why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude?

meliB229

We just finished registering yesterday, and we chose to do so at Bed, Bath & Beyond and Macy's. Both stores gave me a stack of "we are registerd at...." cards that I'm presuming are supposed to go in with the invites. 

Now I fully understand that its "bad etiquette" to include any wedding registry info in the invites. But if its so rude, why do the stores give you these cards?

Why not just write "we are registerd at..." on your info/map cards instead of indirectly telling people to go to your wedding website to find that info? 

This got me thinking, how did couples let guests know where they were registerd at before the invition of "wedding websites"?

Any insite or thoughts?

-M

freebread03

They give you those little cards because they want people to buy from their stores.  They (obviously) are biased in that department, so anything to steer more traffic their way is a good thing.  You really shouldn't take etiquette tips from a retail establishment.  Writing "we are registered at xyz" on anything other than a shower invitation is presumptuous and makes it seem as though you are expecting gifts.  No one is required to give a gift, and writing on a map or whatever where you are registered implies that they are.

People did, and still do, learn where people are registered through word of mouth--they ask the couple, they as the wedding party, they ask family.  They can also google your name and usually it pops up.  We're not doing a "wedding website" and I'm pretty sure our guests are smart enough to figure out where we're registered (or they could just ask).  

Those are my insights.

MyNameIsNot

They give out the cards because they don't care if it's rude.  All they care about is getting money from your guests.  They don't care if you look selfish in the process.

Before websites, people found registries by word of mouth.  In fact, many people still do it that way.  Plenty of couples are uncomfortable putting registry info on their website, and many don't have websites at all.

AurorasEnvy

Don't include them with your invites.  I have our registry information on our wedding website and will send out those cards with out shower invites, but nothing else.  Guests of your wedding will either ask around to find out where you are registered or just give you cash.

Summer2011Bride

Yeah BBB even mispelled my last name on those cards ha! We promptly dumped them in the recycling bin when we got home. LIke others said, it's a business for them. They want your guests to buy from their store. They're just as much a part of the wedding industry as places like TK, wedding mags, etc.

Putting registry info on a wedding website you have is fine. Otherwise, spread via word of mouth. Most people will ask where you're registered if they can't find the info on their own.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_stores-give-out-those-registry-cards-its-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6515a107-1523-4b2b-8236-6712f76987f1Post:ef1f4132-67bc-4a46-b27c-a7a0031ca02f">why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]We just finished registering yesterday, and we chose to do so at Bed, Bath & Beyond and Macy's. Both stores gave me a stack of "we are registerd at...." cards that I'm presuming are supposed to go in with the invites.  Now I fully understand that its "bad etiquette" to include any wedding registry info in the invites. <strong>But if its so rude, why do the stores give you these cards?</strong> Why not just write "we are registerd at..." on your info/map cards instead of indirectly telling people to go to your wedding website to find that info?  <strong>This got me thinking, how did couples let guests know where they were registerd at before the invition of "wedding websites"?</strong> Any insite or thoughts? -M
Posted by meliB229[/QUOTE]
First bolded part...
They are a business and want to make money, regardless of etiquette.
It's like when I went to David's Bridal as a MOH with the bridal party... and the sales associate kept telling us we looked great. It got pretty obvious that she was just going to 'yes' us until we pulled out our charge cards.

Second bolded part...
Word of mouth. Registries are fairly new, but wedding gifts have been going on for centuries.

teachermegs

I hate those little cards! I received a wedding invite from someone I didn't even know and one of those cards were in it. 

Ali092011

I just assumed they meant for us to pass the cards on to whomever was hosting the shower to include in the shower invitations. Even so, I think they're rude and annoying, so we turned ours into scrap paper (they're the perfect size for grocery shopping lists!). I'd rather the hostess of my shower just write "The bride is registered at BBB" if she so chooses than include those cards.

berardibranday

I don't think its rude to put them in the shower invitations; however, its very rude to put them in the wedding invitations.  I registered at Kohls and the cards are actually nice because they are also a coupon allowing the individual to get 15% off if they decide to purchase you a gift there.  I certainly wouldn't include them in the wedding invitation, nor have I seen that before, but I think its ok for the shower. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_stores-give-out-those-registry-cards-its-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6515a107-1523-4b2b-8236-6712f76987f1Post:e48f0387-41cb-4878-b43f-a6b8398c9cc2">Re: why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think its rude to put them in the shower invitations; however, its very rude to put them in the wedding invitations.  I registered at Kohls and the cards are actually nice because they are also a coupon allowing the individual to get 15% off if they decide to purchase you a gift there.  I certainly wouldn't include them in the wedding invitation, nor have I seen that before, but I think its ok for the shower. 
Posted by berardibranday[/QUOTE]
As a guest I'd prefer just a written note on the bridal shower invitation letting me know where the couple is registered, but if there is a coupon on that card, dude, hand me over that card lol!

ShawnandKris

They were included in our bridal shower invitations. That's the only place that my bridesmaids used them. 

As a guest to a shower, I have appreciated the information. It saved me time and allowed me to shop online for general ideas of what my friends wanted before I hit the store. 

chattychiqa

Am I just super nosey Internet sleuth-like in my googling everything? I mean really, when I hear someone has a shower coming up, I look at BRU & Target. When someone is engaged, I look at most of the stores with wedding registries. And can't you refuse the cards? I haven't even gotten to that point yet.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_stores-give-out-those-registry-cards-its-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6515a107-1523-4b2b-8236-6712f76987f1Post:0f7e593c-3262-41a3-b101-43b12f399234">Re: why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude? : As a guest I'd prefer just a written note on the bridal shower invitation letting me know where the couple is registered,<strong> but if there is a coupon on that card, dude, hand me over that card lol!</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
Exactly!! My Mom is helping my bridal party host a shower for me & asked for those little cards the other day to put in the shower invite. The Kohl's card is a 15% coupon. Those bad boys are going in there! 

Grits8812

They only care if people come to their store to buy things, which is why they give them.  

Before wedding websites, it got around by word of moth.

skantrowitz

I refused the cards from BB&B, but mentioned the registry on our website. I hadn't thought about the shower invites yet.

stealthangel20

Wow, I have had a few friends put the cards in with their invites! I had no idea it was so bad...but now thinking about it, it really is! I will have to use mine for scrap paper...We have a lot of people from out of town coming (probably 75% of the guests), so I certainly wouldn't want them feeling obligated to get us gifts, too. 

amerz18

I honestly don't see how it's rude. I mean it's customary to get the bride and groom something, am I right? you're considered rude if you don't. What I think is rude is the fact that I spent countless hours working on a freaking registry so that people can say: "oh thats nice, but I'm going to get something that looks horrible, and NOT give them a receipt or anything...." is there some unspoken rule about gifts? give me a freaking break.

Mae0606

Though I have a wedding website, many guests didn't even notice it on the save the dates although it is in bright blue and across the bottom of a large black magnet. I will not be sending the cards in the mail with my invitations but I would not be offended in anyway, shape, or form if someone sent them to me. I am a guest at a wedding, and I will be buying them a gift. I would like to get something they like and these are simply a way to help me do so.

And no offense but Ive seen posts about many people being annoyed, pissed, etc. when they dont get presents from people so stop saying it isn't expected. Although some of us don't care (me being one of them so you can stop writing your hate post now) many brides do consider it rude to not receive a wedding gift or a shower gift. 

ladylinda1966

Hi Samantha,

I have just viewed your wedding website linked to The Knot, wow it is wonderful you seem so organised and your ideas are great. I might borrow some!! I am getting married about a week before you in London, England on 5th May 2012 and I am panicking about how much there is still to do.

Linda

emilou02

It sounds like I'm the only one who also thinks it's rude to include registry information on or in a shower invitation. It bugs the heck out of me. Having attended many weddings and bridal and baby showers, I know that 99.9% of the time the couple is going to be registered somewhere - and that's swell. If I want to know where that somewhere is, I will ask (and 99.9% of the time, I do ask!).

Yes, I know that the entire purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride or mom-to-be with helpful gifts, but that does not serve as an excuse to essentially beg for gifts from your family and friends and tell them precisely what you want them to buy for you. People may think they're being helpful by doing this, but it comes across to me as selfish and honestly rather rude. You can start criticizing me now, if you must. Just my two cents.

emilou02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_stores-give-out-those-registry-cards-its-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6515a107-1523-4b2b-8236-6712f76987f1Post:14442781-6edf-42dd-b891-812bf1627d52">Re: why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have only one response to this thread: the first step on anyone's wedding-planning checklist should be to read Miss Manners' book on weddings.
Posted by BelSogno[/QUOTE]

Completely agree!

This actually WAS the first thing I did! Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding was a surprisingly entertaining and informative read. I would highly recommend it to every bride as well as her mother (and her groom, if she has him wrapped tightly enough around her little finger to force the poor boy to sit down and read it!).

wiser516

Put the cards in your shower invites only!! It is really tacky and rude to put them in your wedding invitation.  Its like your demanding you want the people you are inviting to bring you a gift for your wedding.  Everyone how comes to the showers is usually invited to the wedding so they will already know where you are registered.  If people don't know where you are registered then they will get you cash or a gift with a gift receipt and usually it gets around fast where you are registered anyways.  Just put them in the shower invites and leave it at that.

ilovezak

Don’t attack me for saying this but I think some people might be a little harsh. I have received invites with registered at cards and I never thought anything negative of it. I like knowing where the person is registered and not having to search around to find them. I myself personally just put my wedding website on my invite and didnt do cards or anything but I don’t think anyone should be called selfish for it, they are simply just informing their guest if buying gifts is something they wish to do.

DAHIRA20

We gave them to my mom and MOH, when guests asked where we were registered they just handed them the cards...

Bett2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_stores-give-out-those-registry-cards-its-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6515a107-1523-4b2b-8236-6712f76987f1Post:bf8e4f33-c08f-4599-bb91-f93eac394c23">Re: why do stores give out those registry cards if its so rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]They give out the cards because they don't care if it's rude.  All they care about is getting money from your guests.  They don't care if you look selfish in the process. Before websites, people found registries by word of mouth. <strong> In fact, many people still do it that way.  Plenty of couples are uncomfortable putting registry info on their website, and many don't have websites at all.</strong>
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>This is definitely us! Word of mouth all the way :)</div>

autumnrainn24

i think putting a registry card in a wedding invite is a bit much.. although, ive never actually seen that happen.. but putting one in a shower card is ok imo.. ive never really though about it i guess... my moh told me i need to register though lol now im kinda wondering if i should ...

Kimberly0402

My MOH asked me to make sure that I got them, so she could put the cards in the invites to my bridal shower.

Sarah5200

I think that everyone needs to look at their wedding as their wedding and no one else's - take the "etiquette" rules with a grain of salt and just do what feels right to you. I am not sticking my registry cards in my invitation (mostly because I don't like the way they look), but I have an info card (because it's a pocket fold with enclosure cards) that has the places we are registered listed on it. It says:

"Should you wish to purchase a gift for the bride and groom, they are registered at the following locations ......"

That statement does not say "Buy me a gift or else" or "I only want you to come so I can have presents", but I know a lot of people that plan to buy a gift and only want to go to one place for information - that's the invitation. I have a wedding website where I will also list things, but there are plenty of people my parents' age and older that don't like using the internet.

In no way, shape, or form would I be offended if someone didn't buy me a gift, or bought me a gift off-registry, and I like to think that the people that I care enough about to be inviting to my wedding would not be offended by me saying where we're registered. Some people are freaked out about picking a gift themselves because they worry about you ending up with seven toasters. I know when I go to a wedding that I like to be told where people are registered, I am not offended by the cards in the invitation - it's just not very pretty.

Hilraythebride

Stores give you inserts because they want people to buy you gifts from their stores.  Its the same for any hotel accomadations, they will give you inserts to say where you you have booked a block of rooms so it is easier for people to quickly find out information rather than having to call someone or refer to a wedding website.