Tacky? Just had to double-check

Kate0034

If it was her one and only registry I would find it tacky. But since she has a traditional registry as well, it's just another option. If I were one of her guests, I would take it as her offering a secure way to give cash gifts since many people prefer to give money instead of gifts. It also lets people know they appreciate cash gifts because, believe it or not, some people are afraid to give cash because they think it looks impersonal. I know this because many people have said this to me. Bottom line, if I were a guest, I would probably appreciate the gesture so I knew my cash gift wouldn't get lost in a pile of gift bags.

sillysockrock

I personally don't think it's all that tacky. My fiancee and I have lived together for three years and have everything we could possibly need for our household. I would personally prefer to have cash donated to something I truly would enjoy, instead of two blenders or coordinated bath towels...

angsmith505

I don't think its tacky at all!  I wrote a poem asking for money that I put in the invite,  explaining, that we already had house hold items and wanted a honeymoon fund.    My fiance and I bought a house and have been living together for 2 years so we have all of the house essentials.  We do not need a toaster or blender we could really use the cash for other things.  I think to much during the wedding planning we get wrapped up in whats propper or not.  Who made up those rules anyway.  I say make your own traditions and enjoy it. 

jenpig25

Now what about the HoneyFund.com?? My fiance and I have a house, fully furnished, and really don't need anything...except for money for our honeymoon. I have asked if this is tacky from etique experts and they don't think it's tacky. They ssaid that putting ANY registry on your invite is a no-no. Times have changed.

ebogler

YES!

chaiteachick

So, ok. I'm an American and as such, never would have dreamed of such a thing. However, here in Israel, it's tacky to post a gift registry. People drop large amounts of money into a box when they come to the wedding, in order to pay for the expenses they have incurred, being wedding guests. That means no wedding gifts.

See, I don't like that, but I'm stuck with it. Think about THAT one for a second. xD Weird!

lturpyn

I do not think this is tacky.  As said multiple times already-- everyone knows that money is appreciated, and I think that by posting a paypal account it just makes it clear to people that this is something that they would appreciate.  People can still write checks/give cash--they don't have to use PayPal, per se.

That being said, I'm American but I live in the Netherlands, and here the traditional thing to do is to put an envelope icon on your invitations which lets people know that you would prefer an envelope with cash.  When I told people here (in the Netherlands) that in America this is considered rude-- they were horrified.  Besides, our wedding will be in Virginia but anything that guests give us we have to haul in our suitcases back to the Netherlands afterwards.  While I don't have a paypal account set up, we DO have a "normal" registry but have warned everyone in the U.S. that we can't accept anything too heavy or electronic (and we're hoping everyone gets the hint).  To our Dutch guests?  We're asking for cash-- it's practical, and will definitely contribute to our new house which we bought a few months ago.

Since your friend and her husband-to-be are also starting a new life together in a new house, I think it's a good idea.  I think it's about time that the American culture get used to the practicality of asking for money -- and if it doesn't start somewhere, then it will never happen.

sdbell88

It's not tacky at all to ask for money as a wedding gift. Some people ONLY ask for money, if they've been living on their own for awhile and don't need any household items. Or they'll ask guests to put money toward their honeymoon. Most guests would much rather give a gift of money, instead of trying to find the towels you asked for somewhere inside a store they never shop in.

Every online registry I've looked into has an option for gift cards or cash gifts. So, no - not tacky.

jasmineh7777

Beyond tacky. If they want cash that can be spread through word of mouth. A link to paypal, seriously?
I would be tempted to give them a card with monopoly money. Just because they are getting married does not mean they are no longer expected to utilize common sense and manners.

kikibaby

Your friend would get absolutely no gift from me.  This is beyond tacky.  It is presumptuous and greedy. 

Aimee8314

I agree that it's tacky.  But I also want to call out the people who said they are registered for honeymoon/money items for a shower.  The point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with GIFTS - not cash. 

If you don't have room for gifts or don't want gifts - you don't have a shower.

nda_roxybabe

Registering for cash is tacky no matter how you go about it (i.e. honeymoon registery, house fun, etc.)

LauraT25

In Response to Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check:
[QUOTE]If you set up a gift registry, you are pointing out the gifts you want and expect to receive. What is the difference in setting up a cash registry? Its what she wants. She doesn't want a coffee pot, she wants a house. Its not tacky, its logical. Never assume people know the "rules" when it comes to weddings. In any event, gift or cash registry, its the same principle. They're either both tacky, or not tacky at all. By the way, when I went to post this I read that sciencegrl08 said basically the same thing. Great minds think alike
Posted by sarah_madrid06[/QUOTE]

I know some people disagree, but I feel like a gift registry is meant to be a convenience for your guests.  Many people would like to give gifts, myself included, and appreciate knowing that their gift will be used rather than returned.  Additionally, registries offer the convenience of shipping wherever the couple prefers, and the guest can see what has already been purchased to avoid duplicates.  Some brides go a bit crazy and maybe lose sight of this, but a registry is merely a suggestion for people who would like some guidance.

On the other hand, guests do not need to be told outright to give cash, period.  If you do not register, you will most likely get money.  Some people will still give gifts, but they are the same people that will give a gift regardless of whether or not you have a poem and a Paypal account.  You can discreetly spread the information by word of mouth (that you are saving for such-and-such) to hint that you would prefer cash, but really that's as blatant as you should be because people aren't stupid.

 If people don't give you cash, it's not because they don't know the rules, it's because they prefer to give gifts.  I would be very turned off if I was invited to a wedding where a Paypal account was set up.

allisong23

Registering for cash is tacky, tacky, tacky.

allisong23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:d42e8997-982c-4919-b87f-943a3aa9e98d">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]Isn't it tacky to judge your friend in a forum like this, instead of respecting her reasons and preferences? Just had to double check.
Posted by ShellyNu[/QUOTE]

No, it is not. She didn't call her out my name. But thanks for playing!

mehgank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:cc54a0db-b3f3-4b69-8a0c-6b399e4d4d06">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think thats the best way to go about asking for money...<strong>there are many little poems etc that give the hint without being pushy</strong>. In the end though someone that is trying their hardest to get into a house would probably prefer the $20 donation rather than one of four $20 toasters! Ive put a little poem in with my invite just saying basically that we would love to go on a honeymoon and something towards that to make it possible would be greatly appreciated...but we are quite open to the fact that some people will still bring a gift.
Posted by olibrook[/QUOTE]

"Little poems" just sugarcoat the tackiness.

eMiLee920

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:cb4c6f5f-645b-4e6d-8b15-ee95d4cd2c48">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]Your friend would get absolutely no gift from me.  This is beyond tacky.  It is presumptuous and greedy. 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  Or I'd get her a personalized item that can't be exchanged or returned.</div>

Aimee8314

Emilee - that made me laugh.  A lot.
Great idea.

roselyn81

I think that a honeymoon registry is ok, but there is something so tacky about asking people to DEPOSIT MONEY into a PAYPAL ACCOUNT in YOUR NAME??? Just terrible.

KaserLeigh

I just have a quick question... Did everyone that think this is tacky have a dollar dance at their wedding? Doesn't seem any different to me. Sure, people don't have to get up and pay you to dance with them, that's their option. However, they also don't have to put money into this paypal account. So please explain to me the difference here. I'm confused.

asjs8482

wow and i felt bad for registring for things i would never buy myself! i would NEVER straight up ask for $$!!!

RachaelBurk

I think asking for money is the wiser thing to do, it's what you want- not a gift that someone bought you that you may not even like...
Maybe a little shallow, but whatev!  It's THAT person's wedding, that's what they are asking for!!!  How is that different than registering at a very expensive store?  Get over it!

roselyn81

Kaser,

Yes, I think dollar dances are EXTREMELY TACKY!! No way will I be having  that at my wedding.

MyNameIsNot

Tacky is not the word.

Disgusting show of greed might fit.

KaserLeigh

I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a dollar dance. It's a tradition. When you search wedding songs, it comes up. Anyway, people know that starting out is hard. And I know many people would be relieved to just be able to give whatever they were going to spend on a gif to you. That way they know you like it and they don't have to do any work. If they don't want to do it, they won't. Let them make that decision. Enjoy your wedding, and plan it your way. Please don't let these boards sway you from what you want. You will get caught up in the "etiquette" and judegemental opinions, and you'll regret it later.

KaserLeigh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:7e5efae4-7f8d-437d-bd6b-9cb94fab49d5">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that it's tacky.  But I also want to call out the people who said they are registered for honeymoon/money items for a shower.  The point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with GIFTS - not cash.  If you don't have room for gifts or don't want gifts - you don't have a shower.
Posted by Aimee8314[/QUOTE]

Just saw this. I thought a shower was a gift... something someone threw for you. So if someone came to me and said "I'm throwing you a shower!!!" It isn't tacky to say... "Oh, I don't want gifts, just money and since that's tacky... I don't want a shower. Thanks for the thought though!" I mean come on!

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:1b8480f5-5310-4a82-8b92-572f7a5a902f">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]I just have a quick question... Did everyone that think this is tacky have a dollar dance at their wedding? Doesn't seem any different to me. Sure, people don't have to get up and pay you to dance with them, that's their option. However, they also don't have to put money into this paypal account. So please explain to me the difference here. I'm confused.
Posted by KaserLeigh[/QUOTE]


Kaserleigh-

You would think it isn't tacky to register for cash.

Also, do you live under a rock or something?  Because everyone knows a Dollar Dance is tacky!

If bride and groom are registering for a paypal cash thing they are setting themselves up to look like tacky people

roselyn81

Peony, I totally agree

KaserLeigh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_tacky-just-double-check?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:6fcffcda-4c54-495e-bd77-70dca3182a60Post:b6cda4af-521d-4c46-8b19-18e5b7978b15">Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tacky? Just had to double-check : <strong>Kaserleigh- You would think it isn't tacky to register for cash.</strong> Also, do you live under a rock or something?  Because everyone knows a Dollar Dance is tacky! If bride and groom are registering for a paypal cash thing they are setting themselves up to look like tacky people
Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry... have we met and I've forgotten? Because you're acting as if you know me... I'm a little lost.

I simply said I don't think it is... it's an opinion just as you stating it is. I'm also not the only one that has said it isn't... so why are you singling me out? I encourage people to follow their wants for their wedding, and people don't seem to like that. Oh well.

mags0607

I really don't know when when people started showing such a disregard for etiquette and tact. It seems that more and more people are expecting guests to pay for things for a couple that they should not be expecting. Asking guests to pay for drinks, pay to dance with a bride, or pay to pad someone's bank account, show a complete lack of graciousness as a host or a gift recipient.

I am a believer that the only proper gift procedure is to either register at a store for actual items or to not register at all. I don't think it is acceptable to print registry information on invites, on websites, or on inserts, or to include any other way of asking for money. Certainly making a bank deposit is horribly presumptuous. Guests will either search out a registry or write a check of their own free will. They do not need to be directed to honeymoon registries or to Paypal of all things.

I don't know when weddings started bringing such a sense of entitlement to brides and grooms. I would never think of asking someone to pay for my honeymoon, pay to help me buy furniture, or much less pay for a down payment for a house. It just screams of greed.

Having a shower thrown by someone else for a bride does not scream of entitlement like a bank registry, because the bride is not the one hosting the event. A shower is a gesture from someone close to the bride, and she has no involvement other than showing up. 

I just find it sad that I am one of the vast minority in this thread that still thinks wedding should follow a traditional etiquette, and feel that standard etiquette should still be the norm.