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Registry and Gift Forum
Honey-do shower?
My FI's best friends (husband and wife) want to throw us a honey-do shower. I am just not sure what to expect with this and what etiquette is involved. MOH is already throwing a bridal shower and co-workers another so I know that his friends want to have something to include him and I am totally on board with that. However, I was trying to research this type of shower a little bit and can't seem to find out anything as far as what to expect. My FI LOVES tools and he's a total handyman, so I know this sort of thing would be appealing to him. But he is asking to register for this stuff and to me that seems inappropriate. We have two registries now. One at Bed Bath and Beyond for the out of towners and one at a local boutique for our dishes and crystal and that sort of thing. I hate to open another registry for just tools and such but at the same time, FI has a shop worth of stuff already so I know he would want to get stuff he needed and not like 6 hammers for example. I also read that you shouldn't duplicate shower guests so I am not sure who they are planning to invite. I don't want them to invite the same people and make me feel like we're soliciting multiple gifts from our family and friends. But I am not planning this thing and it's his friends, so I feel I should stay out of it. But does anyone know what to do for this sort of shower? Am I being weird? I mean is registering for the man gifts acceptable? I live in the South, so I am trying to be a stickler for etiquette LOL Please help!
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Re: Honey-do shower?
Posted by ldn1824[/QUOTE]
Good to hear!
A couple thoughts about this. First off I've not heard that you shouldn't duplicate shower guests, but then again I've not heard much about what's the proper etiquette when multiple showers are involved - or even if etiquette permits that. So if it turns out that multiples with the same guests <em>are</em> okay, I'd say that, as adults, those invited can choose to attend either one, both, or neither.
(ETA: I found out that multiple showers are okay, duplicate guests are not.)
Or, if the guests are going to be the same anyway, would it be possible for the hosts to put their heads and their funds together and have a coed shower? I think it's perfectly acceptable for men to register for gifts, and this way the guests can choose to buy a gift for the bride, the groom, or both. Not that FI wouldn't enjoy getting the crystal and china, but if he really loves something in particular then I think he should have just as much a chance to receive it as the bride.
I feel like my post made more sense in my mind. But I hope at least some of it helped :^)
Registering for tools is totally fine. There is no rule that you can only register for the old "traditional" gifts. As long as it's something that will help around the home for the two of you to start your life together, it's acceptable to pretty much anybody. Registering for tools isn't really any different than registering for a mixer in that respect. (The true traditionalists would say that you should only register for things that come in groups to make sure you get the same pattern, so you would never register for, say, kitchen appliances. Everybody else abandoned that idea long ago.)
As for double inviting this happened with my showers, but only because I just found out about the co-ed shower and the invites for the other bridal shower had already been done. The only double invites are the hostesses for the co-ed shower, and his mother, and his sisters (who are in the WP.)
Thank you, I was wasn't entirely sure about that. And I'd think as well that there wouldn't be any overlap if it's separate parties. I edited my answer above.
ETA-- you don't put it on the shower invites, since you don't host your own shower. The host/hostess does, though.
[QUOTE]nhoncell-Thanks for your reply that was helpful and we are from a small town as well so your situation is quite similar to ours. Just one more question though, I thought it was considered a huge faux pas to put the registry information on the shower invites. Is this wrong? Or is it just old school and nobody minds anymore? I am an older bride so I think I am old fashioned and just not up to date on how things are done anymore. I also lived in California for many years and it seems like they aren't as particular out there. lol No offense to anyone on the west coast! I just mean they are much more relaxed with these things than we southerners seem to be or at least in my circle of friends it was. I was the only one who wouldn't wear white after Labor Day! haha But I also grew up with a very particular mother and grandmother, so I think I have a complex. My FI tells me all the time that I really need to lighten up! ha
Posted by ldn1824[/QUOTE]
HaHa my Granny and Mom would not let me wear white after Labor Day either. How old is a older bride? I will be 30 in a matter of weeks! But back to the question in the South we have lots to talk about as you know the saying "the mouth of the south" so generally I have not seen very many shower invites with registry info on them. Generally the MOH, BM's and family tell by word of mouth and it travels pretty fast! I have seen a few but it is such small print as to not be rude. My FI tells me to lighten up too but I tell him he doesn't have to go to the grocery store and see everyone in town! If you did something that someone didn't approve of you would know before you left there! Thats just a fact! lol
Posted by ldn1824[/QUOTE]
Not at all! I think you're thinking of wedding invites? That's the faux pas. PP was right that you don't send out your own shower invites though.