TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries

xobride

I thought someone would have commented on this by now given the general sentiment about it, but I didn't find anything this morning.  The article "10 Wedding Rules You Can Break" has honeymoon registries and the like as acceptable:

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

I understand both sides, but I think this is a sign of the times and the changes in engagements and weddings.  Couples didn't used to live together prior to marriage so they didn't have all the things needed to have their own house.  Their parents paid for all aspects their wedding.  Now, couples have longer engagements, live together even before getting engaged and usually pay for most, if not all, of their wedding themselves.

I personally prefer to give gifts that I know people want rather than gifts I think they want or need.  Giving gifts is a huge thing for me and always has been.  Registries in general used to be a big no, no matter what was on the list and I really see the new ones as an evolution in the process that falls in line with the way things happen now.

That being said, I realized several years ago that most of the things my kids just had to have that year, were obsolete by the next and I decided to start taking half of my Christmas budget and do some sort of family vacation each year.  I wanted to give memories, not just crap.  My kids were totally surprised the first year, but now they know we'll do something, even if it's just one or two nights at Great Wolf Lodge and they look forward to it more than anything wrapped under the tree.

How is asking for a Kitchenaid mixer any different than asking for a snorkeling excursion on your honeymoon?  I would much rather give someone memories than something they don't need and I like the concept of giving money for something specific rather than just in general.  Sure, I could give them $100 in a card, but it isn't as personal as contributing to something specific you know they want to do.

Yes, I realize that you aren't paying for that exact item, but I think the people who do it right, use it for that and I know many couples who send a picture of themselves doing that thing with the thank you card.  I also like the fact that you can contribute small amounts.  Some people register for a lot of expensive things and it can be tricky to find something within your budget to give, but with the untraditional registries, you can contribute towards something without having to pay for the entire thing.  I don't like the idea of losing a percentage, but as with all things, this is new and will change with time and perhaps someone will come up with a way to make money without taking it away from the couple.

I personally don't plan to do this, but I don't have a problem with anyone who does and I think they are going to become more and more accepted as time goes by. 

rlavach

Well, I'm not going to bother to explain why honeymoon registries are rude. There are 3489547896201 posts on here with the exact same question. My only statement will be this: Don't use The Knot for wedding etiquette. It's a website that, like all others, needs to make money. They will do & say whatever their sponsors & advertisers want in order to make a profit.

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:fbb2e015-4e29-4de2-ae65-560300b7e93e">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'm not going to bother to explain why honeymoon registries are rude. There are 3489547896201 posts on here with the exact same question. My only statement will be this:<strong> Don't use The Knot for wedding etiquette. It's a website that, like all others, needs to make money. They will do & say whatever their sponsors & advertisers want in order to make a profit.</strong>
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. It has less to do with the times changing and more to do with people not educating themselves on etiquette.

These things are still awful
HMR
Jack and Jill/Stage and Doe Fundraisers
Greenback Showers
etc- Directly asking for cash is still rude no matter how you try to dress it up

Avion22

My biggest issue with honeymoon "registries" is that most of them charge the giver a FEE to use it.  Say the giver wants to give $100 toward whatever.  The couple only receives $90-$95.   For what?  Some website that actually makes it HARDER for guests to give money, and HARDER for couples to receive it?

If you want the couple to get $100, then give them $100. Don't give some web company $5-10 just for making your life harder...

xobride

So, if TK is just saying this for the money, then what is Emily Post's motivation?

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules

If she's not an acceptable source, then who is?  Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn't mean it can't be done a different way to allow for changing times.

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:ca570dfe-ae17-4c61-8b5f-7093f139c529">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]So, if TK is just saying this for the money, then what is Emily Post's motivation? <a href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules" rel="nofollow">http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules</a> If she's not an acceptable source, then who is?  Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn't mean it can't be done a different way to allow for changing times.
Posted by xobride[/QUOTE]

<div>Emily Post is now a foundation that sold out to the wedding industry.  She's not reliable either.  Try Amy Vanderbilt or Miss Manners.</div>

kmmssg

xobride - just had to mention that Great Wolf Lodge has been my gift to my grandkids for Christmas the last two years going with that giving memories instead of stuff idea.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:11998312-1192-48b0-858a-f9bb0abf24cc">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Or try common sense. Everyone knows it's rude to ask for money. A honeymoon registry is asking for money. Duh.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly. It's also a lie, since people believe they're buying you dinner or a massage or whatever and really they're just giving you money with a chunk taken out by whatever company.</div>

MyNameIsNot

Wait, did you really just say that a honeymoon registry is more personal than a card with a check in it?  Seriously?

Card with check:  I write out the card, can include a message, and can hand it personally to the B&G after I stick in the $100.00 check.  Later, I can check my account and be sure that the couple cashed the check.  

HM registry:  I choose a gift online, click on it, and run my card for $100.00.  Later, the couple gets a check for $94.00.  

How on earth could the second be MORE personal?  It is so much less personal.  

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:ca570dfe-ae17-4c61-8b5f-7093f139c529">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]So, if TK is just saying this for the money, then what is Emily Post's motivation? <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules">http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules</a> If she's not an acceptable source, then who is?  Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn't mean it can't be done a different way to allow for changing times.
Posted by xobride[/QUOTE]
Well, I don't really see on there where she explicitily states that it's ok to have a honeymoon registry? She mentions 'registering' for cash and then states that it is best to spread by word of the mouth the fact that you are saving up for a specific item/event and would appreciate a donation towards that. She does say that there are websites that offer this, but it is best to also have a traditional registry. So basically, she isn't really broaching the topic, but rather skirting around it without really giving an opinion for or against it.

MNVegas

I think it is interesting the TK posts these articles but when TK reps like Carly are on TV talk shows, she always says asking for cash is a big NO, NO!

Agree w/pp, asking for cash is rude. I will give a cash gift if I want to but not when some greedy person tells me to give it.

mcskatcat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:ca570dfe-ae17-4c61-8b5f-7093f139c529">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]So, if TK is just saying this for the money, then what is Emily Post's motivation? <a href="http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules" rel="nofollow">http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/652-inside-weddings-registry-rules</a> If she's not an acceptable source, then who is?  Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn't mean it can't be done a different way to allow for changing times.
Posted by xobride[/QUOTE]

This is probably just semantics, but it didn't sound to me like she was totally approving cash registries.  She said that like regular registries, still spread this info by word of mouth, and she still said that no matter what you want or do, it's best to still have a smal registry because a lot of people like to buy tangible gifts.

And IMO, regardless of all the etiquette issues surrounding HM registries, they seem just plain stupid to me.  How can you plan your HM with money you don't yet have???? I say this as someone who took our honeymoon months after we got married.  I just don't think it's practical.

lls31

I always liked the idea of HM registries and even considered creating one - until I joined TK and browsed this board.  I really don't agree with the fact that guests are charged a fee and you would get a smaller portion of what they actually spent.  I didn't think registering for a romantic dinner was all that bad until other posters on here explained exactly how it worked.  That being said, I don't like HM registries.  I wouldn't look down upon someone who created one, but I would not purchase anything from it and I would never create one myself.  

As far as asking for cash or gift cards go, I think it's rude regardless of what etiquette says.  I recently received a shower invite with a note that the couple prefers gift cards.  On top of the fact that I saw that as very tacky, WTH is the point of the shower? 

chickenbut143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:4f96d170-e89d-467c-8c5b-7ae15bf66b1b">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I always liked the idea of HM registries and even considered creating one - until I joined TK and browsed this board.  <strong>I really don't agree with the fact that guests are charged a fee and you would get a smaller portion of what they actually spent.</strong>  I didn't think registering for a romantic dinner was all that bad until other posters on here explained exactly how it worked.  That being said, I<strong> don't like HM registries.  I wouldn't look down upon someone who created one, but I would not purchase anything from it and I would never create one myself.</strong>   As far as asking for cash or gift cards go, I think it's rude regardless of what etiquette says.  I recently received a shower invite with a note that the couple prefers gift cards.  On top of the fact that I saw that as very tacky, WTH is the point of the shower? 
Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree w/ you more...I just don't like them & feel that its much less personal.  I will NEVER purchase something from one.  I'd rather give the couple cash.

OBX2011

OP---do you believe everything you read?

HM registries are beyond rude!  Why on Earth would you want and/or expect for your guests to pay for your HM??  Get with the program and pay for it yourself or guess what....you don't get one.  End of story.

MrsKigerToBe

I think you have a good point OP about changing with the times, generally. Things do change more rapidly in our culture due to the digital age. However, there are some things that are passing fads not actual cultural changes. I think honeymoon registering, as they are, are most likely a passing fad not a legitimate etiquette change. Nonetheless, none of us know the future, so it is possible something similar will be acceptable for our children or children's children. I think it would have to be a modified form of the current trend where the actual dinner, etc. was purchased rather than money being given to the couple. I would purchase from a honeymoon registry if I was asked to , although I would not have one myself. That being said we still need many traditional items.so I don't know how it feels to not need anything. The flip side of that is I would feel a honeymoon registry meant the couple was well off enough not to need anything so I probably would contribute less than I would to the starting out couple registering for towels and every day plates or the couple spreading they need money towards a down payment by word of mouth. 

Tandra&Devin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:f33803ad-9503-4607-bc8f-df7b1d5dcc2a">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, did you really just say that a honeymoon registry is more personal than a card with a check in it?  Seriously? Card with check:  I write out the card, can include a message, and can hand it personally to the B&G after I stick in the $100.00 check.  Later, I can check my account and be sure that the couple cashed the check.   HM registry:  I choose a gift online, click on it, and run my card for $100.00.  Later, the couple gets a check for $94.00.   How on earth could the second be MORE personal?  It is so much less personal.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

The honeymoon registries can be just as personal as a card.  There are ones where you can leave the couple a personal message, like with mine. 

It can also be made more personal and viable for guests.  If someone can't afford anything more than $10, they can give us a contribution towards a museum entrance fee, which to me would feel so much better than showing up at a shower with a cheap set of dishtowels or a potato peeler.  Guests can also give personal gifts, like my pro fisherman uncle gave us enough money to charter a boat when we get to Mexico.  It's engaging, it's personal, and it doesn't clutter our house with a lot of stuff we can't store at the moment and don't really want anyway.

And often, the fees are added on to the gift, not always taken from it.  So you gift $100 and pay $107.  No different -- better than, in my opinion -- buying a $100 blender/china set/whatever and then paying 6% sales tax and an extra $15 or more for shipping, gift wrap, and so on.  Either way, the couple gets something they want or need and if they're a gracious couple, they'll greatly appreciate it and thank the giver. 

To me, making a wishlist of items you want is no more rude than saying, "Hey, we'd prefer contributions to our honeymoon instead of stuff.  If you want to give us a gift, thank you in advance."

As far as planning, you can wait to take your honeymoon, or you can still plan ahead.  My FI and I were gifted the major bits of our honeymoon long ago -- hotel and air -- and have enough set aside for other expenses.  If we get enough from our HR to cover the trip, that fund will be put aside for something else, most likely a mortgage down payment.  If not, then we still have the money.  It's really not as complex as everybody wants to be silly and make it.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:42add979-bbb4-4cab-8faa-7635e83bbbe2">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : <strong>The honeymoon registries can be just as personal as a card.</strong>  There are ones where you can leave the couple a personal message, like with mine.  And often, the fees are added on to the gift, not always taken from it.  So you gift $100 and pay $107.  No different -- better than, in my opinion -- buying a $100 blender/china set/whatever and then paying 6% sales tax and an extra $15 or more for shipping, gift wrap, and so on.  Either way, the couple gets something they want or need and if they're a gracious couple, they'll greatly appreciate it and thank the giver.  <strong>To me, making a wishlist of items you want is no more rude than saying, "Hey, we'd prefer contributions to our honeymoon instead of stuff.  If you want to give us a gift, thank you in advance."</strong> As far as planning, you can wait to take your honeymoon, or you can still plan ahead.  My FI and I were gifted the major bits of our honeymoon long ago -- hotel and air -- and have enough set aside for other expenses.  If we get enough from our HR to cover the trip, that fund will be put aside for something else, most likely a mortgage down payment.  If not, then we still have the money.  It's really not as complex as everybody wants to be silly and make it.
Posted by Tandra&Devin[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry....but whaaattt???  That is absolutely absurd.

What you and FI did is considered rude.

Tandra&Devin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:52dbea99-21c1-4021-89ba-038160ab1771">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : I'm sorry....but whaaattt???  That is absolutely absurd. What you and FI did is considered rude.
Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]

To you, it's rude.  To our guests, it's been a big hit.  And really, who else's opinion matters?

If I went to a friend's house for dinner and stuck my elbows on the table, someone outside might consider it rude, but not my hosts.  My work clients would be put-off if I used bad language or emoticons in my emails, but friends see right past them.  I had a professor in college that I always called by his first name, but one I wouldn't have dared address as anything other than Sister/Doctor. 

Point is, there's no "one size fits all" etiquette rule for any situation, wedding registries included.

MNVegas

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:160d9e07-10f6-468f-8979-c0b1358fae59">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : To you, it's rude.  To our guests, it's been a big hit.  And really, who else's opinion matters? If I went to a friend's house for dinner and stuck my elbows on the table, someone outside might consider it rude, but not my hosts.  My work clients would be put-off if I used bad language or emoticons in my emails, but friends see right past them.  I had a professor in college that I always called by his first name, but one I wouldn't have dared address as anything other than Sister/Doctor. <strong> Point is, there's no "one size fits all" etiquette rule for any situation, wedding registries included.</strong>
Posted by Tandra&Devin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Obviously you don't know anything about etiquette. Maybe you should have registered for a book about the subject.  </div><div>
</div><div>

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freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:8c8de332-2663-4c99-8bb7-e956be3e6705">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : Obviously you don't know anything about etiquette. Maybe you should have registered for a book about the subject.  
Posted by MNVegas[/QUOTE]

<div>*Like*</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sure it was a big hit with her guests--its not like any of them would be rude enough to call her out to her face.</div>

artbyallie

By the way, from the same article:

"If you'd like your fiancé's parents' help [paying for the wedding], your husband-to-be will need to ask for it -- not you, and certainly not your parents."

Uh, no. You don't ask AT ALL.

"It's still polite (and very appreciated!) to invite guests' significant others, but if you're inviting a group of coworkers, for instance, and two or more of them are single, they should have no problem attending solo."

SOs should ALWAYS be invited.

Hardly a good source, I'd say.

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:160d9e07-10f6-468f-8979-c0b1358fae59">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : <strong>To you, it's rude.  To our guests, it's been a big hit.</strong>  And really, who else's opinion matters? If I went to a friend's house for dinner and stuck my elbows on the table, someone outside might consider it rude, but not my hosts.  My work clients would be put-off if I used bad language or emoticons in my emails, but friends see right past them.  I had a professor in college that I always called by his first name, but one I wouldn't have dared address as anything other than Sister/Doctor.  Point is, there's no "one size fits all" etiquette rule for any situation, wedding registries included.
Posted by Tandra&Devin[/QUOTE]

**pats head**

casyme

I have to jump in here to support the honeymoon registry/cash proponents.  I don't think I'm going to do a honeyfund because I don't like the idea of the company taking some of my $$.  So it's not perfect, but it's a trend that helps fill a modern need that is going largely ignored -- namely, recognizing that newly married couples don't need the sorts of tangible household things that couples a few generations ago needed. 

This idea that it's rude for people to subtly suggest how guests could direct their gifts so as to maximize their benefit to the very people whose happiness they are trying to honor by giving a gift is so bass-ackwards.  Gift giving is about the recipient.  You're telling me it's more polite to guilt people into creating registries for plastic and china crap that they don't really need, because they can't ask for money or honeymoons without offending Miss Manners, so they then have to either waste those gifts or spend months returning those gifts that they didn't really want in the first place to get the cash they really wanted?  Guilting people into that charade is not worthy of being called "ettiquette." 

And creating a small registry is not a foolproof ticket to getting more cash -- it means you'll get some cash, but also some random tangible gifts that people will buy because they don't know what you actually want, because it's "rude" to tell clue them in.

I am always gratified when a couple tells me they'd actually rather have cash, which I then give, because the gift is about them, not me.  And if they really want a blender, then a blender I give!


 

MNVegas

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:2731527d-55a2-4cb3-8cf3-0c196964a5f3">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to jump in here to support the honeymoon registry/cash proponents.  I don't think I'm going to do a honeyfund because I don't like the idea of the company taking some of my $$.  So it's not perfect, but it's a trend that helps fill a modern need that is going largely ignored -- namely, recognizing that newly married couples don't need the sorts of tangible household things that couples a few generations ago needed.  <strong>This idea that it's rude for people to subtly suggest</strong> how guests could direct their gifts so as to maximize their benefit to the very people whose happiness they are trying to honor by giving a gift is so bass-ackwards.  <strong>Gift giving is about the recipient</strong>.  You're telling me it's more polite to guilt people into creating registries for plastic and china crap that they don't really need, because they can't ask for money or honeymoons without offending Miss Manners, so they then have to either waste those gifts or spend months returning those gifts that they didn't really want in the first place to get the cash they really wanted?  Guilting people into that charade is not worthy of being called "ettiquette."  And creating a small registry is not a foolproof ticket to getting more cash -- it means you'll get some cash, but also some random tangible gifts that people will buy because they don't know what you actually want, because it's "rude" to tell clue them in. I am always gratified when a couple tells me they'd actually rather have cash, which I then give, because the gift is about them , not me .  And if they really want a blender, then a blender I give!  
Posted by casyme[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No one is saying "sublte suggestion" is rude. Setting up a HM registry is <strong>NOT</strong> subtle, telling people you want cash instead of box gifts is <strong>NOT</strong> subtle, putting instructions on your invitations saying you want cash is <strong>NOT </strong>subtle, stupid poems are <strong>NOT</strong> subtle. Outright requests for cash are <strong>NOT</strong> subtle.</div><div>
</div><div>People often suggest word of mouth via family/WP if a guest asks about gift preference, which is subtle. Doing a small registry is subtle. Telling someone who asks that your are registered at store x but saving for x is subtle.</div><div>
</div><div>Gift giving is about what the guest wants to get the recipient. </div><div>
</div><div>
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Tandra&Devin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:8c8de332-2663-4c99-8bb7-e956be3e6705">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : Obviously you don't know anything about etiquette. Maybe you should have registered for a book about the subject.  
Posted by MNVegas[/QUOTE]

I just love how every so-called gracious bride on here has to be a complete and utter B to anyone who disagress with them, yourself included.  I feel differently about etiquette than you do, but I don't stoop to being obnoxious to others about my beliefs.  If the subject comes up, I politely present my arguments.  I don't condescend.  I don't presume to know anything about others' lives, weddings, or guests.  Just because you and some others think one way doesn't make that opinion fact. 

Whether you like it or not, honeymoon registries are an option for brides.  And whether you want to condescend to me or tell me I'm rude or make presumptions about my friends and family's state of mind concerning my registry, the fact is I don't want or need "stuff" right now.

If you want to keep debating in a friendly manner, I'd love to engage.  But if you're just going to act childish and self-important, count me out please.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:2731527d-55a2-4cb3-8cf3-0c196964a5f3">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE] You're telling me it's more polite to guilt people into creating registries for plastic and china crap that they don't really need, because they can't ask for money or honeymoons without offending Miss Manners, so they then have to either waste those gifts or spend months returning those gifts that they didn't really want in the first place to get the cash they really wanted?  Guilting people into that charade is not worthy of being called "ettiquette."  And creating a small registry is not a foolproof ticket to getting more cash -- it means you'll get some cash, but also some random tangible gifts that people will buy because they don't know what you actually want, because it's "rude" to tell clue them in
Posted by casyme[/QUOTE]

<div>What? No, you do NOT register for stuff with the intention of returning it for cash. Now, THAT is beyond rude. And people who want to buy tangible gifts WILL do so even if you have a honeymoon registry because that is not tangible to them.

People know cash is always appreciated because, duh, it's cash. We got a ton of it despite having three registries. We also got 'random' gifts because that's what people wanted to give us. Some of my favorite wedding gifts were off-registry, like the awesome pottery soup bowls one of my great-aunts gave us.</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:160d9e07-10f6-468f-8979-c0b1358fae59">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : To you, it's rude. <strong> To our guests, it's been a big hit.</strong>  And really, who else's opinion matters? If I went to a friend's house for dinner and stuck my elbows on the table, someone outside might consider it rude, but not my hosts.  My work clients would be put-off if I used bad language or emoticons in my emails, but friends see right past them.  I had a professor in college that I always called by his first name, but one I wouldn't have dared address as anything other than Sister/Doctor.  Point is, there's no "one size fits all" etiquette rule for any situation, wedding registries included.
Posted by Tandra&Devin[/QUOTE]

<div>Your guests aren't going to actually TELL you you're being rude. That's what the internet is for. And you're being rude.</div>

MNVegas

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tk-article-about-untraditional-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:28e5b545-f097-4ba6-a2f4-4675145655eaPost:6be654ab-91f8-4736-8db6-886480b34d5a">Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TK Article About "Untraditional" Registries : I just love how every so-called gracious bride on here has to be a complete and <strong>utter B to anyone who disagress with them, yourself included.</strong>  <strong>I feel differently about etiquette than you do, but I don't stoop to being obnoxious to others about my beliefs.  I</strong>f the subject comes up, I politely present my arguments.  I don't condescend.  I don't presume to know anything about others' lives, weddings, or guests.  Just because you and some others think one way doesn't make that opinion fact.  <strong>Whether you like it or not, honeymoon registries are an option for brides. </strong> And whether you want to condescend to me or tell me I'm rude or make presumptions about my friends and family's state of mind concerning my registry, <strong>the fact is I don't want or need "stuff" right now</strong>. If you want to keep debating in a friendly manner, I'd love to engage.  <strong>But if you're just going to act childish and self-important, </strong>count me out please.
Posted by Tandra&Devin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Nice, now because people don't agree with your feelings on etiquette you resort to name calling.  </div><div>
</div><div>You obviously don't understand what etiquette is, it is not something you feel about. Etiquette is acceptable social behavior. Asking for cash is not socially acceptable. </div><div>
</div><div>Just because the wedding industry markets HM registries does not mean they are right.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't need "stuff" then don't register for anything. Quite simple!</div><div>
</div><div>

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sbelle85

It was always my understanding that the purpose of giving gifts/registering for a wedding was to help furnish the couple with things that they will need in their married life.

An exotic or expensive vacation is not a need, and I think it's incredibly rude and presumptuous to expect your wedding guests to help fund this. Personally, I was mortified when I realized that Williams-Sonoma had automatically included "Gift Cards Also Appreciated" on our registry, and I prayed to God that no one had seen it.

Going on an expensive honeymoon is certainly a treat if that's something that you can afford to do. But it's not by any means a necessity. I think lately a lot of brides feel that they are entitled to it, and that if they can't pay for it, their friends and family should.

If you already have everything you feel you could possibly need for your home, great. Don't register. But don't expect people to hand over cash and treat you to a vacation just because you decided that any gifts other than cash that they may have chosen to give you are not satisfactory.

And if you do happen to receive cash gifts from friends (unsolicited), by all means, put that money towards your honeymoon. But flat out asking for it is crass.

Fluffernut

At the local wedding fair, there was a company: giftmyride.com.  I had to check it out because I was confused.  Guests can purchase virtual car parts online and those funds go toward a future vehicle.  They apparently work with a few dealers or something.  I thought of TK and said to myself, this would not go over well!

As for HM registries, when I was younger, I always thought, wow!  How awesome!  But as I got older I saw that this was not a way to go for me.  I don't think I'd side-eye a person who chose to do it, but I probably would rather just give cash than actually utilize a persons HM registry.