WHAT TO DO ABOUT CASH GIFTS AFTER THE WEDDING.

MichelleBarth

My husband and I got married last year and because we had been together for 7 years we asked everyone to make a donation to our honeymoon fund in lieu of gifts. My husbands brother who was and is now in the army gave us an enormous gift of $1,000 dollars which was very appreciated but much larger than most gifts. Anyways he just married a girl neither one of us has met after a month of dating and is planning a real ceremony some time in the future. I know he is short on cash because we loaned him a couple hundred dollars just before the wedding. Anyways the problem is that my husband brought up to me yesterday that he feels that giving him anything less than $1,000 dollars in return would be an insult. He wanted to know my opinion on whether we should give it now or later. I said that if we did it should be for the real ceremony. I know that without the gift that he had given us I would NEVER consider giving him $1,000 dollars but what is appropriate since that is what he gave us?

I <3 Seabass

I always think it's kind of silly to pass money back and forth like that. It's like, whats the point? I would probably give them a generous physical gift that I know that they would want/use and would have some sentimental value to it. For example if they registered for china, I might get them all of their place settings. Or even something like a new TV or piece of furniture.

banana468

I'd leave this as your FI's choice.  I don't think you *have* to give him $1000 but a generous gift would be a great gesture.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd be more likely to give him something pricey, but heartfelt, and a physical gift, rather than cash. That way the exact price you paid is a little more discreet.

duckie1905

Do what you can afford and what you feel comfortable with.  Giving you $1,000 (even if he couldn't afford it) was his decision and doesn't lock you into a specific amount.  I think it is silly to try and compete with his gift.  While generous an amount like that isn't something you should be responsible for "giving" back. If you don't feel comfortable with cash then maybe one of the more expensive gifts off their registry?

dsouldiva

ditto the above.I think you should give him the gift (not money) after the "official" wedding (vow renewal/reception), but perhaps you could write off the loan you just gave him if he is short of cash.  You don't have to match the amount, gifts should be thoughtful and based on what you can afford to give.PS.It sounds like they eloped, in which case, they kind of gave up the right to expect gifts (although I'm sure they don't anyway)