Gifts Cards?

TIFFIET82

We decided that since were are going to live in an apartment for a couple more years (no room for a lot of stuff), we wanted gift cards or money for wedding gifts. Is that tacky to ask for? And what do I do for bridal shower gifts? I am confused!

jagore08

No, it is not ok to ask for money for gifts. It's rude, plain and simple.

Babygurl81090

wow... this is an overload. No offense to the OP but i think this topic is taking over the knot forums. Do you think that your guests would see it as tacky? Would you give money or a gift card to a couple if they asked for it on their registry? It's a subject that i think will continue to be debated for a while. But if you don't think your guests will be upset with a monetary registry or asking for gift cards and that's what you and your FI want, you should go for it. But if they would be offended or your not sure how the majority of your guests would take it, skip the registry and don't register for anything. They will most likely give you money anyway because alot of people won't be sure what to get you... but you are also at risk of ending up with a bunch of things you won't want or need

Leah&Christian09

It is tacky to ask for money or gift cards.  You can just not create a registry, and if anyone asks, say "oh, we just don't have room for things right now."  If you don't want any physical gifts, you should decline the shower.

Babygurl81090

(i posted this response once, and i will do it again)You can't judge what is rude or acceptable unless you know that person, their culture, and their guests culture.There are some cultures that only bring cash to the wedding over gifts...and bringing gifts are rude. Would you call them tacky? I believe the Chinese do this. I think some African culture's as well. Do you know joyjumper's family, or culture? What they find acceptable or unacceptable? This is a topic that cannot be answered by everyone else. To some people, their tradition does define what is rude or not to have at their wedding. and yes, etiquette does depend ALOT on someone's culture, rules, and tradition. To say it doesn't would be a very ignorant statement. Cash registry could be a way to modernize this tradition... or for other couples to take on a different tradition.People keep saying wedding gifts are supposed to be long lasting household items in your home that you need to build a nest. But weddings have been going on for many many years in other countries that never gave household items as wedding gifts. Some cultures give food. Some cultures give money. So who made you guys supreme rulers of what the standards for a wedding present are?If you have a problem with it, don't have it at your wedding... plain and simple. But it's pointless to attack someone on their etiquette because it just boils down to opinion and personal belief, and this argument would go on forever.

Babygurl81090

did you ever consider that it might offend some of your family that you are NOT doing it in their tradition?America is a country filled with different cultures. To say that there is even an American culture is a huge debate that is still continuing to be argued. Its something just too general to come to a definite answer. Its a shade a gray and we aren't going to change each other's minds. So on this topic, the OP can get a huge bag of opinions...but in the end, it's only her opinion that matters.

Babygurl81090

i feel like culture, tradition and etiquette go hand in hand. They might not be the same thing, but a lot of times one effects the other. Another debate that could go for days, but i'd rather agree to disagree. I plan on sticking to the most universal rules of etiquette that i possibly can, but if one of those rules effect how we celebrate as a culture or our happiness as the guests of honor at our own wedding, than i'm going to have to scrap that rule. I'm sure that the majority of our guests will not have a problem with that.

Babygurl81090

@ stage managerThis is why i did not ask the question of "is a cash registry or gift cards not proper etiquette?" That was the OP. I think if you have to question it, than it's probably not a good idea.But etiquette is a touchy subject and sometimes can come inbetween a culture. I am not the biggest fan of "proper etiquette" but i try to follow certain rules because i know that they keep things in order.I'm sure if we broke out the old etiquette book from the 1940's, alot of things that are widely accepted now, would be forms of bad etiquette. And i believe culture and opinions play into the reasons why etiquette changes here in america. Different cultures have different forms of etiquette. I had an ex that was haitian and in their culture (which i think was very much influenced by the french), it is proper etiquette to eat with your dominant hand and cut with the other while holding both the knife and fork. But here, you are supposed to cut and eat with both the dominant hand and you put the knife down when you eat. That is considered proper etiquette. But this is one of those rules i would scrap. Does it really matter what hand you cut with? Yes, it's proper etiquette, but there are different forms of it. Since america is supposed to be a country of different cultures from different countries, how do you choose the etiqutte of your culture vs. the etiqutte of your country?That is where is becomes a personal preference.

jesunm2008

Just jumping in here,  I DO NOT think it is rude or tacky to ask for money. My FI and I have been living together for over three years now and we have EVERYTHING we need for our house, why on earth would we want to register for more stuff??  I feel that most ppl would understand that we have everything, and we arnt necissarily asking for money, but if they want to get us something we are pointing them in the direction of money or gift cards.  But obviously the do not have to get us anything at all.  You guys act like ppl are so close minded and would never think of giving money for a wedding. Give me a break, half the ppl just give money anyway even if you register for gifts.  TIFFIET82 there are lots of websites that have Wishing Well poems for weddings, for example you could put this in your invitation:             More than just kisses so far we've shared           Our home has been made with love and care               Most things we need we’ve already got              Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great(but only if you wish to participate)A gift of money is placed in the wellThen make a wish … but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the newWe can look back and say it was thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re surethat one day soon you'll get what you wished for!

Leah&Christian09

But Stage, you didn't do a cheesy poem!  Don't you know that a poem forgives all etiquette blunders? Roses are redViolets are blueTo get your moneyIs the reason we invited you

Babygurl81090

So it's rude to ask for money but not a blender? It used to be rude to ask for anything at all. Doesn't matter what the reasons are behind it right? It is still begging for gifts, is it not? I'm sure the same debate when on when registries were created. I would give it some time and watch the rules of etiquette change again.

Babygurl81090

A registry does not only serve the purpose of eliminating repeat gifts. It helps, but that is not the only thought behind a gift registry. Its is also a wish list to show guests what they WANT and NEED. And if repeat gifts were the only purpose of a wedding registry, a monetary registry can serve the same purpose. If most people give to the monetary registries,  you also won't have to worry about repeat gifts with the added bonus that you also won't have to worry about having 2 of something you already have.

Babygurl81090

And also,if it doesn't matter WHY you are asking for money, it just matters that you are asking at all... then why doesn't the same rule apply to asking for any gifts?You gave me a reason why a gift registry is helpful; you have yet to give me a reason why a gift registry is considered not proper etiquette.

Babygurl81090

The bottom line is that I would never ever put "money" on a list of christmas gift ideas because it's considered rude by a vast majority of the population. So why would I put it on a wedding registry? yes, but would you not suggest or hint to someone that you would love a gift card to a certain store. or you would never tell anyone that you  were saving up for a trip, so if they choose to donate to it, that would be just as good as any other gift?I would give money to someone if they had suggested it like that. But to even compare Christmas gifts to wedding gifts is like comparing oranges to apples. It's different. Wedding gifts would have a bit more meaning because they come only once and the gifts are usually related to the couple and what they will enjoy together. This is why i personally wouldn't just give to a monetary fund. I don't think it is personal enough and i like to give a gift that will have a memory. When money is all lumped together, you tend to forget about the giver. I'm pretty sure you won't think of every person that donated to you personal wedding fund every time you spend a dollar.Having a honeymoon registry that have specific use for the money is different. I will have pictures and video to capture that moment that the giver(s) paid for. And everytime i look at that picture, i will think of who gave that to us.

Babygurl81090

And also,if it doesn't matter WHY you are asking for money, it just matters that you are asking at all... then why doesn't the same rule apply to asking for any gifts?You gave me a reason why a gift registry is helpful; you have yet to give me a reason why a gift registry is considered not proper etiquette. I want to edit my previous post. the last sentence should have read:You gave me a reason why a gift registry is helpful; you have yet to give me a reason why a gift registry is considered proper etiquette and a monetary registry is not. i just want to make sure the sentence makes sense.

Babygurl81090

Stage manager, you still have not answered my question. I would like to see how a monetary registry has different etiquette standards from any other gift registries. It's rude to ask for any kind of gift, is it not?If a wedding registry is asking for cash...isn't a gift registry asking for gifts? Isn't that the reason why you don't put gift registries on the invitations and why you don't directly tell your guests that you have one? Do you not have to watch HOW you tell guests about your registries for fear that that telling people about your gift registry will come off rudely?But if it doesn't matter how you tell them, it just matters what it is... wouldn't the same apply to any and every registry?... Traditional registries included?

gottahavashorti

She did answer it:And before you throw the tired "registries are asking for gifts" argument at me: no, registries are not requests for gifts. They are wish lists provided FOR YOUR GUESTS to make it easier for them to get you a gift you actually need and will enjoy without repeating other guests' gifts (eg 10 people don't bring blenders when the couple already owns a blender).

Babygurl81090

she did not answer it. her first reason wasn't relevant because i had already explained how a monetary registry is useful. Couples can wish for money. They surely aren't demanding it by setting up a voluntary registry. and her second reason was basically another "it's rude because it's rude"apparently the word "wish" and "ask for" are being used as interchangeable words. And that seems to be the problem in this argument. They aren't the same thing. I just looked up the definition of ask and one of the definitions given was "to make a request". a wish is "something desired".That is the difference between someone asking for money and someone wishing for it. Having a monetary registry is showing the guests that the couple wishes for money. Asking for money would be rude, as would asking for gifts. There is nothing that says if a couple has a monetary registry, that the guests HAVE to give them money. It's what the couple wishes for, nothing more than that. It's the guests choice of what they want to give. They can choose whether or not they want to give the couple what they wish for...or give them something else. Either way, it is what the individual desires.

Babygurl81090

I never said anything about money being useful lol. Obviously money is useful. I explained earlier why specifically a monetary registry is helpful. 1 reason is, like a gift registry, in minimizes the chances of you getting a bunch of things you don't want or need. Another is that is let's your guests know what you wish for...which is money. There are a couple more i could name off the top of my head, but i just don't feel like it right now. So now that i have disproved both your reasons and proved it is not rude since those were the only 2 reasons that you have given me to prove your point, is the conversation over?No, i don't think so. You will just come back with something new all over again. And the song and dance of this whole thread will continue.I didn't say i was done. I thought the conversation was done since we agreed to disagree. But it continued. So i couldn't help but come back. I have a problem with walking away from a debate. I should go to law school. lol!!!!!!!!!

jinxed8605

You don't ask. You can spread the word, but not actually ask. Register for a few things (upgrades, outdoor equipment, etc.) Your guests will be thankful for it.

TIFFIET82

WOW! What a debate! So I get that money is tacky to some and not others but is gift cards the same as money?

kikibird

Essentially, with a twist. Gift cards at least specify a location for spending money, but in the end, it's still just a wish for money. I can relate to your predicament (not a lot of room for stuff in an apartment). We're registering for the special things now (e.g., china) and having it shipped to my mother's house. Maybe that would be an option for you. Got any relatives with large basements? Plus, gift cards MAY have time restrictions on them... I know FI and I have definitely run into some places where gift cards get debited every month if they're not used. May not be the case with gift cards from places with registries, but I would check on that. If you really don't want much stuff now, then don't register (or, I guess, have a shower --- or have family friends store stuff you get at the shower if you do have one). You'll probably get cash if folks still want to give you something (though you'll probably get random stuff too... even if you do register, folks will still likely give you stuff you didn't ask for). Then maybe later, throw a housewarming party. But consider this, you might move several times, but you'll only (hopefully) have a wedding once. Pick some special stuff now and store it, so you'll have wedding gifts to remind you of the people and the day. Just my $0.02.

kikibird

Sorry, that should have said, "then don't register (or DON'T, I guess, have a shower ..." oops!

TIFFIET82

Thanks. That, really helped. Thanks ladies for your words of wisdom.

Babygurl81090

Who said to stop posting? It certainly wasn't me. Post till your heart's content. All I said was that i thought the threads would stop because it's a debate that really won't end. You will come with something new, and i will come with a rebuttel (if i can't tear myself away from this thread haha)

There is really no right answer for this question right now because monetary registries is a new trend.