kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.

LauraleeMarc

So I sent out my invites last week and am now getting back RSVPs. Already two of my guests have declined and sent checks marked as "wedding gift" in the memo.
Question is, when do I send thank yous for these gifts, and when do I actually cash the checks?
TIA!

caseyandlizzie

You should send thank you cards right away for any gifts (physical or monetary) received before the wedding.

You also should not use any gifts before the wedding. We did not deposit any checks we received before the wedding until after we got married. If the wedding did not happen for any reason, you would need to give the money or gift back to the sender.

jessicabessica

Send a thank you note right away.  When people give cash, it's nice to include a line about how you intend to spend the money. 

I would deposit the check into a savings account or somewhere where you won't use it--that way, you can give it back if you need to (as caseyandlizzie mentioned), but the gift giver doesn't have an outstanding check, which some people find annoying and can cause problems if the person doesn't keep enough of a balance in their account normally. 

ajroark

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:ce3950dc-1f3d-49be-a7b2-2081af709902">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]Send a thank you note right away.  When people give cash, it's nice to include a line about how you intend to spend the money.  I would deposit the check into a savings account or somewhere where you won't use it--that way, you can give it back if you need to (as caseyandlizzie mentioned), but the gift giver doesn't have an outstanding check, which some people find annoying and can cause problems if the person doesn't keep enough of a balance in their account normally. 
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. I would be annoyed if I wrote someone a check and they didn't cash it until a month later.

futurepivko

send it now. it will feel good to have less to write after the wedding. also keep track of what people gave you

hlq2011

Sned a thank you now, and deposit the checks so people don't have an outstanding check to keep track of (though I'm guilty of not having done this yet, myself).

jagore08

Send the thank you now and deposit the check.  We opened another savings account and put the wedding checks in that account to keep it separate from out everyday money.

aegrish

I COULDN"T deposit checks that we received early because they were made out to my married name.  Not sure if the guests intended that or not, but now I have to wait until I'm married.  Otherwise I would deposit them and let them know I was saving the money for ____ or planning to help us purchase ___. 

katieisawesome

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:29d4d4bc-32d3-4770-ad67-890e58be5c1d">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]You should send thank you cards right away for any gifts (physical or monetary) received before the wedding. You also should not use any gifts before the wedding. We did not deposit any checks we received before the wedding until after we got married. If the wedding did not happen for any reason, you would need to give the money or gift back to the sender.
Posted by caseyandlizzie[/QUOTE]

<div>I am going to disagree in part with this.  The polite thing to do is to cash the check.  BUT, put the money in savings and keep a record of the checks you receive as yes, you will need to return the money if you do not get married for some reason.</div><div>
</div><div>Having an uncashed check hanging out there is a major pet peeve of many people.</div>

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:cfa53224-2800-462c-b5ba-f9fc9c03b5ab">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]I COULDN"T deposit checks that we received early because they were made out to my married name.  Not sure if the guests intended that or not, but now I have to wait until I'm married.  Otherwise I would deposit them and let them know I was saving the money for ____ or planning to help us purchase ___. 
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

They were made out just to you?  All the ones that were made out to (what people assumed was, I'm not changing it) my married name were made out to "J and K last name" and my H was able to deposit them in our joint wedding account.

peanutty2

I would send out a thank you now and deposit the check now.  It might mess up someone's bank accounts to have that check outstanding for so long.

aegrish - i've been guilty of doing that (just addressing the check to the bride if that's the person i knew more and using her new last name), i certainly hope i didn't cause anyone issues! yikes! i suppose it eventually got cashed though :P

futurepivko

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:cfa53224-2800-462c-b5ba-f9fc9c03b5ab">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]I COULDN"T deposit checks that we received early because they were made out to my married name.  Not sure if the guests intended that or not, but now I have to wait until I'm married.  Otherwise I would deposit them and let them know I was saving the money for ____ or planning to help us purchase ___. 
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

yup. if I ever give money as a wedding gift I am making it out to the groom or giving cash because of this

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:cfa53224-2800-462c-b5ba-f9fc9c03b5ab">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]I COULDN"T deposit checks that we received early because they were made out to my married name.  Not sure if the guests intended that or not, but now I have to wait until I'm married.  Otherwise I would deposit them and let them know I was saving the money for ____ or planning to help us purchase ___. 
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

No you don't. Write For Deposit Only on the back with your husband's acct number if his name is on the check, or your acct number if it was only made out to you, and deposit it in the atm. We deposited all our checks this way without issue.

meganiobe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:e7b90254-9fbf-46fe-b7d0-19a8f77c6554">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please. : No you don't. Write For Deposit Only on the back with your husband's acct number if his name is on the check, or your acct number if it was only made out to you, and deposit it in the atm. We deposited all our checks this way without issue.
Posted by kristinanddan[/QUOTE]

I worked in the banking industry before my current job and this is all you need to do, or you can sign the inccorrect and then the correct name, that will work as well.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:e0d3c748-7344-421c-bfd0-d5c7d574cc75">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please. : They were made out just to you?  All the ones that were made out to (what people assumed was, I'm not changing it) my married name were made out to "J and K last name" and my H was able to deposit them in our joint wedding account.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Ditto. If you wait until you change your name, your guests could be waiting a long time. We got plenty of checks with my married name, but I never changed my name. We just both went to the bank and they let us both sign them.

MilitaryBride2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_kind-of-etiquette-question-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:8d0b676f-ae08-4034-81e5-3eb4a1cdd7dfPost:b8c00eb8-ca17-4f4d-b76f-acae7645c738">Re: kind of an etiquette question... advice, please.</a>:
[QUOTE]Sned a thank you now, and deposit the checks so people don't have an outstanding check to keep track of (though I'm guilty of not having done this yet, myself).
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]
Ditto this

doeie04

This is a great way to start a joint account. (This just hit me, so I thought I would share. Haha!)