Help! I have never even been to a wedding! How do I plan one?!

SeandyMilson

Hi, I am so lost. Newly engaged and ready to get started on plans but I have never even been to a wedding and all the books I am reading dont seem to take that into account. I dont know what the heck a recieving line is or a stinkin' cummerbund. I have tried to talk to my MOB and MOG but they say do what you want. They are trying to help but I need some direction.

I thought about a wedding planner but my budget wont allow for it.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

fallbride1109

First of all, receiving lines and cummerbunds went out in the '90's. 

It's good that you know your budget.  Start with making out your guest list so you will know how many people to plan (and pay) for and so you can choose a venue that will comfortably hold your guest list.

I had not been to a ton of weddings myself.  This board is really helpful and you'll get some great information here.

Think about what kind of wedding you want:  indoor, outdoor, daytime, evening, etc.  It can be low key, a big evening party with a full meal and alcohol, an afternoon brunch, cake and punch--basically anything goes.  But generally it consists of a ceremony, cocktail hour for your guests (so that you can take your pictures), and some type of reception (so that you can receive your guests and thank them for coming) with food and drink.

Check out the wedding shows like Four Weddings on TLC--those are fun and can give you some ideas of what to expect.

courtski2004

This site is a great tool while wedding planning--for those who have been to a dozen weddings and those who have never attended one.
When you think of your ceremony, do you envision it at a Church or outdoors? When you think of how you want to celebrate with your guests following the ceremony, what kinds of things do you want to incorporate? Do you see a DJ, dinner and dancing or just a casual backyard party? It can be almost anything you want.
There isn't a mandatory template of what you must include in your wedding, think of it as a clean slate and go from there. Pinterest, magazines, and TK are great for suggestions!

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_help-i-have-never-even-been-to-a-wedding-how-do-i-plan-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:cd96e4dd-bc8f-4f4b-9c4b-0b90db2b889ePost:a26c8d90-dda7-4000-a78b-054c7a464878">Re: Help! I have never even been to a wedding! How do I plan one?!</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, receiving lines and cummerbunds went out in the '90's.  :) It's good that you know your budget.  Start with making out your guest list so you will know how many people to plan (and pay) for and so you can choose a venue that will comfortably hold your guest list. I had not been to a ton of weddings myself.  This board is really helpful and you'll get some great information here. Think about what kind of wedding you want:  indoor, outdoor, daytime, evening, etc.  It can be low key, a big evening party with a full meal and alcohol, an afternoon brunch, cake and punch--basically anything goes.  But generally it consists of a ceremony, cocktail hour for your guests (so that you can take your pictures), and some type of reception (so that you can receive your guests and thank them for coming) with food and drink. <strong>Check out the wedding shows like Four Weddings on TLC--those are fun and can give you some ideas of what to expect.</strong>
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

<div>It's funny you mention that, because there was one on either today or yesterday that featured a "unity fishbowl" and I thought, "Hm... I wonder how often that's come up on TK?"</div><div>
</div><div>I really didn't have a super-clear vision of what I wanted for my wedding, so I leaned really heavily on my coordinator.  I'm sad you can't work one into your budget.</div><div>
</div><div>You might check out some wedding blogs like stylemepretty Dallas or maybe make a Pinterest account?  I feel like some of the girls I know who have wedding pinboards are definitely on information overload, but it does seem really helpful for some ideas!</div>

fallbride1109

My wedding was before Pinterest, but I got alot of inspiration from looking at other Knottie bios.  But that's a great idea.

I did have a clear vision of what I wanted but I was still able to make it come together by using the information I found from this board.

And hee, yeah, you definitely don't want to do everything you see on those wedding shows, but they can give you some ideas.  I didn't know anything about a candy buffet until I saw it on Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? (man, I miss that show!)

AshJohnson30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_help-i-have-never-even-been-to-a-wedding-how-do-i-plan-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:cd96e4dd-bc8f-4f4b-9c4b-0b90db2b889ePost:8de72488-9c67-4c19-82ea-ac4490c618e8">Re: Help! I have never even been to a wedding! How do I plan one?!</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding was before Pinterest, but I got alot of inspiration from looking at other Knottie bios.  But that's a great idea. I did have a clear vision of what I wanted but I was still able to make it come together by using the information I found from this board. And hee, yeah, you definitely don't want to do everything you see on those wedding shows, but they can give you some ideas.  I didn't know anything about a candy buffet until I saw it on <strong>Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?</strong> (man, I miss that show!)
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]

Loved this show!!

I'd been to weddings but planning your own is different. Do like PP suggested and figure out your guest list first. This will really help determine what kind of wedding you want. I googled wedding blogs and used a few magazines to help me also.

arco13

PP's have all given amazing advice so far.

One thing I want to add-don't feel like you really HAVE to do any specific tradition (like recieving lines, etc.) I see a lot of people fretting about how, they don't have a dad to walk them down the aisle, or they don't want to do a bouquet toss, etc... and on most of those little things like that, it really doesn't matter. 

And above all, never put the wedding before the marriage. I started to veer into that territory when we first got engaged, and quickly realized that, while a wedding is going to be fun, I am so much more looking forward to the marriage that will come from it. 

MarieSD

I had only been to two weddings as a kid, so I was in a similar position as you. And frankly, I wasn't really interested in most of the wedding details/traditions (bouquet tosses, speeches, receiving lines, etc). H and I brainstormed what we really wanted out of our wedding day ... which turned out to be a super-religious ceremony in our church and then a crazy party with close family and a bunch of friends.

I was able to hire a wedding planner/coordinator and she helped me plan a lot of the big reception details (venue, caterer, DJ, where to buy liquor affordably, where to rent linens, etc) and that helped me out a lot because those were the kind of details I didn't know and didn't want to research on my own. I later found this board (which answers all those details, and for free) so that's good too

roseofdeborah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_help-i-have-never-even-been-to-a-wedding-how-do-i-plan-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:cd96e4dd-bc8f-4f4b-9c4b-0b90db2b889ePost:8ab287fe-7009-4cd7-8d37-269b4f20bd78">Re: Help! I have never even been to a wedding! How do I plan one?!</a>:
[QUOTE]II later found this board (which answers all those details, and for free) so that's good too :)
Posted by MarieSD[/QUOTE]

This...I don't have a wedding planner. I wish I did. But I used the ladies here to help me plan everything and find my vendors.

niquemel

Don't let anyone tell you that *have* to do something because it is traditional. You don't. It's your wedding. I'm not doing a bouquet or garter toss, and no one will convince me otherwise. A few weeks ago, someone tried to convince me that FI and I had to kiss every time someone clinked utensils to a glass - umm, NO! It's my wedding, I don't care what other people think about tradition.
Just be courteous to your guests* and do whatever else you'd like.

* I was at a wedding in which they spent several thousands on the dress and several thousands on the photographer, but close to zilch on food and drinks, it was really rude! 

nextrightthing

Welcome!  I agree with PPs....also, I have found that I didn't know a lot about wedding etiquette prior to coming to these boards, and etiquette is important.  You can check out that board or get a wedding etiquette book or something.    I know that has been helpful for me!

angelsong21

I knew absolutely NOTHING about weddings prior to coming to this board. Lurk, ask questions... you will learn a lot.  There are some good books out there as well.  I went to three weddings prior to this.  All of them were for my older brothers and most of them were 5-15 years ago.  Needless to say, I didn't have strong memories of them, and this was like starting over at square one.  You'll be fine.  PP have given you some great jumping off points.  GL!

ktwed1

The great thing about planning weddings now compared to even 10 or 15 years ago is anything goes. I've been to a ton of weddings and think many of the traditions are silly. So like others said you don't have to follow certain traditions and it can be as small or as big as you want or or budget allows.
I agree to start with a guest list and start researching venues that will work with your budget and size of guest list. I really didn't get my vision until after I booked my venue. Then it all just started to roll. You will get a ton of info here and great suggestions for vendors etc.
Good luck and welcome.

SeandyMilson

Thank you all so much!!! I never expected to recieve such great advice so quickly. I am really looking forward to all of the details! I have been going to all of the bridal shows and watching all of the right tv shows (DAVID TUTERA NEEDS TO BE IN MY LIFE) I was just feeling overwhelmed. I am feeling much more confident in my plannabitlity. We have started the guest list and are going to look at venues so I feel so ahead!!!

Thank you so much sister brides!

niquemel

One more thing: those TV shows are great. But they also have a hefty budget. Not that I have any idea what your budget is, but don't be discouraged when you see the prices of certain things.

I started with a list of "MUST HAVES" (church wedding, tiered cake, updo, etc), "OPTIONAL" (full open bar, etc) and "DON'T NEED"  (programs, live band, lit monogram on dance floor, etc).

After that I started with a list of must invite and might invite - which to my surprise changed throughout the planning process.

I hope that helps!

professorscience

Yeah, you need to be careful that you don't just explode with ideas.  Think about some of the shows you've seen, or look at some wedding blogs (check the vendor sticky for lists of some of the photographers we've used) so you can see REAL weddings so you can start getting ideas of what you MUST have, and what you'd like, etc.  I like niquemel's idea of three lists.  

fallbride1109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_help-i-have-never-even-been-to-a-wedding-how-do-i-plan-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:cd96e4dd-bc8f-4f4b-9c4b-0b90db2b889ePost:7470e99e-b518-4b23-b96b-9e0b34c599eb">Re: Help! I have never even been to a wedding! How do I plan one?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all so much!!! I never expected to recieve such great advice so quickly. I am really looking forward to all of the details! I have been going to all of the bridal shows and watching all of the right tv shows (DAVID TUTERA NEEDS TO BE IN MY LIFE) I was just feeling overwhelmed. I am feeling much more confident in my plannabitlity. <strong>We have started the guest list and are going to look at venues so I feel so ahead!!!</strong> Thank you so much sister brides!
Posted by SeandyMilson[/QUOTE]

Those are definitely the hardest parts.  After that, it's just choosing your vendors and the details, both of which this board can help you with.