Registering and Gifts

Donations to charity?

So, FI and I are doing a pretty small registry- we've both had places of our own, and there's not very much stuff we need to upgrade or update.  We also don't really need cash (we're both lawyers).  FI really wants to add a section to the registry information on our website suggesting that in lieu of gifts, guests consider donations to a charity that's really meaningful to both of us (a local legal aid provider).  He wants to make a page with a link to our small registry, and then also include a link to this organization's donation page with a little note.

I have no objection to this, exactly, but I'm sort of afraid that this is too similar to asking for cash- since it's still asking for money, even if it's not money for us, does it fall under the super-rude "asking for cash" category?  If so, I'd be satisfied with just taking whatever cash gifts we recieve and donating them on our own, but FI really likes the idea of letting the guests choose to donate or not if possible. 

What do you all think?  Is it rude to put up a link suggesting charitable donations on our website?  Is there a better way to do it?  Just pass on the info through the people guests might typically contact about the wedding?  I just have no idea what, if anything, the etiquette is here.  Thanks.

Re: Donations to charity?

  • In Response to Re: Donations to charity?:
    I think it's considered rude because it may not be a charity your guests support.
    Posted by edielaura
    This exactly! 

    Plus, it's the same as asking for gifts.
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  • Dissenting opinion here. I think it is a wonderful and generous choice. And if your friends and family share your values, they will likely feel the same way.

    But I'm aware that mine is an unpopular opinion. I still can't really understand why people get so offended by this. It's such a selfless and generous thing you and your fiance want to do...

    And as for the notion that some people do not support the charity... It's not like it's mandatory. You're just giving the option. If guests choose, they can buy you something from your registry, or write you a cheque, or buy you something else. So I really don't see the problem. Giving them the option seems good to me. I've always been impressed with my friends who have done this.

    As for the argument that there's no point because charities don't effectively use donations for the causes they purport to fund, well... I think this is a cop out espoused by people looking for excuses to not donate to charities. Sure there are bogus and mismanaged charities out there... but there are also a LOT of wonderful charitable organizations. A LOT. Many not-for-profit charities depend on donations and do in fact use them effectively and efficiently and appropriately.
  • In Response to Re: Donations to charity?:
    Dissenting opinion here. I think it is a wonderful and generous choice. And if your friends and family share your values, they will likely feel the same way. But I'm aware that mine is an unpopular opinion. I still can't really understand why people get so offended by this. It's such a selfless and generous thing you and your fiance want to do... And as for the notion that some people do not support the charity... It's not like it's mandatory. You're just giving the option. If guests choose, they can buy you something from your registry, or write you a cheque, or buy you something else. So I really don't see the problem. Giving them the option seems good to me. I've always been impressed with my friends who have done this. As for the argument that there's no point because charities don't effectively use donations for the causes they purport to fund, well... I think this is a cop out espoused by people looking for excuses to not donate to charities. Sure there are bogus and mismanaged charities out there... but there are also a LOT of wonderful charitable organizations. A LOT. Many not-for-profit charities depend on donations and do in fact use them effectively and efficiently and appropriately.
    Posted by gananoque
    I was raised to be generous but modest.  Saying, "hey everyone, please donate to charity instead of giving us presents" just seems weird to me.  I would rather commit to donating a certain amount of the cash gifts received at the wedding to charities of my and my H's choosing.  

  • Just take the cash gifts you receive and donate it yourself.
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  • "But I'm aware that mine is an unpopular opinion. I still can't really understand why people get so offended by this. It's such a selfless and generous thing you and your fiance want to do... " How is it selfless and generous of you and fiance if its your GUESTS donating money to YOUR choice of charity?
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  • KatieK501KatieK501
    100 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    Is registering for items that you want from a store(s) not like saying "I expect you to buy me a gift"? Or "I expect you to buy me a gift AND I don't trust your opinion, so please buy me one of these things"?

    I don't understand why it's taboo to say "I'm honored you'd like to buy me a gift, but we have more than we need; so if you still want to honor us, I'd rather it go to such and such charity".
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