Is it tacky??

RachelP26

So my fiance and I want to buy a house after the wedding. However since we are paying for our own wedding is it tacky to ask guests for money for a down payment instead of registering for gifts? If it's not tacky, how do I go about telling guests that we aren't registering and we would like cash gifts?

kw44932

Either just don't have a registry, or have a very small one.  People will generally get the hint that money is preferred.  However, be prepared for items that you really don't want as some people prefer to give an actual gift instead of cash.  I suggest a small registry with things that you could use for your new home. 

Word of mouth would be good in this situation.  I'm sure guests will be asking your parents, his parents, etc. what you guys would like, and a simple "They're saving up for their first house" could go a long way. 

Good luck!

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:142f0733-4ed8-4a2a-abf9-defafd569f5a">Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I want to buy a house after the wedding. However since we are paying for our own wedding is it tacky to ask guests for money for a down payment instead of registering for gifts? If it's not tacky, how do I go about telling guests that we aren't registering and we would like cash gifts?
Posted by RachelP26[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is tacky to outright ask your guests for money or set up any sort of "money registry".

Instead, put together a list of household items that you'd like (or upgrades if you already have some stuff) and do a small physical (traditional) registry. When people ask where you are registered, you/FI/your parents/FI's parents/bridal party can simply say something along the lines of:
"They are registered at XYZ, but really are saving up for a house."

People will get the hint. Just keep in mind that no one is obligated to give you a gift, and there are many people who refuse to give monetary gifts, so having a small physical registry is good for those people.

tldh

Rude. Rude. Rude.

Aside fromt he fact that asking for cash is rude as hell, think about this.  Many of us are paying our own mortgages or saving for a down payment on a house.  Why in the world would we want to help you with yours?  What about the people who are barely holding on to their house today?  Paying for your house is your responsibility and nobody else's.

jagore08

DH and I paid for our own wedding and honeymoon.  We totaled his car three days before our wedding.  Should we have asked our guests for a downpayment for a new car?  Sounds rude, right?

freebread03

Yes, it is very tacky to ask for money from your guests.  Everyone has bills to pay, or down payments to save for, and you're no different.

Everyone knows that cash is appreciated.  You don't need to tell them it is.

RachelP26

Thank you all for the responses. It has been very helpful!!

HobokensFury

Yes it's tacky and rude.  If it wasn't everyone would ask for money as a  down payment for a house. 

mercy4

I agree with the small registry.  Depending on your location, gifts may be mostly cash anyway...

StephBeanWed61502

Here's how you handle this:

Guest:  So, RachelP26, where are you registered?

You:  Well, we have a small registry at X Store, but we're mainly focused on saving for a downpayment on a home.  OR  Actually, we've decided not to register - our focus is on saving for a home right now.

Your guests will get the hint.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:da056743-3919-4489-80e9-2291d73e6b25">Re: Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for the responses. It has been very helpful!!
Posted by RachelP26[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for taking good advice!  FWIW, FI and I are in the same boat--we don't need much stuff, and are always saving for travel (we bought a condo a few months ago, so what we used to save goes towards mortgage and projects around the condo).  We'll register for upgrades of things we might need (i.e. we could use some new sheets and matching towels, but don't need a new toaster or pots and pans)--a small registry will be a good indicator that we're hoping more for cash.</div>

kekr0202

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:3f9bc8da-9067-4f00-ab99-58ff38b3606f">Re: Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]Rude. Rude. Rude. Aside fromt he fact that asking for cash is rude as hell, think about this.  Many of us are paying our own mortgages or saving for a down payment on a house.  Why in the world would we want to help you with yours?  What about the people who are barely holding on to their house today?  Paying for your house is your responsibility and nobody else's.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're saying.  BUT I have to play devil's advocate as I don't like traditional registries either.  How is it not rude to ask for help filling a house with items?  Why ask for a $50 place setting, or a $300 mixer, or a $10 towel when you could buy it yourself?  I really think it's the same thing.

frankenbonnie

Why not use a site like honefund?  That way guests feel like they're buying you actual things, but they're really just sending you cash.  I think it works either way.  People are too uptight about money sometimes.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:5516695e-3d0f-46ad-85ce-f5f92045f0e5">Re: Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it tacky?? : Don't get me wrong, I understand what you're saying.  BUT I have to play devil's advocate as I don't like traditional registries either.  How is it not rude to ask for help filling a house with items?  Why ask for a $50 place setting, or a $300 mixer, or a $10 towel when you could buy it yourself?  I really think it's the same thing.
Posted by kekr0202[/QUOTE]

<div>Some people like to give physical gifts that the couple will use around their home.  While some people are fine giving a random china pattern or whatever, others like to know that what they get will be truely used and appreciated by the couple.  That's why a gift registry is a useful guide for those that choose to give a physical gift.  People don't need to a guide to giving cash.  </div><div>
</div><div>Also, when you ask for cash, it kind of implies that that's all you want, and that could make someone that wants to give a physical gift feel bad for giving you something other than cold hard cash.  </div>

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:b1caf35f-32e9-4460-9bf7-378d6e4e1db1">Re: Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not use a site like honefund?  <strong>That way guests feel like they're buying you actual things, but they're really just sending you cash.  </strong>I think it works either way.  People are too uptight about money sometimes.
Posted by frankenbonnie[/QUOTE]

<div>Some people would consider that deceitful (I would).  </div>

WildMagelet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:b1caf35f-32e9-4460-9bf7-378d6e4e1db1">Re: Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not use a site like honefund?  That way guests feel like they're buying you actual things, but they're really just sending you cash.  I think it works either way.  People are too uptight about money sometimes.
Posted by frankenbonnie[/QUOTE]

<div>Please don't.  That's deceptive AND rude.</div><div>
</div><div>FWIW, FI & I just bought a house and are currently upgrading a lot of items that most people seem to put on their registries (kitchen gadgets, dishes, towels, curtains, etc.).  We'll being doing a small registry of items like tools, yard decor, and things for entertaining guests, but will spread by WOM that we're saving up to do a remodel on our kitchen.</div>

StephBeanWed61502

Okay, I never understand why people are so married to these ridiculous cash registries - it's really not that hard to get people to give you cash!  You don't need to trick them by signing up for some deceptive, fee-grubbing, rude website - just have a small registry (or none at all) and when people ask "where are you registered?"  (and they will ask you, or your mom, or your aunt, etc.) train everyone around you to say "Oh, Lady and Tramp aren't registered anywhere, they're saving for a house."  Boom.  Done.  Without deceiving people, being rude, or lining the pockets of some lousy corporation with ridiculous fees.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:60fae729-0d9b-48cb-807f-e66922cd4efcPost:b1caf35f-32e9-4460-9bf7-378d6e4e1db1">Re: Is it tacky??</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not use a site like honefund?  That way guests feel like they're buying you actual things, but they're really just sending you cash.  I think it works either way.  People are too uptight about money sometimes.
Posted by frankenbonnie[/QUOTE]

::head tilt::

Yeah, I'm uptight about my money.  I earned it.  It's mine.  Why, oh why, should I think it's NOT rude for you to ask me for my hard earned money?

People and their entitlement.