Registry and Gift Forum

Honeymoon Gift Registry

I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry?

I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts. My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry?

Thanks in advance.

Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry

  • edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry? I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts. My <strong>future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries</strong>. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    Really?  Because I've never read this from her.  She tends to take the same attitude as Dear Abby that your e-ring did not magically turn your guests into ATMs.

    Nobody is going to tell you to your face that they are rude.  A lot of guests do not know they are being deceived and think that they are actually buying you something for your honeymoon.

    Here's my experience.  My parents thought my brother and SIL's HR was a brilliant idea and bought several hundred dollars worth of gifts for them.  When they found out (after the wedding) how HRs really work, my dad hit the roof.  To say he was pissed was an understatement.  He felt deceived and was furious that my brother and SIL didn't even get all of the money from the service they used.  Had my parents known how these things work, they would have just given them a check.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry? I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts.<strong> My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries</strong>. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    <div>Really? I'd like to see that article since in her recent book, Miss Manners frowned on Honeymoon registries: <a href="http://books.google.ca/books?id=gSggUrFCgNsC&pg=PA63&lpg=PA63&dq=miss+manners+honeymoon+registry&source=bl&ots=pWF_mMVeIJ&sig=1MTDUvrB7i_yyguYh-bR5xcPdZE&hl=en&sa=X&ei=BycpUO2bMcH00gHE3YCoDA&ved=0CFMQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=miss%20manners%20honeymoon%20registry&f=false" target="_blank" title="Page 63" rel="nofollow">Page 63</a></div><div>
    </div><div>Google is your friend. </div><div>
    </div><div>My advice would be don't accept made up crap as gospel  just so you can do what you want, and don't come onto a public forum and get snottay about the advice people can and can't give you. If you're not interested in what we have to say, don't ask. </div>
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  • I think they are rude. And as a guest, I would NEVER buy from one, even before learning even if I think I'm buying you dinner, what you really get is a check with some of the money I spent taken out.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry?<strong> I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts</strong>. My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    Want to know the great thing about posting a question on a public internet forum?  You can't tell people how to post.  Just because you are choosing to ignore how rude HM registries are, doesn't make them any less rude. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry? I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts. <strong>My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries</strong><u>.</u> But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    Please share the link, because I find that really hard to believe. 

    HR=asking for cash=RUDE
    No matter <em>who</em> says its "acceptable."
    image


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry? <strong>I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong</strong>, as noted in some of the other posts. My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You may not be interested in hearing that what you want to do is rude, but this is a public board and you don't get to dictate what people post.<div>
    Asking for cash gifts is rude and most HM registries are deceitful. You will have guests that will be offended by your idea.  </div></div>
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry? I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts. <strong>My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries</strong>. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    <div>No she didn't.  If you try to lie about what etiquette experts say to a bunch of etiquette buffs, you are going to get caught.  Miss Manners has come out bashing those deceitful cash grabs on more than one occasion.  Good try though.  </div><div>
    </div><div>You don't get to tell people how to respond on the internet.  If you want advice on how to do something rude, you're in the wrong place.  The ladies on this board insist on discouraging you from embarrassing yourself with rude behavior, no matter what you ask for.  </div>
  • Hey - I've seen posts about honeymoon registries before, but I think I'm a little confused ...... how do they actually work?  My friend who recently got married had honeymoon activities on her registry and I purchased her and her husband a scuba diving outing ...... it was through zankyou registry .... are you saying that the money I gave them actually just went toward a pool of cash?  Is it possible to actually give people gifts of honeymoon activities somehow......?  Or are all honeymoon registries like that?

    Thanks for clearing this up!
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:cf582399-6c92-4e4e-8327-b0b902763851">Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey - I've seen posts about honeymoon registries before, but I think I'm a little confused ...... how do they actually work?  My friend who recently got married had honeymoon activities on her registry and I purchased her and her husband a scuba diving outing ...... it was through zankyou registry .... <strong>are you saying that the money I gave them actually just went toward a pool of cash</strong>?  Is it possible to actually give people gifts of honeymoon activities somehow......?  Or are all honeymoon registries like that? Thanks for clearing this up!
    Posted by curiousgeorgette[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes.  If you spent $100 for the outting, the company took their percentage (usually somewhere around 5%) and then the couple gets a check for the balance.  They may or may not use the money to scuba or for something on the trip.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you wanted to buy an actual gift on the HM for the couple, you could contact the hotel/resort where they are staying and arrange something through them.  One of my aunts did that and arranged for champagne and strawberries in the our room when we arrived.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:cf582399-6c92-4e4e-8327-b0b902763851">Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey - I've seen posts about honeymoon registries before, but I think I'm a little confused ...... how do they actually work?  My friend who recently got married had honeymoon activities on her registry and I purchased her and her husband a scuba diving outing ...... it was through zankyou registry .... are you saying that the money I gave them actually just went toward a pool of cash?  Is it possible to actually give people gifts of honeymoon activities somehow......?  Or are all honeymoon registries like that? Thanks for clearing this up!
    Posted by curiousgeorgette[/QUOTE]

    <div>There are some VERY limited HM registries that actually provide the activities - these are usually through companies like Sandals, where it's an all-inclusive resort, and Sandal's is the company actually running the HM registry.</div><div>
    </div><div>The vast majority, however, just cut the bride and groom a check after the honeymoon minus a service fee, usually like 6-8% of the total amount... zankyou, unfortunately, is a cash registry.  Their rates are lower, but it's still a cash grab.  This is what they say about their services:</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><ol class="list-number advantages-zk" style="margin:0px 0px 20px;padding:0px;list-style-position:inside;font-size:15px;line-height:17px;font-family:Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;color:#333333;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;"><li style="margin:0px 0px 12px;padding:0px 0px 8px;"><strong>Get the gifts you really want</strong> with the Zankyou cash wedding registry. You get the cash equivalent of the gift contributions to your bank account so you can take the cash or buy the actual gift when you’re ready. At 2.85% per gift, Zankyou's rates are among <strong>THE LOWEST</strong> on the market. And <strong>getting the right gift is easier</strong> on the guest too!</li><li style="margin:0px 0px 12px;padding:0px 0px 8px;">You can add or create any kind of gift with your wedding registry, whether it is for your <strong>honeymoon, a household item, a donation to your favorite charity, or a dream fund</strong>. We are constantly updating our catalog of cool gift ideas."</li></ol><div><span style="font-size:12px;line-height:15px;color:#333333;font-family:Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;text-align:-webkit-auto;">In other words, that "dinner" was a cash gift to the couple, minus 2.85%.  See why it's deceitful?  The couple would have had more of your gift, and more quickly, if you had just stuck a check in a card... but they decided to basically lie and say that what you were buying was dinner, when you were really just funnelling them cash.  Maybe she used it on dinner, but she didn't have to.  Notice the first part says you can take the cash OR use it on the activities the bride/groom designate.</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;color:#333333;font-family:Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:13px;line-height:15px;text-align:-webkit-auto;">
    </span></div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry? I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts. My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries. <strong>But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea.</strong> Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    Just because your guests aren't going to boycott your wedding until you promise not to have a HR doesn't mean they're "on board" with it. It is against etiquette to point out to people to their faces that they are doing something rude. Guests not saying anything to you doesn't mean they aren't thinking what you're doing is rude as hell and breaking every etiquette rule out there.

    No one on here is talking out of her ass and trying to ruin your PPD. We just want you to know the truth, which is that in most circles, honeymoon registries are heavily frowned upon. Think about it--if you and/or your FMIL have to scour the internet to find out whether or not something is rude, it's rude. Trust your instincts. There's a reason why Knotties advise against honeymoon registries, and it's because they are not perceived as polite or acceptable.
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Laying all that aside, a lot of people feel uncomfortable putting their credit card info out into the Internet or with the Internet in general (for the older folks).  If they want to give you cash or a check in lieu of a physical gift (even if you don't have a registry, they might get you something anyway), that should be their decision.
  • I want to thank those of who provided details and personal experiences regarding how HR work, as it was very insightful. I guess what I need to do is go back to the drawing board. I was under the assumption that if a guest buys you a night at a hotel, you get a voucher for that night. I had no clue that you actually get cash and there is a fee associated with it. Definately need to investigate this future. Again thanks.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:31d049f5-f50b-42e8-a623-ccfeec2d9cfc">Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I want to thank those of who provided details and personal experiences regarding how HR work, as it was very insightful. I guess what I need to do is go back to the drawing board. I was under the assumption that if a guest buys you a night at a hotel, you get a voucher for that night. I had no clue that you actually get cash and there is a fee associated with it. Definately need to investigate this future. Again thanks.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yay an OP who finally listened to reason!  OP, no worries about being sucked in - HM registries sound great until you read the fine print.  You can see if your HM destination is one of the few places that actually does provide a voucher for the gift - the ones I know of are sandals and certain cruise lines like royal caribbean.  Those do not bother me nearly as much (though I do prefer for the bride/groom to pay for their own vacation) since you actually get what the guest think she's buying.  Ultimately, I'd probably nix the HM idea altogether and register at a place like amazon if you want some untraditional gifts - you can always register for travel guides, beach towels, etc. if you want a few items for your HM.</div>
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  • Yeah when I first heard of HM registries a few years ago when we weren't even engaged yet, I thought, "Awesome idea! We can register for nice dinners and such on our HM. I want to do this."

    Then a friend got married with a HM registry and I investigated further and found out I was just giving her cash minus a percentage. I could've just put a check in an envelope if I wanted to give her cash and she would've gotten the full amount that way. Ever since then, I've been anti-HM registry. I fear that many guests who give to them thought like I did at the beginning and have no idea how they truly work,, which is too bad. I have a feeling some brides and grooms don't even know how they truly work.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:ccc64c30-1ae2-4538-a679-1bdafca6999c">Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry : Yay an OP who finally listened to reason!  OP, no worries about being sucked in - HM registries sound great until you read the fine print.  <strong>You can see if your HM destination is one of the few places that actually does provide a voucher for the gift</strong> - the ones I know of are sandals and certain cruise lines like royal caribbean.  Those do not bother me nearly as much (though I do prefer for the bride/groom to pay for their own vacation) since you actually get what the guest think she's buying.  Ultimately, I'd probably nix the HM idea altogether and register at a place like amazon if you want some untraditional gifts - you can always register for travel guides, beach towels, etc. if you want a few items for your HM.
    Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

    What happens if you don't use the cvoucher though?  Do you lose it entirely or do they give you the cash equivalent?
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  • There are lots of websites that charge a fee to use them. There are a couple that do not charge a fee unless you use paypal such as Honeyfund.

    You do in fact get cash with a certificate towards what you are supposed to use it for.


    Emily Post Institute on Etiquette has several times mentioned that they approve of Honeymoon Registries as long as they are done appropriately. They likened it to a registry at a store which 60 years ago was thought to be dreadfully rude and couldn't believe people were doing that and requesting a guest give them a specific item.

    I have posted these links multiple times on multiple boards in regards to etiquette and honeymoon registries:

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2009/02/13/DI2009021302827.html

    http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/725-vermont-vows-the-registry-


    Once again I am going to get ignored/attacked though. All I am requesting is that instead of saying all the negative say both sides and tell people that if they want to do them make sure they don't use one of those websites and do so with tact and not rude.

    Also here is a great tacky at the top of the Registry board that talks about them. Gives both the negative and positives of both sides and is not rude about it.
    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_thinking-of-honeymoon-registry-2

    image
    06.09.2012

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:b4eb0524-497c-4584-a25c-bc4bb75759c2">Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry : What happens if you don't use the cvoucher though?  Do you lose it entirely or do they give you the cash equivalent?
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Not positive on this, but I thikn you lose it if you don't use it.  When we were looking at booking  a cruise through royal caribbean a few months ago, I clicked on the HM registy info through them just out of curiosity, since I had never seen one linked to a company before.  They basically give you a card saying, "you have 1 free dinner at ..." or they have the champagne in your room when you get there, etc.  I didn't investigate further, but it basically sounds like it's a gift and you can take it or leave it.  But I don't think you get a cash refund if you don't use it.  Could be wrong though.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:0756111b-a5cd-4ddb-97ae-a11d54df088e">Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm interested in hearing from brides who registered for a honeymoon gift registry. <strong>Did your guest purchase gifts from the honeymoon registry?</strong> I'm not interested in hearing options about whether this is right or wrong, as noted in some of the other posts. My future mother in law found a Miss Manners article saying that it is perfectly acceptable with today's gift registries. But I'm interested in hearing if guests were on board with the idea. Also, did you register for other gifts and were they more likely to use the traditional registry? Thanks in advance.
    Posted by jeaninekrier[/QUOTE]

    I had a traditional registry. However, my friend got married this past March and used a HM registry. I bought from it because it was what she wanted and I wanted them to be happy. I didn't care that the site took a portion. And from what I heard, the majority of her guests did the same. I don't know what their opinions were on it, but they did buy from it.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
  • EK2013EK2013 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:2b041dcb-c405-4870-befa-48aacf509654Post:9e5c32e1-2a9b-484b-b6d0-841940abbdff">Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Gift Registry : Not positive on this, but I thikn you lose it if you don't use it.  When we were looking at booking  a cruise through royal caribbean a few months ago, I clicked on the HM registy info through them just out of curiosity, since I had never seen one linked to a company before.  They basically give you a card saying, "you have 1 free dinner at ..." or they have the champagne in your room when you get there, etc.  I didn't investigate further, but it basically sounds like it's a gift and you can take it or leave it.  But I don't think you get a cash refund if you don't use it.  Could be wrong though.
    Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

    <div>I just cruised on RC, and the things that were purchased for us (NOT from a HM registry; from the relative who booked the cruise) showed up in our room as gifts the first night (though it looked like the relative could have specified which night things arrived). There would've been no way to "return" any of the gifts from the relative--the wine was already on ice! (And it was delicious ;) )
    </div>
    <div>Not sure how/if they handle gifted excursions, though, since our gifts were all items. If they accept "returns" at all, I would imagine it would be credit toward a different excursion/ship account?</div>
  • OK - so I don't want to re-hash the topic of whether a HM registry is rude, etc.   BUT I would like to know from anyone who has USED a HM registry which one they used and would they reco that particular site?  Was it easy to use, setup, look nice etc.

    Thanks!
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