same boat--we're moving from Japan to Canada, having the wedding in PA (where he's from.. I'm from Canada) and our BP is from Australia, UK, Singapore, the Philipines, Canada and all over the US.  We don't even know where we're going to live after we get married.  It's incredibly rude to appear you have the presumption of getting gifts from guests. You ARE going to get gifts, but if you don't want gifts from one side of the family and some from the others, you simply can't say so.  Cause then you're spreading the word--not that one side is "off the hook" but that the other side is EXPECTED to give.  This is what your bridesmaids are for.  Tell your MOH the problem, and that in light of all this trouble, that if any guest decides to get you a gift, that you'd prefer cash.  But naturally, you don't expect people to get you any gifts, and that the honour of their presence (NOT PRESENTS) at your wedding is most important.  It's your MOHs job to discretely spread the word about gifts.  If you still get lots of presents, there's simply nothing you can do about it.  You'll find a way to ship it, don't worry. 

Nukke

I forgot--the absolute only way this word of mouth can possibly spread is if someone ASKS your maids.  If they don't ask, you can't order your maids to "spread the word" anyway.  HTHs

Tiffany&AdamL

Thanks for the advice, ladies. As it happens, my MOH is my 14 year old sister, so the "duties" are a bit light there. You all make valid points, and sorry I didn't make it clear, we'd be asking everyone to not give gifts, not just his family. My FH is getting a kick out of the cleverness of being able to tell ppl 'no gifts, your presence is all that's required.' My reference to my family is the simple fact that regardless of what I tell them they'll be giving gifts. Last year I spent Christmas in Korea just before moving and explicity forbade them from sending anything (we're all extremely close) and I wound up with 4 more boxes of stuff to ship home, haha. And from what the FH says, his family will, too. Stubborn generosity on both sides, bless them. So we were just wondering if there was a protocol as to what to do when they ask my mom. (I know, major faux pas to involve the bride's family and not the bridal party, but the fact is, my family is my bridal party. And the family is Italian Catholic and so tight that they just discuss everything anyway!) Anywho, as I said, not too concerned, but curious about so-called etiquette.

Tiffany&AdamL

Oh, by the way Nukke, I hope everything goes smoothly with your 'international' planning! Where in PA are you going to be married?

Nukke

Thanks Tiffany!Um, we're actually going to be married in upstate new york.  It's pretty much equidistant to his family and mine.  So that works out (though everyone still has between a 4 and 7 hour drive ahead of them).As far as what to tell your mom, I'd have her gently tell those who ask how difficult it will be for you to move and have to carry wedding gifts with you.  That's pretty much all she has to say.  They'll get the hint that they should either give nothing, a monetary gift, or a small gift.  It's more important how she says it than what she says.  As long as she makes it clear how thoughtful and generous it is for them to consider giving you a gift, all will go smoothly no matter what her suggestion is.  best of luck!

[Deleted User]

I live in London with my English FI our wedding is in PA as well. Weird. Anyway I wouldn't mention gifts to anyone. People will make their own decisions based on their financial situation. I think people will give money, but maybe register at John Lewis for people who want to give a gift instead of money. They will hold gifts for up to 6 months. GL.

Tiffany&AdamL

Wow, random! Good luck with your planning, as well. Thanks for all the suggestions, girls. As it happens we just pushed our wedding forward an entire year, so we're now down to four months! I'm no longer concerned, as guests are all close family and friends and can certainly figure things out or have no prob asking. Plus now I'm just all excited about getting married, haha.Cheers, and good luck/congrats to all!