Honeymoon travel gift registry

autumfaith

This is a second wedding for me and my FI.  We merged two households when we moved in together and have more than enough stuff.... in addition, we are moving across country immediately after the wedding and can only take what will fit in the car with us and two big dogs!  What we would really like is to set up a travel gift registry that would allow guests who want to give a gift to help us fund our honeymoon trip to Scotland in a few months.  Anyone have experience with this?  I would really like some advice... the online sites seem easy but I hate that a portion of the gift goes to the site.  Is there any other way to do it?  Do banks do this?   Help!
TIA

squirrly

Please read all of the other gazillion posts on this subject, because I've typed my answer repeatedly.

No, there's no GOOD way to do this.  Don't register.  Word of mouth.  And - are you not taking furniture when you move?  If you have two full households, I do NOT understand.  A blender will fit i a uhaul along with your sofa.

Brie2010

Many people find honeymoon registries tacky and rude.  It's essentially saying, "give me cash to go on our sexfest vacation."

I would just create a very small registry for people who insist on giving boxed gifts, and everyone else will probably just give you cash you can put toward the honeymoon anyway.  If people ask where you're registered, you can just say "We have a small registry at X, and we're also saving for our Scottish honeymoon."  Most of your guests should know you're moving anyway and will get the hint.

banana468

Honestly, because this is your and your FI's second wedding, IMO that also means that unless your first marriages ended on dire terms, you don't register or have showers as they are really gauche. 

MyNameIsNot

I agree.  Registries and showers are inappropriate the second time around, since you've already done all that and don't need anything for your home. 

If people want to help with your trip, they will give you cash.

lovebug30012

Maybe you could register for a few small gifts and some giftcards to use once you move into your new home.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I agree with other PPs. But where in Scotland are you thinking of going? I might be able to give you some travel tips. I was just there in August and FI and I had a blast.

autumfaith

WOW.... this is my first post and will definitely be my last.  Didn't realize I should have put it in the SNARKY BRIDES column.   I was asking for advice because people are ASKING my mother where we are registered because they would like to get us a gift.  GET IT??? They are asking for the information.  And Squirrly, your post is too stupid to even respond to- obviously we're not taking a uhaul with us or it wouldn't be an issue.   I don't mean to shock you or anything, but that's not the only way people move. 

banana468

Autumnfaith, I gave you advice based on proper etiquette.  There's no reason to respond back with snippy attacks.

Why not just say, "Oh, we already have everything we could want."

And then hopefully people infer from that statement that giving cash would be lovely.

However from an etiquette standpoint, registries, showers and big 2nd weddings are just not appropriate.

flutgrl1

I always pick off a HM registry as opposed to a traditional registry. I know people on these boards hate them....but I love them. To me being told which toaster to buy is more annoying/offensive.

MyNameIsNot

The only person that has been rude or snarky in this post is you, OP. 

I'm sorry that it comes as a shock to you that what you want to do is rude.  However, it's better to find out from us than to accidently embarrass yourself or offend friends and relatives.  You got excellent advice.  Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear didn't make it bad. 

2xtime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-travel-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:351f10ea-fae8-4d44-a12d-9f2c107c5da2Post:d54b3dd3-1540-4294-8050-6f81a84088b2">Re: Honeymoon travel gift registry</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW.... this is my first post and will definitely be my last.  Didn't realize I should have put it in the SNARKY BRIDES column.   I was asking for advice because people are ASKING my mother where we are registered because they would like to get us a gift.  GET IT??? They are asking for the information.  And Squirrly, your post is too stupid to even respond to- obviously we're not taking a uhaul with us or it wouldn't be an issue.   I don't mean to shock you or anything, but that's not the only way people move. 
Posted by autumfaith[/QUOTE]

Oh please! Why is it when a OP does not get the answer they want, we are "snarky? People are being honest with you and trying to share proper etiquette rules.  If you don't agree or want to use the advice, that is entirely your choice. No need to come back and berate people who are just trying to help you.

chosen175

I would also purchase something off a honeymoon registry before I bought from a traditional registry.  Giving a toaster is boring - giving someone the opportunity to swim with dolphins or tour a centuries old castle is FABULOUS!

That being said, I know I'm in the minority with this one.  My advice, if you plan on doing the HM registry, is to either do a small registry at a store you can shop at when you move or to just tell people that you're not registered anywhere due to your impending move and inability to transport everything.  Hopefully they'll get the hint.

And to whoever said 2nd weddings are tacky and shouldn't be celebrated like a first wedding is - that's just wrong.  ALL love is beautiful and should be celebrated!  Maybe OP's first marriage was abusive or ended in the death of her spouse.  Does that mean she doesn't "deserve" a second chance at love?  No.  And if people find that tacky, they must have a heart even smaller than the Grinch's. 

MyNameIsNot

No one ever said second weddings are tacky.  You should re-read the post.  The statement is that showers and registries are tacky the second time around.  Your friends and family already did all the big gifts the second time around, thus, OP has a full house and doesn't need anything.  It would be inapproriate to expect people to give another round of gifts.

chosen175

Well, if you would both reread what MY post said, you will realize that you cut off the second half of that sentence, thereby changing the entire meaning of the quote and what I was trying to say.  For a refresher, I said:

And to whoever said 2nd weddings are tacky and shouldn't be celebrated like a first wedding is - that's just wrong.

My point was that regardless of how many times a person is married, it should still be a special occasion and therefore any sort of reception is definitely appropriate.  Never did I say I expected a second wedding to have a shower, b-party, etc.  What I said is that all love deserves to be celebrated.  And how other people choose to celebrate that love is up to them.  You do not need a shower for people to want to give you a gift - I bring a gift to every single wedding I attend.
 
I know that the HM registry posts get everyone's panties in a wad.  I also know that I'm usually attacked for saying that I like them.  So be it; I could care less what a bunch of strangers think about my opinion.  But I'm not going to change my opinion, and I'm not about to say that I hate HM registries just because a bunch of internet strangers tell me I'm "supposed" to think they're tacky.  Buying from a HM registry is NO DIFFERENT than buying from any other registry - you're still getting someone a gift THEY said they want and THEY will use.  What other people would like to have/use is none of my business.  I've seen plenty of registries with the UGLIEST stuff on there that I would never in a million years want to spend my hard-earned money on - but it's what THEY want, not me, so I buy it for them.  And guess what? THEY love it, even if  I don't.  And isn't that what matters?

OP, I still haven't changed my mind - I say GO FOR IT!  Just be prepared for your guests to not purchase any of the things on your registry.... regardless of what type of registry it is. 

moushi1579

This is my first time reading this board, but I read this thread and thought I'd respond with my 2 cents. I've known a ton of people that have done this, because now it is more common for couples to live together before they're married and they already have everything. I know of some people that booked their honeymoon through a travel agent, and people were able to contact the agent to "give their gift" toward the honeymoon. They also put the info on a wedding website so guests had the info...

In terms of your guests thinking it's tacky, my MOH once told me-- "are you inviting people to your wedding to judge you? Or to witness the best day of your life?" I don't think your guests should/would judge you based on your registry, and if they are, maybe you shouldn't be inviting them to your wedding!

I've actually read quite a few articles that say it's now becomming more accepted to do a honeymoon registry. I know it's a taboo subject, and people will always disagree when it comes to etiquette-- it's just difference of opinion. If all you need is cash or money toward your honeymoon - in reality, how is asking for that any different than asking someone to buy you a toaster? Just because it's not the tradition doesn't mean it's "wrong."

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-travel-gift-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:351f10ea-fae8-4d44-a12d-9f2c107c5da2Post:d54b3dd3-1540-4294-8050-6f81a84088b2">Re: Honeymoon travel gift registry</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW.... this is my first post and will definitely be my last.  Didn't realize I should have put it in the SNARKY BRIDES column.   I was asking for advice because people are ASKING my mother where we are registered because they would like to get us a gift.  GET IT??? They are asking for the information.  And Squirrly, your post is too stupid to even respond to- obviously we're not taking a uhaul with us or it wouldn't be an issue.   I don't mean to shock you or anything, but that's not the only way people move. 
Posted by autumfaith[/QUOTE]

It's cute how you totally over reacted.

Karen's MOH

My sister's husband asked if he could register at Citi-Bank. (He got a big fat NO all around).

I happen to like the idea of HM registries, but it's true that a lot of people think it's tacky. However, I have never actually been to a wedding with one, and if I did see it, I would probably give them cash with a note that I hope they can use it towards the honeymoon or something, so they would get the whole of it and the registry wouldn't take a cut of my hard earned money.

PPs may be right etiquette-wise about second weddings and registries/showers, but that doesn't mean I like or agree with it. I would think anyone you are inviting would be so happy that you both found love again that no one would judge you for registering, etc. I assume your first wedding was a while ago now. Good luck no matter what you decide.

umdchic17

Wow. I just joined The Knot and this is the first forum that I've read. I clicked on it, excited to get ideas for registries, and am in shock at how rude people are on here. According to many reliable etiquette sources, a honeymoon registry is acceptable (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2009/02/13/DI2009021302827.html, http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121020123458375115.html)

I would trust these sources more than a public forum, for very obvious reasons. 

I've had friends do honeymoon registries and I've always chosen to purchase off of these over their traditional registries.  Sure, their grandparents probably go the traditional route, but that is why you offer it as well. In the end, you know your family and friends better than the people on this website do, and you know if they'll be offended or think its a great idea.  

For my fiance and I personally, not only do I know that our family and friends won't be offended, I also know they'll love the idea and think it is very us. First off, my fiance is in the Army, so we'll move a lot and the less to lug around, the better.  Second, we are big travelers. In our 3 years together we have been to 14 countries together. We are known for our senses of adventure and culture (Iwork in international development, so sometimes he joins me for work trips and we travel wayyyy out there, ex: Zambia), and our families and friends all admire that about us. They're already talking about how they can't wait to see where this next trip takes us!

So basically, ignore the rude bridezillas and do what you think is best for you. Only you really know your own relationships with family and friends!

banana468

Right, what UMDCHICK won't tell you is that even Anna post stated that many people aren't fond of honeymoon registries and therefore IF you have one you should have an additional one.  And the Emily Post institute recommends one but the general consensus is that they've butchered the great job Emily did.

Furthermore, what many of us are saying is that it's really not appropriate at all to register for a 2nd wedding.   That doesn't make us 'bridezillas' (because calling names is very nice you know) but it DOES make us people who really think that following proper etiquette is important.

umdchic17

Um, actually I did say to do a traditional one as well.... "Sure, their grandparents probably go the traditional route, but that is why you offer it as well. "

And I decided not to address the 2nd marriage issue. Love is love and should always be celebrated. If people don't want to buy something for them because they think it's wrong to do for a 2nd marriage, then they won't. But most people like the guidelines of the registry and would like to give a gift to show how happy they are that these people were lucky enough to find love again.

banana468

And everyone else is too afraid to give an honest opinion without the dogs breathing down their necks.

Is it really appropriate to presume the sentiments of others who don't post?  That others aren't saying it's acceptable does not mean that tons of other people find the practice to be OK.  It may very well mean what this post is stating - that the overwhelming majority simply find honeymoon registries to be in bad taste.