Ok, so, here's the deal. So far FI and I both have 4 attendants each. His part includes 3 friends and my brother. Mine includes 2 friends, my SIL and FI's sister. I also have 2 "house party attendants." I'm not going to make the HP have any silly jobs or anything (one of them may do a reading), but this was mainly to keep our WP from growing enormously. I am not quite as close to these 2 girls, but still close enough to where I wanted them to be involved.
Here's where the hard part comes in. I have another friend from high school; I'll call her Jen. Jen and I were really close in high school but now we really don't hang out nearly as much as we should/used to. We went to dinner as a group the other day, and I believe that was the first time I had seen her since July (even though she lives really close to me now)! The cool thing about our relationship though is that no matter how long we're apart, things just go right back to normal as soon as we see each other. She has been with her BF for 9ish years and there have been talks of marriage (I always thought she would be the first out of our group). In the past she talked about my BFF and myself being bridesmaids in her wedding, as we are 2 of her closest friends. (I know that time has passed and things have changed, but I'm just stating this for perspective.) Also, her personality is that she is kind of loud/boisterous/high strung, so that's something else I'm keeping in mind.
I am really torn as to whether or not I should ask her to be a BM for several reasons. 1) I know if I don't, it will hurt her feelings (I know I'm just supposed to do what I want, but this IS a factor for me). I'm having one of my other high school friends as a BM and I know that she probably feels that our friendship is on the same level and she will be at least somewhat hurt. 2) If I don't have her as a BM, I would at least like for her to be a house party attendant but that brings my tally up to 4 BMs and 3 HP and I feel like that's pretty silly. 3) I know I might get some hate for this one, but I am still going to include it since it does play a part. If I have Jen as a BM, FI will want to ask another of his friends (let's call him Matt). Matt got married last year and did not have FI or FI's BFF in his WP. I know, no biggie really, but I thought it was pretty odd considering Matt, FI, and FI's BFF are all such close friends. He ended up having several guys that we had never met (childhood friends, I guess). I just thought it was kind of messed up (but guys don't care about those types of things so FI is over it). Here's the kicker though...I cannot STAND Matt's wife. She is a conniving, selfish, controlling person. Just to give you an example, she would not let her FMIL come into the dressing area on the day of their wedding (despite the fact that FMIL's daughter was a BM) due to the fact that she wanted her wedding dress to be a surprise and just wanted a "small group" back there, amongst several other excuses. This, of course, made FMIL very upset and started their marriage off with lots of in-law tension. While telling me her side of the story, she actually said something to the effect of "I just don't understand WHY people can't just accept the wishes of the bride. She really should have honored my wishes and not been upset." Yep, even afterwards she still thought her MIL was in the wrong, and I'm pretty sure she never apologized. That being said, I really don't want her involved in any of the wedding activities that she doesn't absolutely have to be. Obviously having her DH as a GM, she would have to be invited to at least the RD, and would probably end up spending more time with us on the day-of. I'm just not sure if I can handle that. She stresses me out a lot and I know that she'll probably try to take something over at the wedding (she did this at one of our friend's weddings because her dream is to be a wedding coordinator). Am I being silly about this? I really could go on and on with awful stories, but point is...she's crazy and I don't want her involved AT ALL.
FI did mention the option of asking one of his closer cousins, but he's not sure if he'll even be able to attend since he lives in Michigan.
Phew, If you've made it this far then I am thoroughly impressed! You are either a very caring person or are very bored.
Feedback, suggestions, thoughts....ready, go!
ETA: I hope I'm not coming off as a whiny B here, but this decision has really been eating at me for a while so I thought a little perspective from you guys would help. I didn't post this on the WP board for fear of being eaten alive.