Worst idea ever

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:7b6f052f-45c7-494a-96f4-c89f6ca57021">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Worst idea ever : If a friend came to me and said she was broke and needed help with somethig important, like, I don't know, food or a place to stay, I'd help her out in a heartbeat.  If she came to me and said she was broke, but there was this gorgeous Marc Jacobs purse that she just had to have, I'd tell her to keep dreaming.  A wedding, like a designer purse, is a luxury item.  Sure, more people will enjoy the wedding than will enjoy the purse, but it doesn't change the fact that it's an unnecesary expense.  I understand that not everyone has the money to throw some huge blow-out, but plenty of people manage to have very nice, dignified, and entirely enjoyable weddings on tiny budgets.  So I can think of no reason why soliciting money for a party is ever necessary.  Posted by samscsi@gmail.com[/QUOTE] A wedding may be a luxury but it is also (for most of us) a lifelong dream. <strong>My wedding is not something I would feel comfortable giving up entirely because  I couldn't afford it.</strong> You can save for years for a purse but weddings can't always wait as long. Some people are opposed to living together before marriage or having children before marriage. Having to choose between giving up a childhood dream and moving on with your life is a sad decision for someone to have to make. Obviously the logical decision is to just go to the JP and get it over with but, if you don't _have_ to do that thanks to the love and support of your friends and family, why force yourself to give up something that would make you incredibly happy? Friends and family who give money are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts because they want the couple to be happy. When I think of the people I love and care about the most I know that I would give them whatever I could to make their lives more complete.
Posted by sarebare68[/QUOTE]<div>If you can't afford your dream wedding, that's your problem and no one else's.  You don't go begging because you would be uncomfortable giving up a dream. (P.S.  I realize that you are not the one begging, I'm using the collective you).  </div><div>
<span style="font-size:10.9954px;" class="Apple-style-span">I have plenty of family members who make way more money than I do.  I'm almost 100% sure that if I called and told them I was about to lose my apartment, they would give me the money.  If I called and said please give me money so I can make my wedding dreams come true, I'm sure they would hang up the phone.  Of course the answer would be no. <div>
</div><div>Does it suck that some people can only afford to JOP it?  Yes.  Still, no one is entitled to a wedding.  If you want one, be prepared to pay for it yourself unless someone <strong>OFFERS</strong> you money towards it.  </div><div>
</div><div>I live in one of the most expensive cities in the country.  Yet my FI and I could be married for only $60.  Getting married does not have to be expensive.  Even if JOP is too simple, how much can a cake and punch reception really cost? </div></span></div>

Goldlie11

The quote got mixed up but I can't seem to fix it.  

jcamm11

is that weird whenever someone mentions a cake and punch reception, it makes me want a piece of cake and some punch?

sarebare68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:4d4c49ef-05b8-4c15-b28f-2d846cc4dd2d">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Worst idea ever : a. because you're not entitled to it just because you desperately want it. b. your friends and family are not giving out of the goodness of their hearts, if they were, you wouldn't have to send out a letter asking for it, they would give it to you out of the goodness of their hearts!  They are giving it because you asked!
Posted by jcamm11[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know where you get the sense that people think they are "entitled" to anything. I believe that someone who felt that way would go around demanding that everyone buy stuff for them and pay for all they wanted. What we are talking about is a tastefully worded request. Far from a demand. I understand that you will disagree with the "tasteful" part. Regardless, it's still a request which doesn't lead to a sense of entitlement. </div>

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]is that weird whenever someone mentions a cake and punch reception, it makes me want a piece of cake and some punch?
Posted by jcamm11[/QUOTE]
I thought I was the only one....

mkrupar

Wow Wow Wow is all I can say. There are an awful lot of entitled brides on this thread (most with like 4 and 5 posts) that seem to think that because they want their "dream wedding" it's okay to open your hand an say GIMMIE to friends and family. FI and I have lived together for over a year, like may of the brides have stated, we have "everything we need". I seriously thought about not doing a registry, but when we finally went and registered, there were so many items that I hadn't even thought about that we could use. Right now we have 3 complete sets of sheets, how nice would it be to have more than that?

The fact is, that it's never ok to ask for money, especially if it's to fund your "dream wedding". If you can't afford it, that's reality, and you figure out a way to get married without all of the frills.

FI and I wanted to go to Disney for our HM, but we can't afford it. His mom suggested a HR, and I said no way, not happening. Instead we've found a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN to rent for the week and we'll spend our HM in the mountains. Would my family have contributed to the HR, maybe, was I ever going to give them that option, NEVER. We are paying for our own HM and don't expect anyone else to fund our vacation.

I also couldn't imagine asking someone to "invest" in my future by buying stocks. I will do that myself when I have the funds. FI and I have very little savings, but we survive. I'm not a charity case, and my wedding is not a charitable function.

For those out there that think it's ok to ask for money to fund a wedding you yourself can't afford, what makes you think your guests won't side-eye you and judge you for asking for donations? Also, how do you know your guests aren't in the same situation you are financially?

ETA: because I didn't finish a thought in the first paragraph

jcamm11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:7b6f052f-45c7-494a-96f4-c89f6ca57021">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Worst idea ever :A wedding may be a luxury but it is also (for most of us) a lifelong dream. My wedding is not something I would feel comfortable giving up entirely because  I couldn't afford it....Having to choose between giving up a childhood dream and moving on with your life is a sad decision for someone to have to make...why force yourself to give up something that would make you incredibly happy?
Posted by sarebare68[/QUOTE]

This would be where we all got the sense of entitlement from.

I would still like to see a sample letter to see how this could be gracefully worded.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:05e3ef92-0bd4-4acf-9c04-ea3802ab264f">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Worst idea ever : This would be where we all got the sense of entitlement from. I would still like to see a sample letter to see how this could be gracefully worded.
Posted by jcamm11[/QUOTE]

It can't be gracefully worded. That's why you haven't seen a sample letter. It's a terrible idea, and no one should solicit their friends and family for money so they can have a dream wedding they WANT and do not NEED. Trix makes an excellent point above about wants vs. needs.