SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!!

MJH919

SECOND marriage for both ... please no more towels!!

Hello folks,
I need a bit of help ... HONEY and I will be getting married spring 2010 - this is our 2nd marriage, and we really HAVE EVERYTHING we need! 

WE have just bought and moved into a new house and would LOVE cash gifts from our guest so we could work on paying down the mortgage. I an distressed see from reading through the message board - that asking for cash (for any reason) is seen as rude. My master plan has now been busted - HELP!!

For my first wedding (over 15 years ago) I neglected to include gift registry information and for some strange reason I got a multitude of towel sets (in every color and lace design imaginable)!!  Maybe it was a popular gift idea back then - but I don't need a repeat of that crazy-gift-experience this go round!  LOL

I'm open to any and all suggestions!
Thanks bunches

Brie2010

Create a small registry of upgrades.  You may have towels, but towels wear out, so register for extra, super-deluxe nice towels.  There's a sticky at the top of the forum called "Don't know what to register for?" that might give you ideas.

When people ask you where you're registered, you can say, "We have a small registry at X store, but we are also saving for a new house/home renovations/whatever."  Most people will get the picture and give you cash.

MyNameIsNot

A registry and shower is generally a faux pas the second time around. 

Don't register.  If people ask, you can say that you are saving up for home improvement.  Those so inclined will give cash.  Be gratious and thank those that chose to give you any gift they choose to give you.

MNVegas

Since you just bought a new home, how about a small Lowes or Home Depot registry. A small traditional registry is advised for guest who want to buy actual gift. Chances are your guests will know you just bought a house and will give cash, but you should not expect or ASK for cash from guests. Also since this is your second marriage, you could forego gifts since some people you are inviting already gave a wedding gift prior.

FI & I are a second marriage and are letting people know gifts are not necessary. If someone really wants to get us something, we will have a small registry set up, but only give out info to those we know want to give a gift. We have everything we need, actually 2 of everything because we also have a summer home, but I am sure we can still find things we need.

baby green bird

don't do a registry, register for upgrades or register at home improvement places. perhaps you could use some things for repairs, gardening or the like?

fallbride1109

While I agree that a shower and/or gifts for a second marriage is a faux pas, those of you who haven't been married before should realize that it doesn't stop people from asking what you want and where you are registered.  Family and friends that love you want to give you gifts at your wedding--they don't care that it's your second or not, especially if many years have passed in between. 

That being said, I agree with the PP.  Just create a small registry of upgrades, entertaining items, etc. Your family/friends know your situation and will probably just give you cash anyway. 

gottahavashorti

Make a small registry for upgrades - nicer sheets, dishes if some of yours have broken, newer kitchen electrics.  Or register for home improvement supplies at Sears (I think Home Depot and Lowes both discontinued their registries). 

Have your family and WP spread by word of mouth that you have everything you need and have just purchased a new house.  I think that doing that, in combination with a small registry of Sears tools, would indicate that you have all the physical belongings you need.

As with your first wedding, do not include registry information in the invitations.

brimcleod

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-marriage-please-towels?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:5f7a8401-da12-4c40-9e53-bd862928cf31Post:de2819bb-882f-47eb-8fde-13bf53d10151">SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!!</a>:
[QUOTE]his is our 2nd marriage, and we really HAVE EVERYTHING we need!  WE have just bought and moved into a new house and would LOVE cash gifts from our guest so we could work on paying down the mortgage. I an distressed see from reading through the message board - that asking for cash (for any reason) is seen as rude. My master plan has now been busted - HELP!! F
Posted by MJH919[/QUOTE]

Girl, these other brides can tend to be very different than the people I know. Personally, I think cash is a great thing to request, and many of your guests will feel relieved that they just need to make a trip to the ATM, and not bother with registry nonsense. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> But what do I know?

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-marriage-please-towels?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:5f7a8401-da12-4c40-9e53-bd862928cf31Post:a7b37f75-7bcb-474c-82e8-5612ee4783a4">Re: SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!! : Girl, these other brides can tend to be very different than the people I know. Personally, I think cash is a great thing to request, and many of your guests will feel relieved that they just need to make a trip to the ATM, and not bother with registry nonsense. But what do I know?
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]

Girrrl... I don't care to see your Twitter as a sig.  Jus' sayin'.  Internet safety isn't your forte, among other things, eh?

fallbride1109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-marriage-please-towels?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:5f7a8401-da12-4c40-9e53-bd862928cf31Post:5ac79487-21b7-4f3a-8ad6-3125f8e56b96">Re: SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!! : Our friends also asked us what kind of prices to expect for the cash bar.  Just because people still expect it doesn't mean that it's correct by etiquette or polite at all. I am not against showers or registries for second weddings mind you (and I think the other ladies' suggestions are great ones), but just wanted to point out that those of us "just on our first marriage" aren't completely out of touch from reality.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Since when is offering to give a gift impolite?  You neglected to quote the second part of my response which is--the people that love and care about you still want to give you gifts whether its "correct by etiquette" or not.  

The point I was making is, people getting married for the second time are still asked where they are registered and people like the original poster still need advice on what to do other than to tell their family and friends how tacky and impolite they are.

AKG_JGJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-marriage-please-towels?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:5f7a8401-da12-4c40-9e53-bd862928cf31Post:de2819bb-882f-47eb-8fde-13bf53d10151">SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!!</a>:
[QUOTE]WE have just bought and moved into a new house and would LOVE cash gifts from our guest so we could work on paying down the mortgage. I an distressed see from reading through the message board - that <strong>asking for cash (for any reason) is seen as rude.</strong> My master plan has now been busted - HELP!! For my first wedding (over 15 years ago)<strong> I neglected to include gift registry information</strong> and for some strange reason I got a multitude of towel sets (in every color and lace design imaginable)!!
Posted by MJH919[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, asking for cash in any way (ie. "No boxed gifts, please.") is seen as rude. Personally, I don't see shopping for a gift from a registry as hassel at all. I'm much more likely to shop of a registry than give cash. But that's besides the point. If you have a small registry of upgrades, people will get the hint that you don't really need anything physical. Also, as with your 1st marriage, registry information should never be include with your invitations. Guests know to ask, so they find out via word of mouth. If you're so inclined, it can be included on your wedding website if you have one. Some people debate this a bit, but it's generally accepted to be fine. </div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_second-marriage-please-towels?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:5f7a8401-da12-4c40-9e53-bd862928cf31Post:a7b37f75-7bcb-474c-82e8-5612ee4783a4">Re: SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to SECOND marriage for both... please no more towels!! : Girl, these other brides can tend to be very different than the people I know. Personally, I think cash is a great thing to request, and many of your guests will feel relieved that they just need to make a trip to the ATM, and not bother with registry nonsense. <strong>But what do I know?</strong>
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]

Exactly.

Requesting any gift is rude, especially cash.

ladybirda

Funny, when my mom remarried, she desperately wanted and registered for nice new towels, and not one guest gave them to her.  The store told her some people find it too personal! 

banana468

Ditto PPs that a registry for a second wedding is technically improper etiquette.

If you must, create a small registry of upgrades and spread that info via word of mouth. 

Asking for cash outright is a HUGE no no.

Lisa50

Agree ... I didn't think this would be so heated, but it helps me.  My FI and I do not want gifts.  Period.  We both came to the conclusion that, if asked, we'll let our guests (close family and friends) know we'd prefer they give to either the Alzheimer's Association or a local breast cancer charity.  

Before anyone sounds the "rude and tacky" alarm, please read on ... 

My FI's BF of 50 years (and best man), has ties to the Alzheimer's Association, his family has been deeply impacted.  My mother, a 28 year breast cancer survivor, suffers from Alzheimer's.  My cousin and a close friend (both plan to attend) have been battling a very aggressive form of breast cancer for the past 3+ years.  Everyone invited is well aware of intimate our connections to Alzheimer's and breast cancer.  So, there's the background.

(1) What's the best way to get the word out that, in lieu of gifts, a donation to either charity would be deeply appreciated?  Should we let guests know only by word of mouth or is there an invitation insert that would be approriate, i.e., not "rude or tacky"?   (2) And, is this something that would best be posted on our wedding website (we do not plan to have one, but would do that if it's the best way to get this specific message out).

Looking forward to hearing from you .... thanks!