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Honey-do shower?

My FI's best friends (husband and wife) want to throw us a honey-do shower. I am just not sure what to expect with this and what etiquette is involved. MOH is already throwing a bridal shower and co-workers another so I know that his friends want to have something to include him and I am totally on board with that. However, I was trying to research this type of shower a little bit and can't seem to find out anything as far as what to expect. My FI LOVES tools and he's a total handyman, so I know this sort of thing would be appealing to him. But he is asking to register for this stuff and to me that seems inappropriate. We have two registries now. One at Bed Bath and Beyond for the out of towners and one at a local boutique for our dishes and crystal and that sort of thing.  I hate to open another registry for just tools and such but at the same time, FI has a shop worth of stuff already so I know he would want to get stuff he needed and not like 6 hammers for example. I also read that you shouldn't duplicate shower guests so I am not sure who they are planning to invite. I don't want them to invite the same people and make me feel like we're soliciting multiple gifts from our family and friends. But I am not planning this thing and it's his friends, so I feel I should stay out of it. But does anyone know what to do for this sort of shower? Am I being weird? I mean is registering for the man gifts acceptable? I live in the South, so I am trying to be a stickler for etiquette LOL Please help!

Re: Honey-do shower?

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    edited August 2010
    [QUOTE]My FI's best friends (husband and wife) want to throw us a honey-do shower. I am just not sure what to expect with this and what etiquette is involved. MOH is already throwing a bridal shower and co-workers another so I know that his friends want to have something to include him and I am totally on board with that. However, I was trying to research this type of shower a little bit and can't seem to find out anything as far as what to expect. My FI LOVES tools and he's a total handyman, so I know this sort of thing would be appealing to him. But he is asking to register for this stuff and to me that seems inappropriate. We have two registries now. One at Bed Bath and Beyond for the out of towners and one at a local boutique for our dishes and crystal and that sort of thing.  I hate to open another registry for just tools and such but at the same time, FI has a shop worth of stuff already so I know he would want to get stuff he needed and not like 6 hammers for example. I also read that you shouldn't duplicate shower guests so I am not sure who they are planning to invite. I don't want them to invite the same people and make me feel like we're soliciting multiple gifts from our family and friends. But I am not planning this thing and it's his friends, so I feel I should stay out of it. But does anyone know what to do for this sort of shower? Am I being weird? I mean is registering for the man gifts acceptable? I live in the South, so <strong>I am trying to be a stickler for etiquette </strong>LOL Please help!
    Posted by ldn1824[/QUOTE]
    Good to hear!

    A couple thoughts about this. First off I've not heard that you shouldn't duplicate shower guests, but then again I've not heard much about what's the proper etiquette when multiple showers are involved - or even if etiquette permits that. So if it turns out that multiples with the same guests <em>are</em> okay, I'd say that, as adults, those invited can choose to attend either one, both, or neither.
    (ETA: I found out that multiple showers are okay, duplicate guests are not.)

    Or, if the guests are going to be the same anyway, would it be possible for the hosts to put their heads and their funds together and have a coed shower? I think it's perfectly acceptable for men to register for gifts, and this way the guests can choose to buy a gift for the bride, the groom, or both. Not that FI wouldn't enjoy getting the crystal and china, but if he really loves something in particular then I think he should have just as much a chance to receive it as the bride.

    I feel like my post made more sense in my mind. But I hope at least some of it helped :^)
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    Are they planning for this to be a co-ed shower?  You are correct that inviting the same people to multiple showers is improper, but if they are just inviting guys then I would imagine it wouldn't be the same people.

    Registering for tools is totally fine.  There is no rule that you can only register for the old "traditional" gifts.  As long as it's something that will help around the home for the two of you to start your life together, it's acceptable to pretty much anybody.  Registering for tools isn't really any different than registering for a mixer in that respect.  (The true traditionalists would say that you should only register for things that come in groups to make sure you get the same pattern, so you would never register for, say, kitchen appliances.  Everybody else abandoned that idea long ago.)
    Married 10/2/10
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    We created a tool registry for FI at Sears.  Yes he has tools already, but tools to guys are kinda like shoes to women - can you ever say you have enough?  (kidding)  Some friends of FILs are throwing us a co-ed shower up in Fort Worth (where FI lives.)  This is a good way for his friends up there to be included.  The more traditional bridal shower will be here in Houston with mainly my friends & family, and some of his family as well.

    As for double inviting this happened with my showers, but only because I just found out about the co-ed shower and the invites for the other bridal shower had already been done.  The only double invites are the hostesses for the co-ed shower, and his mother, and his sisters (who are in the WP.)
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    Thank you!! This will make his day! lol It will be a coed shower but I am thinking it will be the same people only because most of his couple friends live very far away and won't be able to attend any showers. There will be a few that will most likely make it from OOT that probably would come to that one versus the bridal one. So I think we may get a mix, but I just didn't want to invite all the same people. Is it rude for me to get with her and make sure? I know our parents coming would be good since our fathers aren't coming to the bridal. I just hate to have the same people feel obligated to attend two showers. But I know I am close to these people, so if they have a problem with it, they can choose not to attend. I really need to stop stressing over this stuff I think. lol Thank you all for your very helpful replies!
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    nhoncellnhoncell member
    First Comment
    edited August 2010
    So I am southern to the core. Our theme for our wedding is Georgia Southern Traditions. However, it is considered rude to invite the same guest to multiple showers but only because you don't want them to feel obligated to buy another gift. In saying that I will also tell you that everyone of my friends that have been married have had a bridal shower and a couples shower and as tradition goes I was invited to the bridal shower and we were invited to the couples shower. This is totally acceptable! Then they were also smart and on the couples shower invites they only had where the couples were registered at like Lowes or Home Depot which was not on the Bridal shower invites. Plus I am from a small town which means sometimes couples have several parties/showers and everyone is invited to a few of them. We kind of just decide ok when we go to this one we will take a gift and this one a card. Really we just love socials and celebrating the gift is just a plus! So I say let him get some new toys and enjoy that you have multiple groups that love you both and want to celebrate your relationship! Good Luck!
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    edited August 2010
    [QUOTE]<strong>You are correct that inviting the same people to multiple showers is improper, but if they are just inviting guys then I would imagine it wouldn't be the same people.</strong> [/QUOTE]
    Thank you, I was wasn't entirely sure about that. And I'd think as well that there wouldn't be any overlap if it's separate parties. I edited my answer above.
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    nhoncell-Thanks for your reply that was helpful and we are from a small town as well so your situation is quite similar to ours. Just one more question though, I thought it was considered a huge faux pas to put the registry information on the shower invites. Is this wrong? Or is it just old school and nobody minds anymore? I am an older bride so I think I am old fashioned and just not up to date on how things are done anymore. I also lived in California for many years and it seems like they aren't as particular out there. lol No offense to anyone on the west coast! I just mean they are much more relaxed with these things than we southerners seem to be or at least in my circle of friends it was. I was the only one who wouldn't wear white after Labor Day! haha But I also grew up with a very particular mother and grandmother, so I think I have a complex. My FI tells me all the time that I really need to lighten up! ha
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    LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2010
    You can put registry info on shower invites, since the purpose of a shower is to bring a gift. You just can't put it on wedding invites :)

    ETA-- you don't put it on the shower invites, since you don't host your own shower. The host/hostess does, though.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honey-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:38d11a71-3352-4c21-9a16-0d14e1182df3Post:00266aae-91bd-4426-947a-5c58f80c1723">Re: Honey-do shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]nhoncell-Thanks for your reply that was helpful and we are from a small town as well so your situation is quite similar to ours. Just one more question though, I thought it was considered a huge faux pas to put the registry information on the shower invites. Is this wrong? Or is it just old school and nobody minds anymore? I am an older bride so I think I am old fashioned and just not up to date on how things are done anymore. I also lived in California for many years and it seems like they aren't as particular out there. lol No offense to anyone on the west coast! I just mean they are much more relaxed with these things than we southerners seem to be or at least in my circle of friends it was. I was the only one who wouldn't wear white after Labor Day! haha But I also grew up with a very particular mother and grandmother, so I think I have a complex. My FI tells me all the time that I really need to lighten up! ha
    Posted by ldn1824[/QUOTE]
    HaHa my Granny and Mom would not let me wear white after Labor Day either. How old is a older bride? I will be 30 in a matter of weeks! But back to the question in the South we have lots to talk about as you know the saying "the mouth of the south" so generally I have not seen very many shower invites with registry info on them. Generally the MOH, BM's and family tell by word of mouth and it travels pretty fast! I have seen a few but it is such small print as to not be rude. My FI tells me to lighten up too but I tell him he doesn't have to go to the grocery store and see everyone in town! If you did something that someone didn't approve of you would know before you left there! Thats just a fact! lol
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    haha exactly! It's like you can just see people shaking their heads but they wouldn't say it to your face. Older is 37 lol I am 37 and he is 39. It's not my first marriage (was married once when I was 23 for 3 years) but it is his first marriage. I think what bothers me the most is that I feel it's wrong to be going through all of this since I was married before, but he wants to do EVERYTHING and as traditionally as possible. I feel we're too old for some of this cheesiness, but I am trying to be understanding and make him happy. I mean I don't want my picture in the town newspaper and he does. Things like that. I am trying hard to let him get his way because he is so into all this traditional stuff but I would be happier down playing it a bit. But I knew I was marrying a sentimental cheese ball and I love him for it. lol But some of this for me is just too much, but I can't say no to him.Anyway I digress. Back to the registry issue, our local boutique publishes registries in the newspaper so that one will be obvious. The BB&B one I think should be word of mouth. If he does end up registering for some handyman things for the Honey-do shower then if they want to include that on the invite I guess I won't worry about it.
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    [QUOTE]<strong> I thought it was considered a huge faux pas to put the registry information on the shower invites.</strong>
    Posted by ldn1824[/QUOTE]
    Not at all! I think you're thinking of wedding invites? That's the faux pas. PP was right that you don't send out your own shower invites though.
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    Okay thanks, maybe that was it! I would never put it on the invites lol
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    I don't think having three registries is too much at all.  It's pretty standard.  Also, you have no say in this party. Someone else is throwing it for you.  So, I don't really think you get to control what happens.  Just relax about it.  You have enough to plan with your wedding.  Enjoy the party however it turns out to be.   
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